I’m not sure who told Heather Mills that it would be a good idea to get Kate Gosselin’s haircut, but that person deserves to be punched in the face.  Or possibly they deserve a million dollars.  On the one hand, it doesn’t really help anything to give a peg-legged golddigger one of the worst head suits mankind is capable of dreaming up, but on the other hand… HAHAHAHA she just looks so ridiculous!  It looks like she got wasted and cut her own hair with a Slap Chop!  Also, it amuses me endlessly that there is apparently a cranial uniform for money-hungry famewhoring control freaks.

Everyone’s favourite peg-legged shrew, Heather Mills, is getting her golddigging ass sued by her former nanny, Sara Trumble, for “sex discrimination and intimidation.”  From the Daily Mail:

Sara Trumble claims she was given duties way beyond her role as childminder to five-year-old Beatrice, Miss Mills’s daughter by Sir Paul McCartney.

She has complained she was asked to give Miss Mills naked spray tans, come to work at 7.30am to blow dry her hair, and work as late as midnight.

The nanny however, lodged a constructive dismissal claim with an employment tribunal in Ashford, Kent, last week.

The two sides now have 28 days to try to reach an agreement  -  and if they fail they will have to air their differences in court.

The last time Miss Mills was involved in a court case, during her divorce from Sir Paul, she poured a jug of water over the head of his divorce lawyer, Fiona Shackleton.

Miss Mills, worth £24million after her divorce, has rejected an offer to pay an out-of-court settlement to Miss Trumble.

If that’s not a full enough bucket of crazy for you, then feast on this, gluttons:

In a new development, a two minute YouTube video, entitled Sara Trumble: My true story was posted on the website last night featuring Miss Trumble praising Miss Mills and her parenting skills.

Although the initial seconds of the video feature Miss Trumble speaking over footage over the news story of her recent allegations, she does not address them directly.

In the video, Miss Trumble said: ‘It drives me mad the stories that come out and they’re all lies. So many lies. You just want to shout and scream at the press and tell them that it’s just rubbish.’

A friend of Miss Trumble claims the footage was shot months ago and she is furious over the way she has been portrayed.

A close pal said: ‘Sara is absolutely fuming about that video, but it’s just the sort of stunt her ladyship pulls.

‘All Heather’s staff are ordered to film a 15-minute interview when they join, saying what a wonderful woman she is and how evil the newspapers are.

‘She has chosen a few seconds of footage from Sara’s interview and stuck them together with pictures of the story about her court case, to make it look like she’s being interviewed today.’

Heather Mills is a straight-up lunatic, so it is my fervent wish that this shit goes to court and plays out like a subplot from an 80s prime time soap.  I just hope like hell she wears this suit again:

It’s just like the uniform of a campus security guard at Clown College!

The former Mrs. Paul McCartney went on the offensive last week, hitting up both British and American television morning shows in an attempt to discredit “The Sun” and bash her ex-husband while comparing herself to Princess Diana. Her stepdaughter, fashion designer Stella McCartney, wasn’t one to take this one lying down. Page Six says

Stella McCartney is fighting back against her evil ex-stepmonster, Heather Mills. Last week, Mills told “Extra” that Stella did some “evil, evil things. She scraped my face out of a photo.” Now the fashion designer has created a jewelry line, and her first effort is a necklace featuring a single-leg pendant. The bauble costs $500 - a lot less than the $100 million Mills is looking to get from Paul.

Um… burn? I don’t know. Maybe Stella should have gone with a “Heather Mills is a dirty gold-digging cunt whore” written in gothic lettering necklace instead. Or maybe instead of a single leg, the pendant could have been Heather Mills’ face with the tongue hanging out and X’s where the eyes should be. Or a penis where the mouth should be. Maybe just the testicles. A vagina made entirely of dollars signs? Something that says (horribly NSFW) this, but with subtlety. Believe you me, encapsulating “what’s left of one’s dignity” in precious metals without being overt and cliché is no simple task. And if you think that’s hard, well, then, you should try animating it with interpretative dance! I’ve got almost no dignity at all, and so far all I’ve got is a couple of plies and a three-point crab walk followed by the sprinkler. I think I just need a little more time.

Heather not doing German porn with her daughter in August:

Divorce negotiations between Paul McCartney and PegLeg the Gold Digging Skank have collapsed, and it looks like the two are headed for a public court hearing. From The Daily Mail:

“The whole thing broke down without agreement. A trial date has been set for February next year and that is where we are heading.” A major sticking point is said to be Sir Paul’s demand that Ms Mills, 39, promised not to speak about their four-year marriage.

It is understood McCartney, 65, offered her £50million, including a lump sum of as much as £30million, plus an annual income for their daughter Beatrice. But Ms Mills, it is thought, was willing to accept as much as £15million less - provided she was free to discuss their relationship.

Ever wonder what Heather Mills does when she’s not lying and extorting? Well, I have it on good authority that she volunteers at childrens’ hospitals. Yep, I heard she even brings in puppies for the dying children. But instead of lettings the kids hold and play with the puppies, she just stands in front of them and kills the puppies with her bare hands — just squeezing the little necks until their little puppy eyeballs pop right out of their heads! Then she goes around and collects the tears in a jewel studded chalice. I think it’s got something to do with the tears of dying children being good for the complexion.

More of Stumpy McShitface in Vegas last summer, after the jump.

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