Now that she’s had a change of heart and decided to embrace her Latina roots, Jessica Alba dressed up as Dora the Explorer for Halloween. Just one of many “eh-strong Latina woman” costumes from which to choose if you’re a girl of color, I’m sure. Like, um… let’s see… well, there’s Rosario from “Will and Grace.” She’s one. And that midget from Fantasy Island, whats-her-name. (On second thought, that might have been a man. I don’t think anybody really knows for sure.) Oh, and Charo, right? I almost forgot about Charo! Cuchi-cuchi! See, there’s a ton of options. Good for Jessica for trouncing the traditional demeaning Latina eh-stereotype.

Jessica Alba as Dora and husband Cash Warren as Diego:

Kate Beckinsale as Adam Ant:

Helena Christensen as a painter’s palette:

Brooke Shields in a Cleopatra flapper wig as… her daughter’s pimp? I don’t know:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

And now for the complete opposite of the last post, a 40-year old woman with the body of a 23-year old. I suppose if Lindsay keeps aging backwards, she’ll get there eventually. Like around the time she’s 60. In the meantime, enjoy supermodel Helena Christensen totally nude on the cover of Citizen K magazine today. Like famed Elizabethan poet Robert Herrick once wrote, “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time!” I just assumed he was speaking directly to you there. Zing!

In Purple magazine (all NSFW):

Everyone’s always telling me how 40 is the new 30. Judging from these pictures of Helena Christensen in a bikini, I’d say 40 is more like the new 69. High five!

With Bono and his family in St. Barts:

41-year old supermodel Helena Christensen bares it all in this black and white photo shoot by acclaimed photographer Solve Sundsbo. Now, I have no idea who “Solve Sundsbo” actually is, but with an awesome name like that, my guess is on a thoroughly-bearded garden gnome who lives in a toadstool. Possibly a mentally retarded immigrant with a heart of gold and a knack for cheese-based pastries. It still doesn’t explain how he got Helena Christensen naked, but that’s where I’ve got two words for you: white wizard. It just makes sense.

Mostly NSFW:

Today when I was lying prone on the couch, high on Vicodin with fluid draining out of my ear, I asked myself, “Why don’t I look as good as supermodel Helena Christensen in a bikini?” Then I went back to drinking cake batter with a straw and watching hour number four of “B.J. and the Bear.” Some of life’s mysteries were never meant to be solved, my friends.

Since it’s summertime, it’s only fitting that gratuitous photos of celebrities in bikinis should be standard around these parts. Allow me to present your first-ever post-quickies palate cleanser: the Summer Supererogative. Today’s star is nineties supermodel Helena Christensen. As you can plainly see, Helena still has nipples. And you can milk just about anything with nipples. Except Robert DeNiro. The end!