Hilary Duff went and birthed herself a baby boy yesterday. Hold your yawning until the end of the story, thank you. Celebrity Fix says,

Hilary Duff and hubby Mike Comrie have welcomed their first child, a boy named Luca Cruz.

The 24-year-old shared news of the March 22 birth via Twitter, saying: “Welcome to the world, Luca Cruz Comrie!”

“Tuesday evening, we became proud parents of a healthy seven-pound, six-ounce [3.35kg] beautiful baby boy,” she added.

“We are overjoyed and feel like the luckiest parents alive!”

I wish these celebrities would knock it off with the “creative” baby names. “Luca Cruz” sounds like a black rapper’s stage name. That, or the sound that you make when you’re clearing phlegm out of your throat. Luuuu-ca! 

I have no idea who Lauren Stoner is, but she’s in a bikini, and that’s good enough for me:

Babies, babies, babies! were all the rage this weekend — both Jessica Alba and Tina Fey gave birth to baby girls, and Hilary Duff officially announced her pregnancy on Saturday. Jessica Alba wrote on her Facebook (via People Magazine):

“Haven Garner Warren was born on Saturday, weighed 7 lbs. and was 19 inches long. Healthy and happy! Big sister Honor couldn’t be more excited about the new addition to our family.”

Tina Fey’s baby was actually born earlier in the week, but the press is just now getting around to talking about it. The Daily Mail says:

Tina Fey has given birth to a baby girl who she has called Penelope Athena.

The 30 Rock star welcomed her second child with composer husband Jeff Richmond, 50, on Wednesday.

The couple are already parents to five-year-old Alice.

Not to be outdone, Hilary Duff announced on her official website Sunday that she was pregnant with her first child with husband Mike Comrie — and on their very first wedding anniversary, no less. She wrote (via Us Magazine):

“I can’t believe it has already been a year. Time really flies when you’re having fun! We also want to share the exciting news that baby makes three! We are extremely happy and ready to start this new chapter of our lives. Thanks to everyone for the continued love and support throughout the years!”

The only thing more boring than a post about a bunch of babies is a post about Hilary Duff. The U.S. Revised Code on Grain Handling Tax is probably a close second, followed by the script to Brad Pitt’s “The Tree of Life” and “Ishtar.”

New York Times best-selling author (no, really) Hilary Duff is reportedly pregnant with her first baby. And BTW, it’s rude to to make make that jerkoff motion with your hand and type zzzzzzzzz at me. Star Magazine says:

The actress and her NHL hockey star hubby, Mike Comrie, are gearing up to be first-time parents with Hilary about seven weeks pregnant.

“They weren’t actively trying to conceive but agreed that if it happened, it happened,” her close friend tells Star.

How are they feeling about the surprise? “They’re ecstatic,” the pal adds.

People deal with unexpected pregnancies in different ways. For instance, I approached mine from more of a “two bottles of Jack, a wire hanger and a first-year med student” kind of perspective. But embracing it is good, too. My court-appointed therapist says everyone has to find their own path in this world.

UPDATE: Or maybe not.

Signing her best-selling book:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

In a move that would make Star Jones weep with pride, Hilary Duff got OK! Magazine to foot the bill for her “dream wedding” to Mike Comrie by giving them exclusive rights to her wedding photos. Only one problem — nobody gives a fuck about her wedding photos, and OK! only paid for half of the wedding up front. Page Six says:

The starlet struck a deal with OK! magazine to have her $1 million wedding paid in full in exchange for exclusive photos. Duff was paid for the first half of the deal before the issue hit newsstands, but sales were sour, with only 290,000 copies sold. Sources say OK! boss Richard Desmond is trying to renegotiate the deal with Duff.

Rule number one for a tabloid magazine editor: unless the words “topless” or “naked” or “girl-on-girl” or “sex tape” precede the words “Hilary Duff,” the public ain’t interested. And if they ain’t interested, they ain’t buyin’. Simple as that. You have to learn to recognize what really speaks to the public at large, and then milk it like the Amish at sunrise. That’s why all my business plans include the word “nipple.”

PHOTO SOURCE: OK! Magazine

Hilary Duff is now officially engaged to hockey player Mike Comrie, and she’s got the ice-rink-on-the-finger to prove it. According to Us Magazine

Comrie, 29, gave her a 14-carat, radiant-cut engagement ring. Estimated price? $1 million.

He could have just as easily gone with a a Ring-Ding and saved himself $999,998.25. From the looks of those hips, the easiest way to get through to Hilary’s heart is through a stomach full of frosted creme-filled Devil’s Food Cakes. Sometimes thinking outside the box can really save you a bundle. Or thinking inside the box, as it were, if the box just happens to be full of individually-wrapped snack cakes.

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Nobody watches Gossip Girl no matter how much they push the envelope or gay it up. Point in question: Hilary Duff and Jessica Szohr’s “lesbian kiss” on Monday night’s episode. You won’t find word one about it in any magazine. I’m sure some outraged parents sent in a few spittle-flecked emails to the CW, but everybody knows that what old people say doesn’t count. Besides, I’m pretty sure I’ve kissed my own stepmother with more erotic verve and passion. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. It was late night and I had been drinking, okay? Who are you to judge me?

Six screen caps here; four more after the jump:

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I was so happy because thought these were pictures of Hilary Duff actually wiping out on a busy street in New York, but it wasn’t till later that I realized there was a big puffy mat in the middle of the crosswalk for her to land on. So then I read the photo description, which said “Hilary Duff takes a ‘fall’ on the set of her upcoming TV romantic comedy, “The Business of Falling in Love,” as it films in Manhattan,” which confirmed it was totally staged. However, at this point, I had already uploaded them. So here you go. That’s just the kind of commitment to quality I bring to the table. I put the same amount of effort into this hearty “fuck you.” Nobody likes a whiner!

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

The only way Hilary Duff could look any boxier in these pictures is if she were stamped “This Side Up” and “100% Post-Consumer Content.” On the plus side, she’d make a great makeshift lean-to for a hobo.

In Hawaii yesterday:

PHOTO CREDIT: Star Magazine

There’s something different about Hilary Duff’s younger sister Haylie, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Or in it, as it were. According to Star Magazine

“Haylie had her nose done,” New York City–based plastic surgeon Dr. Thomas P. Sterry [says], explaining that Haylie’s nose has been shortened, angled upward and rounded off.

“They [also] made her chin smaller by chipping away at the bone,” he adds.

Haylie’s altered appearance [cost] an estimated $20,000.

I was always under the impression that Haylie would be just as pretty as Hilary if she didn’t have that awful beak and Jay Leno chin, but clearly, this is not the case. Now she just looks like the product of a bestial affair between Heidi Fleiss and Mr. Ed.

Before nose job pictures:

After nose job pictures:

Heart Truth’s annual Red Dress show happened at Bryant Park today for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week.  Things got off to a swimming start with a mile and a half of hot leg, then leveled off for awhile before quickly devolving into a Golden Girls nightgown parade and finally culminating in a bobble-headed, hot tranny mess.

Amanda Bynes strutted those stems out:

Jennie Garth looked pretty darn cute (she and Amanda Bynes have the most adorable rapport — they were on some dumb show together for years):

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Singer Hillary Duff stars as a Russian pop star who likes dropping poisonous arthropods in her pants while John Cusack pats himself down with a hanky in a new movie entitled “War, Inc.” Now, as far as sexy venomous critters go, I suppose the scorpion is the logical choice, but I still would have liked the tongue-in-cheek calembour of a good Box Jellyfish or a Bushmaster snake. Or just plain “AIDS,” “Great White Shark armed with assault rifle,” or anything that guaranteed Hilary Duff never made another album or shitty movie I’d have to write about again.

Hilary Duff’s svelte body graces the cover of Us Weekly’s first ever swimsuit issue, courtesy of years of stringent dieting and maniacal exercise. An inside interview reveals

When the singer/actress was 15, she came across a press report criticizing her for her weight. “It made me obsessed,” she [says] of the story that drove her into a hard-core diet and exercise binge. “I would beat myself up if I had some fat.” But when the 5-foot-2 star’s weight plummeted to around 100 pounds in 2005 (down from 130 in 2003), her sister Haylie, 22, finally intervened.

Good for her. Nobody wants to see a 130-pound behemoth on the cover of a swimsuit issue. Yuck! If I wanted to see fat girls in bikinis, I’d head down to the YMCA pool or rip open the dressing room curtains in the plus-size section at Target. Surprise! You’re fat! Always good for a chuckle. You have to be careful on that last one, though. Fat girls can be unexpectedly nimble. And they have fists like ham hocks. That’s why I always chuck a ho-ho or twinkie in before I yank the curtain back. I find when they’re distracted they’re not nearly as agile. I also find that mace works in a pinch, but it seems that cops consider unsolicited macing an “assault,” so it’s not nearly as fun.

More of Hilary at the ESPY awards with her sister after the jump

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