Part one of the riveting Lindsay Lohan: Secret Celebrity Hoarder interview aired on The Insider last night. The NY Post says

The screen star’s apartment is a pigsty, with one room littered floor-to-ceiling with piles of clothes, shoes and other expensive junk.

“I try not to come in here, that’s how bad it is,” she said of the spare bedroom in the condo she moved into last year. “It gives me anxiety being in here. The clutter takes up a lot of space mentally.”

The show will hold an intervention with a professional closet organizer and help Lohan clean up [in part two of the interview, which airs tonight].

Sarah said it before, and I wholeheartedly agree: Lindsay Lohan is NOT a hoarder. Lindsay Lohan is just goddamn lazy is all. Her life is a complete fucking train wreck, so it makes sense her house would be, too. The only way I’m going to be “shocked” by The Insider’s “exclusive findings” is if it turns out those boxes are actually filled with Bibles and nineteenth century English literature.

Hey, look — someone who’s not a leathery hot mess: Cindy Crawford in Harper’s Bazaar:

HAHAHA!  It’s been awhile since we’ve had any news on the LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!! front, but oh man, this is hilarious.  Apparently, Lindsay Lohan is a “secret celebrity hoarder.”  When I saw this headline in Us, I got super duper excited because I thought it meant LiLo would be on the crazy addictive (and just plain crazy) A&E show “Hoarders”, but it turns out she’s just appearing on “The Insider” with Niecy Nash, who also hosts that “Clean House” show.  Whatever.  I’m disappointed, yet still vastly amused.

Is Lindsay Lohan a secret celebrity hoarder?

“I just need to get rid of … stuff,” the 23-year-old star says in a teaser for an exclusive interview on The Insider. “That’s personal stuff that I have to work on.”

That “stuff” has apparently taken over the actress’ home. According to The Insider, her bedroom has turned into a warehouse of shoes and her living room is filled with clutter, including racks upon racks of clothes.

In the interview, set to air Thursday, Niecy Nash — host of the Style Network’s Clean House reality show — has a sit-down with Lohan, who may be using hoarding as a coping mechanism for the estranged relationship she has with her father, Michael Lohan.

“It’s kind of a sore subject,” she says in the teaser, which promises to reveal her “private pain” for the very first time.

Yeah, her house is kind of a hot mess, but I’ve seen “Hoarders” about a hundred times so I ain’t impressed.  I don’t even see any dead animals or piles of rotting food, and that preview clip didn’t show Lindsay pitching a fit and crying because someone was trying to throw away an old Taco Bell cup or a tampon receipt from 1993 or anything.  It basically just looks like her house is stuffed to the rafters with (most likely stolen) designer merchandise, and she’s pretending like it’s all because of her jackass father and his mesh shirts.  I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Lindsay Lohan isn’t nearly insane enough for real, hardcore hoarding.  Your hoarding is minor league, Lohan.  You’ll never make it to The Show without at least one cat skeleton and a rodent infestation.