Tila Tequila’s reign of batshit insanity continued this past weekend with her pretending that she got attacked by a multiple personality called ‘Jane’ and posted a fake video of it on her website. People for some reason got all freaked out and called the cops, only to learn that it was all a joke. Whee! Ha ha! Good times! Aren’t you laughing? Says RadarOnline,

Tila Tequila’s fake suicide stunt caused a spectacular waste of Los Angeles Police Department resources, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.
Several police, paramedics and fire rescue personnel were involved in a frantic search for Tequila over the weekend, after the former reality TV star posted a video on her website of her bloody arm — supposedly sliced at the wrist.

The full-scale search spanned several counties and lasted up to five hours.

The search was sparked after a series of calls to 911 from concerned readers of Tequila’s blog, RadarOnline.com has learned.

Police confirmed officers from the North Hollywood Police Station were assigned to a “welfare check” on Saturday.

However, an LAPD officer would not elaborate on the outcome of its investigation and whether Tequila faced further charges.

As RadarOnline.com reported, the incident turned out to be nothing more than a distressing hoax.

Her website had read,

“I don’t know what happened. People don’t believe I have multiple personalities but this morning the last thing I remember was falling asleep cuz I was so tired. I blacked out and now that I just woke up from excruciating pains all over my body, there was blood and dope everywhere! She is evil! She single handedly smashed and broke EVERYTHING in my bedroom! Both nightstands, the bed lights, all of the surround sound system, my tv boxes and there’s glass everywhere. There’s even chunks of meet coming out of my arm from the deep slits from her slicing up my arm from all the broken glass! My arm meet from inside is starting to bubble up and seep through the cuts. This is so f***ed up. Now that I’m awake, she just left but I have no recollection of what happened to me. I’m just crying right now hiding in my toilet…my entire room is in shambles. All the new furniture is broken and glass all over the bed. I don’t know what’s happening! Little Tila.”

Isn’t this crazy-pants enough to get her committed? She’s probably already brain-damaged from all the drugs she obviously does. If you cracked her head open, instead of a brain, there would probably be a little hamster running on a wheel. A coked out, slutty hamster wearing a g-string, that is.

At her album release party:

The sound you hear is the panicked screaming of eight million Twihards.  But settle down spazatrons, because Taylor Lautner isn’t actually dead.  From E!:

In a career milestone achieved by only a select few (and Jaleel White), Twilight Saga star Taylor Lautner has become the victim of his very own Internet death hoax.

Take that, Robert Pattinson.

No, Lautner’s not really dead. A rep for Summit Entertainment tells E! News, “I am almost 100-percent positive this is a hoax.” (After double-checking with the home office in Hollywood, the rep confirmed this was indeed a hoax.)

Besides, unless our favorite werewolf doubles as a zombie, he’ll be presenting in the flesh at Sunday’s Golden Globe Awards, organizers announced today.

Well, that’s a shame.  Now that Taylor & Taylor Time got canceled, I have no use at all for Taylor Lautner so he may as well be dead for realsies.  His demise would probably cause heart attacks in at least half of those creepy Twimums, so it would be an humanitarian effort, really.

Howard Stern aired what was supposedly “raw board feed” of Beyonce screeching and mewing through a Today show performance last year on his Sirius radio show yesterday. Unfortunately, the whole thing was revealed to be a hoax today (the guy who made it offers his explanation after the jump), but of course, Beyonce’s insufferable asswipe of a father still had to get in his two cents. Matthew Knowles told Access Hollywood

“If no one took the time to look at the biggest Inauguration in the history of America then shame on them. If no one took the time to listen to Beyonce sing ‘America the Beautiful’ and ‘At Last’ at the Neighborhood Ball for the first dance of President Obama and the First Lady, and they question Beyonce’s vocal ability, they’ve gotta be an idiot.

At 12 years into her career, the last thing someone should be questioning is her vocal ability. That would be like questioning if Kobe Bryant could shoot a jump shot.”

Somewhere out there, Milli Vanilli, Ashlee Simpson and Hilary Duff are nodding their heads in staunch agreement. God knows the music industry never offers you anything but unfettered truth and raw talent.

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“Retired” actor Joaquin Phoenix’s little foray into rap music is really just his pitiful attempt at an Andy Kaufman-style hoax. According to Entertainment Weekly

Says one source who recently worked with Phoenix: “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.’”

With this supposed career reboot he is evidently trying to both lampoon pompous actors and punk the media that covers them. “It’s an art project for him,” says a source. “He’s going full out. He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.”

Yep, when I think “Joaquin Phoenix,” the first word that comes to mind is definitely “control.” No, wait… make that “cornhole.” My mistake.