Jessica Alba whores out debuts little Honor Marie Warren in this week’s issue of OK! and opens up (ha ha) about the whole birthing process:

“I didn’t scream,” Jessica tells OK! “It was really Zen. The labor was more like meditation. I did yoga breathing. I was focused.”

And Cash could only marvel at his wife’s quiet strength when she gave birth. “She didn’t make a sound,” he says. “It was amazing.”

Then he added, “Except for the part right before she crowned and her vagina started bulging like it was being inflated with a bicycle pump or something and her perineum tore straight down to her anus and blood and mucous started gushing everywhere and she crapped herself. Yeah, that part wasn’t so much ‘amazing’ as it was ‘vomit-inducing and life-time scarring.’” Then he gave a nervous little laugh and grabbed the camera by the lens and whispered, “For God’s sake, man, if the doctor asks if you want to see the placenta, just start running the other direction. Run fast. Run far. Trust me on this one.”