Perhaps in an attempt to avoid being found in violation of her probation after her reported hit and run last week, Lindsay Lohan is putting herself on house arrest. Is this the equivalent to a toddler putting themselves in time-out? TMZ reports,

Lindsay Lohan is done gambling with her freedom — after another bout with trouble just this week, she is following the advice of her closest friends and putting herself on lockdown until her probation is up in two weeks … TMZ has learned.

Although she claims she did nothing wrong, Lindsay once again found herself in the news this week for all the wrong reasons … when a clubgoer claimed LiLo hit him with her car in Hollywood early Thursday morning.

According to our sources, the latest incident prompted people close to Lindsay to beg her to stop going out at night until her probation is over. We’re told Lindsay agreed and will now only leave her house when she really has to … like for her court ordered community service at the morgue.

Her probation is scheduled to end March 29.

Which is to say, that Lindsay’s not turning a new leaf and is ready to behave responsibly, it just means that she broke the bank with enough blow and alcohol to last her until the end of the month, and with gas prices these days, she just can’t afford to drive anywhere. She’s like a squirrel storing food for the winter, if squirrels were narcissistic cokeheads who spent all day looking for nuts. Bah-dum-BAH!

Lindsay Lohan will be back in court morning because the Los Angeles City Attorney wants “revisit” evidence of her partying while under house arrest earlier this month. Radar Online says:

Lohan has a scheduled progress report hearing and Judge Stephanie Sautner has ordered the actress, 25, to appear. Typically, defendants do not have to appear unless there is an issue.

“The City Attorney wants Lindsay tested for drugs and alcohol,” a source close to the situation tells

“The D.A. asked Judge Sautner to order Lohan to submit to random drug and alcohol testing, when they met in chambers about the case last month, but she refused,” our source said. “[So now the D.A.] wants to discuss Lindsay’s partying while under house arrest. [Lindsay] did test positive for alcohol during that time.”

I was gonna wait till Lindsay got out of court and her progress report was made public before I posted on this, but then I figured there’s no point in waiting when we already know what’s gonna happen: absolutely nothing. She’ll still be the same stupid self-entitled cooze she always was. She’ll show up late if she shows at all, write “fuck you” on her nails, and willfully refuse to take any blame for her misdeeds, just like she always does. The only change here will come directly out of the taxpayers’ wallet.

You know your career is really going places when you’re a starring in The Miggs video:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

If you were Lindsay Lohan, what would be the first thing you’d do after getting off of house arrest? Is it A) Take a long walk on the beach; B) Hit Rodeo Drive for a little retail therapy; or C) Get falling-down drunk and make an ass of yourself in public? Ooh, the suspense is killing me! The Daily Mail says:

She has been criticized for going out for a night on the town just a mere few hours after she completed her 35-day house arrest, and when she had a near fall, many were speculating that the 24-year-old had partied too hard at the Lexington Social House in Hollywood last night.

But now Lindsay Lohan has hit back, taking to her Twitter to post a picture of the towering black leather stacked heels that she had worn for the occasion, hinting the platform pumps had contributed to her [fall].

She tweeted: ‘IT WAS A GOING AWAY DINNER [FOR A FRIEND], THAT WAS IT. Nothing exciting happened aside from the very yummy hummus and pita. If anyone caused me to nearly fall it was the psychotic paparazzi.’

Drunk or not, these are the shoes she was wearing when she fell, which would kinda explain her losing her footing outside the bar. Whoever designed that shoe probably figured the wearer would have a pole handy for balance and a bunch of singles onstage to provide additional traction for the soles.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 120 days in jail for violating her probation back in May, but due to over-crowding, she was put under house arrest in her $2 million beachfront home without any drug testing or alcohol monitoring whatsoever. But as of yesterday — just 35 days into her 120-day sentence, mind you — she’s now a free woman. TMZ says:

Lindsay Lohan’s painfully relaxing stint under house arrest is finally OVER!!!

According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, Lohan was officially released at 10:20 AM … ending 35 arduous days of sun-tanning captivity.

I hope the L.A. County Sherriff’s Department is sufficiently embarrassed. Lindsay broke the law countless times (see here, here, here and here, for the most recent examples), and the best they could come up with was to ground her for a month. At this point, they’re basically just my step-dad in a fancier uniform.

I know why the caged bird sings. Because it’s fucking high:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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