I guess if he can’t be shirtless, seeing Hugh Jackman in a perfectly-tailored suit is the next best thing. Provided a sailor’s dress whites or a fireman’s uniform weren’t available, I mean.
With his girls in the West Village:
Supposedly, this hairy caterpillar* squatting so obscenely on Daniel Craig’s face is because of his role in the Broadway play “A Steady Rain”, which co-stars Hugh Jackman and begins previewing next week. Honestly though, I refuse to accept that as a reasonable excuse. This is not what James Bond is supposed to look like. I mean Jesus, he looks like Martin Mull. Colonel Mustard is no James Bond, Mr. Craig. I strongly suggest you get that thing off your face posthaste, and never defile yourself this way again. Good day, sir. I SAID GOOD DAY!
*It was brought to my attention in the comments that a moustache of this calibre should be known as a “Dirt Squirrel”. I apologise for this shocking gap in my follicular vocabulary. Also: hee!
A prettier, less hirsute Daniel Craig:
Here’s Hugh Jackman at LAX after flying in from someplace, and before you ask, I have no idea why he’s acting so totally unreasonable. Why the hell does he have a shirt on? Wolverine has no business wearing shirts, and I don’t even want to talk about that jackassy hat.
Arriving in LA wearing way too many clothes:
Dressed far more appropriately:
Hugh Jackman has once again proven himself the consummate celebrity, indulging hundreds of fanboys (and fangirls) with a complimentary breakfast after they camped out all night long to see his latest movie. Sigh! Swoon! The NY Daily News says
The “Wolverine” star dropped a grand total of $4,308.87 on breakfast for 800 fans who had camped outside a Tempe, Ariz., movie theater the night before the latest “X-Men” flick premiered. The bill covered 67 breakfast trays worth of bagels and muffins, as well as 80 gallons of coffee.
In an industry rife with insufferable douchebags and self-important asswipes, it does my heart good to post a story like this one. It warms the heart and — okay, I’m not going to lie anymore. I mostly did it to put up more pictures of him without his shirt on. That he was gallant and thoughtful was just icing on the metaphorical sex cake. Mmm… sex cake. I’ll take two, please!
Holy Mary Mother of God:
You know I like to give you girls something nice to look at, but I didn’t want to leave the guys out of it either. Well, I have come across the perfect solution: Halle Berry and Hugh Jackman at the X-Men Origins: Wolverine premiere! Yes! I have found the perfect balance! Maybe I should move on to achieving world peace now. For now, we can all be at peace ogling these two.
Halle Berry:
Hugh Jackman, plus a little Ryan Reynolds:
Yes, today happens to be a national holiday and my birthday, so I’m presenting myself with some nice pictures of Hugh Jackman being the bearer of mass hotness that he is. He always seems to be so gentlemanly when he’s out, he’s always smiling for the cameras–it’s like he’s smiling for me! Yes he is!
I thought it was about time for some more eye candy for us ladies, and here to deliver it is none other than the gorgeous, delicious, manly man Hugh Jackman, who also seems to be quite the family man. Can he possibly be any more effing hot? You’re welcome, ladies, you’re welcome.
Here he is out shopping and playing with his kids, Oscar and Ava. Awwww!
The trailer for the new X-Men movie “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” hit the net today, replete with enough glistening and rippling Hugh Jackman-ness to set a girl’s loins on fire. My goodness. I damn near slid off my seat after watching that, if you know what I mean! Probably because I was trying to pour nacho cheese on my frittata while I was typing that last sentence. Seriously, does everything have to be about vaginas with you? God, you’re such a pervert.
People Magazine has named delicious Australian actor Hugh Jackman 2008’s Sexiest Man alive. They say
He’s a triple threat: a star who can sing, dance and wield a weapon. At 6 ft. 2 in., all scruff and biceps, Hugh Jackman [leaves] people stammering, “Oh … my … God,” according to costar Nicole Kidman, who adds, “Women’s jaws drop when Hugh walks into a room.”
Despite his rugged good looks and chiseled physique, Hugh Jackman isn’t above pissing his pants. He’s just like one of us! It seems he was onstage as Gaston in a production of Disney’s Beauty & The Beast when he accidentally-on-purpose tinkled in his britches. He told Playboy
“[I was singing and] I picked [Belle] up and realized I peed my pants a little. The very last note is a big time F sharp. You have to release certain muscles to hit it, the same ones that allow you to hold on when you have to go to the bathroom. I thought, if I sing this note, I’m going to pee my pants — if I don’t, I’m going to look humiliated. The actor in me took over.”
Hugh thought he’d gotten away with it until he looked out past the footlights and then down.
“The audience was looking at me funny. It had seeped through and my pants were completely wet!”
Speaking of Hugh Jackman’s urine, I would like to make it known that I would happily bathe myself in a pool of Wolverine’s wee-wee. I’d frolic and splash and roll around like a pig in a mud puddle or a dog on a stink. Of course, I’d prefer bathing in his sweat or his semen, but beggars can’t be choosers. They also can’t panhandle at the bottom of interstate exit ramps between the hours of four and seven p.m. That’s why I mostly stick to downtown street corners and gas stations. All that moving around can really wreak havoc on a girl’s cardboard box.
Hugh at Bondi Beach in Sydney, Australia:
Before looking at these pictures of Hugh Jackman on the beach in Sydney, girls, you might want to assume the crouching position and make sure you’re directly over something that’s been bolted or welded to the floor. His abs have been known to literally blow the panties right off of you. In fact, when NASA’s running low on hydrogen fuel, they just show the shuttle pictures of Hugh Jackman shirtless and the rocket pretty much launches itself. True fucking story. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, ladies!
By the way, this sexy bastard just turned 40 on Saturday:
Nicole Kidman claims that swimming in a waterhole in Australia was responsible for her unexpected pregnancy. NY Daily News says,
The “Moulin Rouge” star, who gave birth to daughter Sunday Rose last July, claims that she and six other women who swam in Kununurra waters during production of upcoming Baz Luhrmann romance “Australia” later miraculously conceived. “I never thought that I would get pregnant and give birth to a child, but it happened on this movie,” Kidman says in today’s The Australian Women’s Weekly.
“Seven babies were conceived out of this film and only one was a boy,” she gushes. “There is something up there in the Kununurra water because we all went swimming in the waterfalls, so we can call it the fertility waters now.”
I don’t take stock in magical waters. I DO however, believe in the magical powers of Hugh Jackman, Kidman’s costar. Wouldn’t your ovaries get excited at the prospect of being near to Wolverine in his native habitat? I submit to the jury Exhibit A:
Aaand for comparison, Exhibit B:
I think I just felt a shudder go through my fallopian tubes. I dunno, highlighted hair and a waxed chest with a Rico Suave shirt doesn’t do it for me. Case closed!
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