In Touch Weekly — who was the first tabloid magazine to break the news of Angelina Jolie’s pregnancy with twins last year, by the way — is claiming that Brangelina is knocked up again and already three months along with her seventh child. Dear God. Us Weekly says

In Touch claims Jolie announced she was pregnant in a London restaurant when a waiter tried to pour her [an alcoholic] drink. The magazine says beau Brad Pitt was annoyed because he wasn’t ready to go public with the news. In Touch also reports Jolie pushed forward filming of Edwin A. Salt so her bump wouldn’t be visible.

Look, if it’s complete asexualization of their pseudo-marriage she was looking for, she could have just lopped off Brad’s wiener with pruning shears and glued some tortellini where his dick used to be. Almost as good as a vagina, and it’d save them all a whole lotta time in the long run.

Angie at the 12th Annual Hollywood Film Festival’s Awards Gala last month: