So much for those rumors of infidelity and gayness — Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick are expecting twins! Only someone else is gestating and delivering them, thanks to Matthew’s adult-onset vagina allergy and chronic jazz hand condition. People Magazine says

The Hollywood couple, who already have son James Wilkie, 6, announced they’re “happily anticipating the birth of their twin daughters later this summer with the generous help of a surrogate.”

Well, you know how that old saying goes — “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make a man have sex with it.” Congratulations to the happy couple!

The most unconvincing display of heterosexuality since that time your drama teacher had to fill in for the gym coach back in high school:

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt conceived twins Knox and Vivienne through the magic of reproductive science. According to Us Weekly

The actress chose [in vitro fertilization] (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so ’she wouldn’t have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant. She could just knock it out.’

“If we’re going to have 10 kids, we’d like to raise them while we’re young,” Angelina told Elle U.K. last year.

It’s easy to get impatient when you’re itching to start your family. Like Phiengchai Sisouvanh Synhavong of Washington state, for example. She bypassed fertility drugs altogether by stabbing a pregnant woman to death and cutting the unborn baby out her womb. Apparently homicide and kidnapping don’t cost near as much as in vitro fertilization. The down side is that they’re both class one felonies in all fifty states punishable by lifetime in prison and an eternity in hell. Sometimes the bargain isn’t always the best bet!