What more Cannes I say here? That Angelina Jolie is unbelievably, jaw-droppingly, moutain-ox strangling punch-your-mother-in-the-face gorgeous? Please. That’s like trying to sing with all the voices of the mountains or paint with all the colors of the wind. It really only works if you’re two-dimensional and cloyingly stereotyped.

This smells like a load of crap to me, but Star is claiming that Angelina Jolie is worried about Brad Pitt maybe possibly having an undue amount of interest in Diane Kruger, his costar in Quentin Tarantino’s asininely misspelled new movie:

Angie is livid, sources say, over Brad’s recent freewheeling behavior with the happily single costars and director of his latest movie, Inglourious Basterds. But what’s really sending Angie over the edge is the blatant flirtation between him and his gorgeous leading lady, German actress Diane Kruger! “Angie loves Brad and wants to trust him, but she also knows that their own love blossomed while working on a movie together,” an insider tells Star. “Now she’s convinced that Diane has a crush on Brad, and she’s scared something could happen.”

Angelina’s instincts first kicked into high gear in September when Brad and divorcée Diane both attended an intimate cast dinner without her in Berlin. “They went through several bottles of wine,” Mimmo Bianco, manager of Italian restaurant Al Contadino Sotto le Stelle tells Star. “It was obvious he was having a great time.”

I can think of at least 18 reasons why this is stupid and probably a pack of lies, but let’s focus on the two most obvious.  First, every time I’ve ever seen a photo of Diane Kruger, she’s wrapped around Joshua Jackson like a giant squid on a sperm whale.  I’m fairly certain she often has no idea where she actually is, because she hardly ever looks anywhere except directly at Joshua Jackson’s face.  She seems pretty content with her lot, such as it is.  Second, Brad Pitt would have to be completely goddamn retarded to cheat on Angelina Jolie, especially with Diane Kruger.  Diane’s an incredibly lovely woman, but Angelina Jolie is… well, LOOK at her.  Plus, Angelina is one of the most famous people in the world.  I bet if you showed the average person a photo of Diane Kruger, they’d get a giant wrinkle in their forehead, say “Ummmm…” for at least three solid minutes, and then snap and go, “She was the girl in those assy treasure hunting movies with Nicolas Cage’s hairplugs!  Man, Nicolas Cage completely sucks.”

The funniest part of the story, though, is this:

Meanwhile, Jennifer Aniston, who was married to Brad when he costarred in Troy with Diane, was always jealous of Diane, sources say, so Angelina’s predicament is a small victory. “Jen would absolutely love it if Angie got a taste of her own medicine and hasn’t been shy about letting everyone know,” says an insider. “Jen didn’t trust Diane when she worked with Brad, and now she’s happy that Angelina knows how it feels. For her it would be the sweetest karma!”

Hahaha!  Oh, that Jennifer Aniston.  I hope none of Brad and Angie’s United Colours of Benetton crew ever get a pet bunny, because it’ll totally end up in a stew pot.  Well, what is Jen supposed to do?  He won’t answer her calls; he changes his number.  I mean, she’s not gonna be IGNORED, Brad!