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Lindsay’s Lohan’s manager, entertainment lawyer and criminal defense lawyer were all on board the “emergency intervention” Michael Lohan staged last week, but Lindsay put the kibosh on the whole thing by calling the cops when her father showed up. Now Michael is petitioning a judge to order a conservatorship over Lindsay because she’s surrounded by “drug addicts and alcoholics.” TMZ says:

Michael has told an attorney his daughter is a substance abuser who is hanging with the wrong group of people, including Dina Lohan.

Michael will meet with lawyers early this week, and there’s one thing he does want — he will NOT become Lindsay’s conservator, because he doesn’t want to run her finances so people will pass it off as a money grab. We’re told Michael wants the judge to decide who to appoint conservator, but he says it CAN’T be Dina.

The first thing he will do if there’s a conservatorship is convince the conservator to send Lindsay to rehab, without the influence of the other people in her life. Michael says every time Lindsay has been to rehab — including at Cirque Lodge and Betty Ford — “She went in dirty and didn’t come out clean,” and he blames it on the people in her life who helped fuel her addiction.

Michael also told the lawyer he wants the conservator to somehow convince Dina that they need family therapy. He says Dina has always refused it in the past, and it has been a big stumbling block in Lindsay’s recovery.

So Lindsay of course is filing for a restraining order against her father now. Not that I fault her for it. The man wears mesh, for Chrissakes. According to TMZ:

Lindsay Lohan is royally pissed at Michael Lohan and his “intervention” attempt — and now she’s 100% on board with obtaining an order of protection against him … just like her mom wanted all along.

Lindsay feels the ONLY way to stop her dad from pulling his crazy stunts is to get a judge involved.

LiLo will fly to NYC this week to meet with the rest of her family — and they’ll figure out how to get the stay away order.

It’s all so very tragic. The Lohan family story is not destined to have a happy ending. Unless you meant “happy ending” in the Korean massage parlor sense of the word, in which case they’re destined to have plenty.

Everything about Lindsay’s outfit is wrong except for the Birkin bag, which costs more than my last three cars combined. But this bag from Reiss Angelina will only set you back $660.

Lindsay Lohan’s father Michael and two armed police officers barged into her L.A. apartment yesterday as part of an intervention and welfare check at Michael’s request on his youngest daughter, Ali, who has been staying with Lindsay for the last two weeks. Thanks, California tax payers! That’s your tax dollars hard at work right there. Us Magazine says

Michael [says] that he was worried about Ali after hearing she drove home “at 115 miles an hour” from the Coachella music festival this weekend with Lindsay.

“I went to the police department concerned about Ali’s welfare,” Michael says. “I wanted to check on Ali. I want to make sure she’s OK. She’s 16 and she doesn’t belong there! She’s a minor. Ali is being exposed to nightlife and the people Lindsay is surrounding herself with,” Michael continues.

Michael says he’s meeting with Lindsay’s attorney’s today to consider getting a conservatorship, similar to Britney Spears and Jamie Spears.

But of course mom Dina Lohan has to get her two coked-out cents in, telling the media that Michael didn’t even recognize his younger daughter upon entering the apartment. According to Radar Online

“Michael walked into the apartment looked right at Ali and said, I’m looking for my daughter Ali, is she here?” Dina [said].

“That’s from Ali’s lips to God’s ears. He didn’t even recognize his own daughter. That’s what she told me he said when he walked in there and saw her.”

“I’m petrified for my girls and their safety. My girls are so afraid of him, I’ve had an order of protection place since 2005. They are so afraid for their lives. My ex-husband is dangerous.”

I’m pretty sure that nothing from a Lohan’s lips ever makes it to God’s ears, but don’t try telling her that. And besides, who needs God when you’ve got Twitter, right? Lindsay tweeted:

i have no choice but to make this public, due to my sister’s safety, as well as my own, “my ex-dad” just WALKED INTO MY APT like the devil’s advocate with officers.

my BUILDING didn’t STOP him, isn’t it supposed to be safe? it coulda been FAKE cops! dressed up!when will it ever end… it’s been going on my whole life with him-hasn’t he caused enough pain ?

the only one in need of police protection here is ME AND ALI from our pathological, lying ex-father!

my mother is AMAZING! not ANYTHING like what Michael is saying. W/out her, i wouldn’t of been able to follow my dreams and be as strong as i am today.

my friend @lianalevi doesn’t drive 100mph!! my dad is the one who drove into a telephone pole!!!! hello! i’m not up ALL NIGHT!!! stop lying!

at least i can laugh at my ex-con father :) anyone care to join in on the laughter avec moi?? hehe

pathological liar- a person who lies to the point of it being considered a disease or condition, an abnormally habitual liar = MY FATHER

I’m not surprised he didn’t recognize Ali, because since she’s started hanging around with Lindsay, she looks like a 35-year old divorcee with gout. All I know is if the military could somehow get its hands on whatever toxic forcefield it is that Lindsay Lohan creates, we’d have a bioweapon so powerful that all our enemies would once again fear us. We might not be able to nuke you, but we’ve still got Lindsay Lohan and her poison vagina! Mwah ha ha ha!

dr-phil.jpg

Dr. Phil McGraw showed up Cedars-Sinai Saturday morning to counsel the recently hospitalized Britney Spears. And I meant “counsel” in the literal form of the word, from the Latin consilium meaning “try to capitalize on others’ misfortunes and then exploit them for ratings.” Maslow and Jung can kiss his big Texan ass! According to People magazine

In a statement to Entertainment Tonight, McGraw said: “My meeting with Britney and some family members this morning in at Cedars leaves me convinced more than ever that she is in dire need of both medical and psychological intervention. She was released moments before my arrival and was packing when I entered the room. We visited for about an hour before I walked with her to her car.”

Dr. Phil is devoting his Monday taping to the pop star’s problems. The show will air [Tuesday].

But it seems that nobody alerted Britney to his impending arrival, and she didn’t so much “chat with him” as “completely ignore him as he chased behind her still running his flap.” According to TMZ

Cedars Sinai Medical Center let Dr. Phil go up to Britney Spears’ room without her prior knowledge or consent. Britney had no idea Dr. Phil was coming to her room and indeed when he walked in she became agitated and walked out. The show wanted to book Brit for a TV intervention that is being taped on Monday. We’re told she wants nothing to do with it, and the show will not have her on.

Who, oh, who could have possibly orchestrated this, then? Did you guess “the same woman who sold out her other teenage daughter’s illegitimate pregnancy to the tabloids?” Well, you’d be right!

We’re also told Brit’s parents, who wanted Dr. Phil to visit Britney, had agreed at least initially to be on the program.

It takes a special woman to knowingly shove her children down the gullet of the Great Satan and then wait for him to start shitting dollar bills. It also takes a special woman to wander the parking lot of the Phillips 66 in a mesh tube top and offer head to the next syphilitic trucker she sees for a finsky and a smoke. Coincidence? Find out on Tuesday’s all-new Dr. Phil!

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