I take a great deal of pride in the fact that I have never once knowingly listened to a Lily Allen song. I have also never watched an episode of “The Hills” or “Gossip Girl” or any of Season 7 of “American Idol.” I read recently that exposing yourself to too much crap can make you get fat, and if there’s one thing a girl can’t be, it’s fat. Or ugly. Case in point: 23-year-old “singer” (like I said, I can’t confirm that) Lily Allen had to be lugged out of the Glamour Women of the Year Awards in London last night, where she cleverly used her Editor’s Special Award to hide her face from the paparazzi, without considering the bright pink hair and the decapitated Bambi print dress and the teal shoes might give her away anyway. The Daily Mail says

Bleary-eyed and most definitely worse for wear, the newly pink-haired singer covered her face with her very own Glamour gong as a security guard put her in to a car. Lily, who teamed her freshly coloured tresses with a prom dress decorated with prints of a bleeding Bambi, had [to be propped up] as she struggled to keep her balance.

Like my dad once said, “Nobody likes fat chicks.” He also used to say, “Better hope Santy Claus brings you a treadmill” and “What are you, some kind of lesbian?” I think Lily could have really learned a lot from my father.