The actor who played Steve Urkel on “Family Matters” is currently under investigation for domestic assault. You might wanna ahead go and get the “Did I do thaaaaaat?” out of your system right now, because I’m not having it. TMZ says

Jaleel White’s baby mama Bridget Hardy filed a report with the LAPD Tuesday [claiming] White punched her in one of her breast implants while they were driving on Pacific Coast Highway two weeks ago with an infant in the car. She claims when they got home, White slapped her and pushed her into a toilet so hard it broke the tank.

A rep for Jaleel [says], “There was absolutely no battery … no abuse … and the incident never happened. This is just a ploy in an ongoing custody battle over their young daughter to tarnish his name.”

I don’t know what’s more shocking — that none of Waldo Geraldo Faldo’s hijinx were involved, or that the guy who played Steve Urkel still has a rep. Anyway, I just hope Jaleel has an airtight alibi for the night in question. Something along the lines of “It couldn’t have been me, because I was with Mel Gibson the whole time.”

Forget about MJ’s corpse today, shall we? Let’s hear about another living, breathing corpse. Pete Doherty is soon going to be in the hot seat about his possible involvement in the death of actor Mark Blanco in December of 2006. NineMSN reveals,

He fell to his death from the first floor of an East London apartment soon after a confrontation with Doherty and two others.

Police initially recorded the death as accidental and that he fell trying to jump to a lamppost, but a coroner has now ordered the investigation re-opened.

Blanco’s mother says Doherty “must face questioning” over the murder.

“I want the truth to come out,” she added.

The poor bugger was only trying to escape what he clearly thought was an apparition. You tell me if you saw that white clammy thing coming for you, you wouldn’t cry like a little girl and head like a bat out of hell for the nearest exit. Which in this case, was a window. Perhaps if Babyshambles breaks up, Doherty could pick up some extra work being Death’s sidekick. Yeah, he looks the part. Get him a t-shirt with an arrow pointing to the side that says, I’m with Death.