I don’t know how Jaime Pressly looks like this a year and a half after giving birth. Plastic surgery? Magic lamp? A deal with devil himself? All I know is that a year and a half after giving birth, my midsection looked like the rind of a deflated cantaloupe and it refused to buck Newton’s First Law of Motion. There was a good thirty second delay between the time I stopped moving and the reams of loose stomach skin finally got the message. I think I speak for women everywhere when I say Jaime Pressly and her perfect fucking abs can go to hell. Nobody likes a show-off.

In next month’s Shape Magazine:

Former Playboy model Jaime Pressly feared she would have to star in a sex tape to make it in Hollywood, after many celebrities sex tapes catapulted them to stardom. Stars like Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson, Eve and Fred Durst have been in the spotlight when their private raunchy videos were released to the public. Jaime says:

“No way would I ever do it. Not after what happened to everybody I know. And people I don’t even know! Not a chance. Last year sex tapes were the in thing. It made me go, ‘Jesus, all I had to do was have sex with somebody on a tape? I’ve been working for 11 years busting my ass and all I had to do was have sex on the internet?’”

What the hell? Jaime showed her boobies and her ass for years to make it in Hollywood. Don’t tell me it’s her nice teeth that catapulted her to stardom. Ah, those little starlets can be quite funny sometimes.

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