Britney Spears’ entire extended family joined her in Miami yesterday for a little fun in the sun with the kiddies. The Daily Mail sys

Famous sisters Britney Spears and Jamie Lynn Spears wore colorful bikinis as they relaxed poolside with their children, mother Lynne and father Jamie at the five-star Mandarin Oriental Hotel on Brickell Key.

Britney and her sons Sean Preston, three, and Jayden James, two, frolicked in the pool with Jamie and her 14-month-old daughter Maddie.

Things sure start improving when you get both Spears siblings together in bikinis! Like your odds of finding a dude with a high school equivalency who actually knows how to bowhunt nearby, for example.

Even more Spears bikini action after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin

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There are a lot of things you shouldn’t do in the first trimester when you’re pregnant. Smoking, for example. Soft cheeses. And — of course — major invasive body-sculpting plastic surgery. Too bad nobody told Jamie Lynn Spears. Star Magazine says

Jamie Lynn had just finished Zoey 101 when she found the weight piling on. “She didn’t know she was pregnant when she filled out the health questionnaire prior to the procedure,” a source reveals. “Her mom approved the injections and went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to administer them to an underage patient.”

Moms-to-be are advised against the procedure. “Liposuction is dangerous and should not be performed on a pregnant woman,” plastic surgeon Dr. Gary Burton tells Star. “It poses serious health risks to the fetus.”

Early-pregnancy liposuction still can’t be as serious a risk to a baby as “being born a Spears.” That’s practically a fate worse than death. I could put a baby in a hay baler with nothing but a box of raisins and some matches and it’d still have a better chance at turning out normal than little Maddie. It just might end up square and smelling of alfalfa and horse spit.

Out in L.A. last month:

I suppose it was only a matter of time before something like this happened.  Apparently Jamie Lynn Spears’ boyfriend or fiance or whatever (the dude who knocked her up) took some pictures of Jamie Lynn breastfeeding the baby, and then brought his camera card into Wal-Mart to get printouts.  Why in the hell he thought this was a good idea is beyond me.  What happened next is exactly what a sane, normal person might expect would happen after someone is stupid enough to bring pictures of a breastfeeding celebrity into a Wal-Mart.  According to TMZ:

Law enforcement believes someone at the Wal-Mart may have made extra copies, then tried selling them.

Because Jamie Lynn is a minor, selling the pics — or buying them — could constitute a violation of federal laws prohibiting child pornography. Peddling pictures of a minor’s breast — even if not taken for sexual purposes — could land the seller and the buyer in federal prison if they are marketed across state lines for the purpose of being lurid. Also, anyone purchasing the pics could be prosecuted for the crime of receiving stolen property.

Other pics in the set include Britney holding the baby and one of Jamie Lynn, Britney, Brian (Brit’s bro), Lynne Spears and Jamie Spears around Jamie Lynn’s hospital bed. There are also pics of Maddie by herself, and there’s a picture of Jamie Lynn in a negligee holding the baby.

Authorities are trying to find the man who is attempting to sell the photos. In addition, we’re told Britney’s lawyers are thinking about going after Wal-Mart for the alleged security breach.

Ugh.  Seriously.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I guess I feel kinda bad for Jamie Lynn, because all she was doing was feeding her squalling bastard infant and she probably had no idea that her boyfriend was such an idiot he’d bring the pictures into Wal-Mart so some toothless hillbilly could launch a get-rich-quick scheme, turning Jamie Lynn into a child porn star.  I blame Lynne Spears.  I haven’t figured out yet exactly how she’s directly at fault in this instance, but I have no doubt that her piss poor parenting is somehow involved.

I do hope Britney tries to sue Wal-Mart, though.  I hope she tries to sue the hell out of them, and I hope the case is televised, because I cannot imagine anything more awesome than watching that hot mess play out on camera.

Despite rumors that her pregnancy complications would require a c-section, OK! Magazine is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth naturally to 7 lbs. 11 oz Maddie Briann yesterday morning. All of Jamie’s family were there for the birth, including “daddy” Casey Aldridge, who managed to secure several days paternity leave from his work. And what does Casey do, exactly? I’m glad you asked. According to the AP

Casey Aldridge [is] a pipe-layer from Liberty, Mississippi.

What a small world! My husband is a pipe-layer, too. In fact, he laid some serious pipe last night! Woo! I’m going to be walking around like a cowboy for the next 24 hours. You know, because of the rickets. Well, what did you think I was talking about? Jesus, you guys are such perverts. It’s not all dick humor and gay jokes around here, you know. Sometimes I also talk about poop. Let’s try to keep it classy for once.

Aunt Britney visiting in Kentwood:

Jamie Lynn Spears is reportedly undergoing a C-section today due to pregnancy complications. The National Enquirer says

The 17 year-old’s ultrasound last week [indicated] her baby may be in breech position. Britney and her father Jamie left Los Angeles Wednesday morning on a commercial flight to join Jamie Lynn. The baby is a girl.

Jamie Lynn’s grandmother was surprised to discover the baby was breech. “But she done did ev’rything right!” her grandmother was quoted as saying. “She din’t wear no high heels so’uns the baby won’t be borned crosseyed. She din’t never look at a snake an’ always carried a acorn in her pockit for good luck. It just don’t make no sense!” She then told me Jamie Lynn could cure warts by buying them for a dollar and that I shouldn’t go barefoot without my longhandles before May 10.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every last one of those is a real mountian superstition. Viva Appalachia!

UPDATE: Us Weekly is reporting that Jamie Lynn gave birth this morning to a baby girl name Maddie.

At Wal-Mart May 30th:

Big sis Britney Spears flew home to Louisiana to attend a baby shower for Jamie Lynn Spears on Saturday. It was — as expected — a high-falutin, super-classy affair, with lots of clouds of carbon monoxide and chemical additives courtesy of Britney. People Magazine reports

About 30 guests were invited to Kentwood for a ladies-only, catered celebration for the 17-year-old at the family’s Serenity mansion. Mom Lynne and fiancé Casey Aldridge’s mother lent a hand. “We all sat in a circle and she opened gifts and thanked every person. It was just a good old fashioned baby shower.

The talk of the shower, though, was Britney’s gift. Her gift came without boxes or bows. It was a gift of the heart, handwritten on notebook paper held together with Scotch tape. I proudly present to you “Britney Spears’ Top Ten New Mama Tips For Jamie Lynn.” Enjoy.

10. Don’t titty-feed or your nipples’ll get as big as fuckin dinner plates

9. If’n you lay ‘em on their bellies, you don’t have ta hear ‘em holler so much

8. Formula ain’t the same as heavy whippin cream, so don’t never use it on pie

7. Ya can smoke while you’re feedin ‘em as long as ya point yer cigarette the other way

6. Tin foil makes a good toy cuz it’s cheap an shiny and the little ‘uns like shiny

5. Don’t NEVER micrawave babies. Just use a towel.

4. If’n it shits in the crib, you can put them in a dog carrier until the housekeepers git there

3. Babies can’t breathe underwater like they do in the movies

2. Only drive with ‘em in yer lap if’n there’s no one around to take yer pitcher

and the number one piece of advice from big sis Britney:

1. Don’t never hold ‘em hostage when it’s time to hand ‘em over to your ex-husband

A visibly pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears celebrated the big one-seven with fiancé Casey Aldridge in Mississippi this weekend. People Magazine says

Spears, who is pregnant with Aldridge’s child, took in a quiet dinner with Aldridge at [a Liberty, Mississippi Ruby Tuesday's]. They then went to Wal-Mart, where Spears looked at sleeping bags.

Pregnant teen with G.E.D. at a discount department store — that’s practically every cliché in the book! I’m waiting for Jeff Foxworthy to add “… then you might be a redneck” and Gretchen Wilson to chime in with a “Hell yeah.” I hope Jamie wanted a lifetime of anniversary cartons of cigarettes and Christmases filled with Craftsman Truck Series race tickets, because that’s damn sure what she’s getting.

It’s nice to see that Jamie Lynn Spears has finally chinned up. All three of them. When asked for comment, she said, “Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. They will all suffer for this outrage!” Perhaps multiple chins are the true source of Jedi mind trick immunity.

As of last month, Jamie Lynn Spears is the proud owner of one bonafide high school equivilancy diploma. A friend of the family tells People Magazine

“She’s already got her diploma. She wants to take her ACT. She’s not wasting any time. Everybody is so supportive of her.”

Yep, a future just doesn’t get any brighter than “pregnant teen with a GED.” According to all those commercials that come on between Divorce Court and Springer, Jamie Lynn now has an exciting future ahead of her as a welder, electronic systems technician, medical assistant, paralegal, or many more! And also, if she has been recently injured or diagnosed with an illness, she should contact the law offices of Bart Durham to see if she is entitled to compensation for her injuries. “Justice is your right… and we DEMAND it!” Representing the Injured and Disabled for Over 50 Years.

Jamie house-hunting with her mom last week:

Well, I’m back, boys and girls! Thanks for all the kind words and concerned emails during my absence. And also the liter bottles of gin on my doorstep. I don’t know how the hell you found out where I live, and though terrifying, I appreciate the gesture nonetheless. You guys are the best!

And now, without further ado — Jamie Lynn Spears is a trailer trash whorebag! God, it feels good to be back! According to Star magazine

The Zoey 101 star has often cheated on Casey, the 18-year-old she has identified as the father of her child. “I know for a fact that Casey was not the first guy she slept with — or the last,” says one fellow teen in Kentwood, La. “There were at least two others. I know that 110 percent.”

Just days before announcing her pregnancy in December, Jamie Lynn shocked a boy at a party by asking him for sex. “It’s cool, I’m pregnant,” she said. “I can’t get pregnant again!”

That’s quite possibly the skankiest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. And that’s a real feat, considering all the COPS and Springer reruns I watch when I’m supposed to be out looking for a job. In a distant second and third: “I already spit out all the other dude’s cum” and “You can’t get pregnant from doin’ it in the butt.”

Jamie still being a pregnant tramp last week:

Nickelodeon has decided against working statutory rape turned teenage pregnancy into their hit television series “Zoey 101,” which means Jamie Lynn Spears can officially kiss all but porn and shitty infomercials good-bye. London’s The Sun reports

The show starring Britney Spears’ pregnant little sister has been axed, TV Biz can reveal. The fourth and final season has already been filmed — with two episodes that will see the end of US schoolgirl Zoey. And a show source further revealed: “Nickelodeon bosses are still undecided whether to air season four or not. For now it looks like it has been canned.”

Give it five or ten years and then be on the lookout for the following titles:

UPDATE: TV Guide and several other sources are now claiming the show has NOT been canceled. Unfortunately, same goes for “I, Carly” and “Tak and the Power of Juju.”

The National Enquirer was the first to break the news that Jaimie Lynn Spears was pregnant back in July of this year, well before Tuesday’s surprise announcement. Her flak’s response to the Enquirer’s article was a hilariously sanctimonious cease-and-desist letter touting her moral infallibility and unquestionable chasteness (excerpts below):

Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith

Re: living out of wedlock with her teenage boyfriend, just like in the Bible.

There is no “rumor concerning Ms. Spears’ pregnancy, except… for the baseless rumor being created by the National Enquirer.

Why don’t you just slap Jesus across the face already with your lies.

Ms. Spears is not pregnant.

But if she were, ever heard of “virgin birth?” Check the gospels. It happens.

It is pathetic for the National Enquirer to… run a malicious and false story which would be emotionally devastating to a morally upright 16 year old girl

Or morally on-her-back 16 year old girl.

Ms. Spears demands the National Enquirer immediately cease and desist from spreading false and malicious rumors she is pregnant and… be reprimanded for [its] improper and illegal conduct.

Speaking of illegal, isn’t a 19 year old knocking up a 16 year old illegal in most states?

You can read the entire letter here, or you can stand in front of an open oven and imagine you’re at the threshold of the fiery gates of hell. It’s pretty much the same thing.

Jamie before she was pregnant: