Tranny she-monster Janet Jackson was hospitalized earlier this week, but not because one of her undescended testicles burst through her abdomen like you probably assumed. Ms. Jackson-If-You’re-Nasty had herself a case of the flu! According to People Magazine

“She’s fine,” says the rep. “She’s just battling this crazy flu like everyone else. She did go to [the emergency room] at Cedars-Sinai [Medical Center] but was released after being treated for the flu-like symptoms.”

Sorry, the only people who go to the emergency room with the flu are infants, senior citizens, and people with AIDS. Fact. I don’t see any diapers or HoverRounds, so, obviously, she must have AIDS. It makes sense. Really, if she doesn’t look like “Gay Man with Perm Circa 1984″ I don’t know what does. Your mom, maybe? Zing! Well, fuck you, man. Jesus. I have the flu, okay?

The Lady Chablis leaving Katsuya March 4th: