The Office’s Pam Beasly looks absolutely amazing on the cover of next month’s Shape magazine. And the best part is, she didn’t even use a personal trainer or dietitian to lose all the weight — she’s been completey hands-on, doing it all by herself. Ha ha, that’s what she said! Okay, so maybe it’s funnier when Michael Scott says it.

Showing a little cleave at the “He’s Just Not That Into You” premiere:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News

Now, for my favorite part of completely useless red carpet productions like the Screen Actors’ Guild Awards last night: making fun of the celebrities and their overpriced couture dresses! I deemed Ally McBeal actress Jane Krakowski “Ugly Cake Taker” for this year’s SAGs. And boy, sags is right. That could be one of the most unflattering necklines and décolletage displays I’ve ever seen. She looks like she ought to be rotating on a spit with an apple stuffed in her big ugly pie hole. It’d be better if instead of the ruching there were coconuts and some girthy Hawaiians about to dump her in a volcano. You know, appease the gods of fashion. Namely me. I demand sacrifice!

The bad, the worse, and what-the-fuck-is-that? after the jump

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The 2007 Emmy Awards were last night, and like you, I didn’t watch a goddamn second of it. I was forced to attend some sex toy party a neighbor had instead because I’m too nice to tell people no. And as a reward for my selflessness, I was actually made to stick my finger in what the Pure Romance lady coyly referred to as a “pocket pussy.” Oh, yes. It even queefed when I pulled my finger out.

But I would wager that sticking my digits into fake rubber vaginas was still more fun than a self-congratulatory celebrity award show that lasted seven hours. So, without further ado, what we really care about here — the dresses. Overall, I give this years Emmys’ look a huge thumbs down. There were maybe one or two actresses that looked really good. Ali Larter up there, for example. Everyone else — the big hair, the ruffles, the thick, greasy makeup –was just hideous. Geriatric and poofy and fucking hideous. See for yourself after the jump.

If you care who actually won what, you can click here for an excruciatingly detailed recap of last night’s show.

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Jenna Fischer and her husband, writer/director husband James Gunn have split after over six years of marriage. The couple has released the following statement to People:

“We have chosen to separate. We are sorry for any pain this causes family and friends,” says the statement. “The enthusiasm we have expressed for each other’s lives, spirits and careers is real – we have been each other’s cheerleader and friend during the past six years and continue to be so now and in the future.”

While we here at Yeeeah! take pride in relishing a good celebrity break-up, there’s not much disparaging that can be said about “Pam” from The Office. But on the bright side, with Karen out of the way, it looks like she and Jim may finally have a chance now! Yes! Oh, and don’t go telling me that “they’re not real.” Or that they’re “just fictional characters on a TV show.” Because the last guy that said that me to me was my shrink — that asshole — and I haven’t heard from him since his accident when he fell on that knife that went through his chest seven or eight times. He should have really been more careful. Boy, I sure love The Office!

The Screen Actors Guild Awards, the most useless of the many self-congratulatory Hollywood award shows, was held last night at the Shrine Exposition Center in L.A. One step shy of being “High School Superlatives,” the SAG awards are chosen by fellow celebrity actors and actresses, making them pretty much completely meaningless as far as awards go. But it’s still an excuse for the beautiful and famous to festoon themselves in their red carpet best, and an excuse for me to judge and mock their chosen attire, so I’ll take it any way I can get it. I’ll save the pith and vinegar for the next post and give you the best-dressed first.

For a complete list of nominees and winners, click here, loser. The rest of you, la crème de la crème after the jump.

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Don’t let the frumpy sweater sets and perma-barretted hair fool you, folks — “Pam” from “The Office” is a fox. Jenna Fischer looked super-hot on Ferguson yesterday. Get a load of that impressive rack! I love when a celebrity surprises you that way. It’s like getting to open a present or something — underneath all the paper and demure clothing, ta-da! There’s boobies! Unexpected, you know. It’s probably kinda like when Pink’s husband saw her naked for the first time and realized that she was actually a man underneath those clothes. Balls and everything, I bet. Surprise! Didn’t see that coming, now did you? Oh, wait — you probably did. Pink’s such a dyke.

More sexy Pam after the jump.

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