Jennifer Aniston and new boyfriend Justin Theroux are already shacking up together less than a week after he dumped his girlfriend of 14 years. Us Magazine says:

“[Justin's] living at her place in L.A.!” an insider [says]. “And she’s introducing him as her boyfriend.”

39-year-old Theroux usually kept a room at Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont before taking up residence at Aniston’s [home].

And then there’s this little tidbit, from Radar Online:

Jen stepped out on the streets of New York Wednesday with Theroux — both wearing matching gold rings on their wedding fingers.

Strangely enough, in addition to the clunky, gaudy rings the couple were also wearing matching gold watches, and seemed keen to show off their baubles to the eager waiting paparazzi.

Ooh, matching promise rings! They must be serious, because now they’re engaged to be engaged. In imaginary relationship terms, that’s almost as good as being assistant to the regional manager.

Despite publicly calling Angelina Jolie “uncool” for breaking up her marriage to Brad Pitt, it seems Jennifer Aniston is perfectly cool with destroying “Wanderlust” co-star Justin Theroux’s fourteen year relationship with his live-in girlfriend. Funny how that works, isn’t it? Page Six says:

Hollywood costume designer Heidi Bivens “is devastated” after Theroux abruptly ended their relationship as he got close to Aniston.

Aniston, 42, and Theroux, 39, met last fall on the set of “Wanderlust,” due in October, but in recent weeks they have become inseparable.

A source told us, “Heidi is heartbroken. She was completely blindsided. She and Justin had been together for years, they had a home. Then he met Jennifer and everything changed. At first he claimed he and Jen were friends.”

A rep for Bivens confirmed: “Heidi and Justin have been together for 14 years. They met when she was 20 years old and he 24, and yes, she just moved out of their home last weekend. She has no comment.”

When Aniston and Theroux were first spotted dining together in May, her rep insisted they were friends. But in recent weeks, the pair have repeatedly been seen dining out and reportedly spending weekends together, with Hollywood sources telling us that “things are moving fast. They are practically living together.”

A rep for Aniston… declined to comment.

“No comment,” huh? So she can dish it out, but she can’t take it. Just like a husband when you decide you want to experiment with a strap-on. That’s a double standard right there!

In next month’s Marie Claire:

More of her in New York showing off her rack:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Jennifer Aniston promoted her new perfume at Sephora in New York City yesterday in a strategically-cut Vivienne Westwood dress that showed off her “peek-a-boo cleavage.” I’ve done the whole peek-a-boo cleavage thing myself, and to be honest, the other ladies I was playing with didn’t seem to be enjoying it all. Patty-cake cleavage was also not a big hit. The arresting officer said it was technically misdemeanor sexual assault. It’s probably best that I saved the itsy-bitsy-spider cleavage for at home in front of the mirror.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

People, you got it all wrong. Jennifer Aniston doesn’t hate Angelina Jolie! She moved on from that years ago! She’s totally happy and those pictures of her plastered all over her wall with devil horns and beards drawn in with Sharpies are just for shits and giggles! Digital Spy says,

According to Life & Style, the former Friends actress was asked by blogger Perez Hilton to discuss her true feelings about Jolie, who was allegedly behind her split with ex-husband Brad Pitt.

Hilton told the publication that Aniston was adamant about having moved on from the incident and holds no ill will towards Jolie or Pitt.

“Jen said, ‘Look, that was so long ago, and we’ve moved on and we’re all adults’,” Hilton explained.

“I believe what she has to say. I think she really has moved on.”

He also revealed that Aniston still has an active romantic life, adding: “She told me that she dates a lot. [She] just makes sure not to go anywhere public.”

Hilton claims that Aniston made the comments when the pair had a chance encounter in a parking garage.

Never mind that after spending a Thanksgiving weekend holed up with BFF Jennifer, Chelsea Handler just happened to want to call Angelina a home-wrecking cunt on her show. I’m positive that Jen had nothing to do with it. Nope. She’s totally moved on.

At the NY premiere of Just Go With It with Adam Sandler:

No, this isn’t Jennifer Aniston’s Facebook profile pic — it’s part of her photoshoot for next month’s Allure magazine. Her actual Facebook profile pic is probably something much less creepy. Like a picture of her weeping onto a photo of Brad Pitt and drying the tears with her hair, for instance.

Because nothing says “desperate” like a 41-year old clutching a teddy bear:

PHOTO CREDIT: Allure

Jennifer Aniston’s new fragrance appears to be as captivating as her movie roles, as is evidenced by its stellar sales record. That’s my nice way of saying that it’s totally bombing. Hey, I’m still in the Christmas spirit. Digital Spy says,

Jennifer Aniston’s signature fragrance has reportedly suffered from poor sales since its launch.

Now reports that the actress’s lack of promotional work for The Debut has damaged the product’s chances.

An insider said: “Jen chose her perfume. But other than launching it at Harrods in London, she’s done no promotion.

“No-one knew where to find it and now everyone’s lost interest.”

No comment has been given by the scent’s producers, but the source commented: “They’re bound to be disappointed. They can’t figure out why no-one wants to smell like Jen.

“Marketing shows most people believe Jen smells ‘natural and clean’, which is the opposite of why you’d buy a perfume, so maybe that’s it.”

Or maybe the real reason is no one wants to shell out good money to smell like obsessed, bitter ex-wife. If they did, I’d already be bottling and selling it.

At the premiere of Dirt in Los Angeles:

Angelina Jolie and her baby daddy Brad Pitt were all kissy-kissy goo-goo at the red carpet premiere of her new movie “The Tourist” in New York last night, but behind their lovesick simpers and besotted pie-eyes, was something secretly amiss? Fame Pictures says:

Angelina avoided all of the media outlets on her way in, only stopping for the photographers, [presumably] to avoid questions about Chelsea Handlers’ recent remarks about her.

Oh, yes. I almost forgot. Some leathery old bat with a stand-up act called her a cunt yesterday. I just hope being hailed as the most beautiful woman in the world and making love to the two-time winner of People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive offered Angelina the tiniest bit of solace as she walked down the red carpet at her blockbuster movie premiere. We can’t all have late-night cable shows and cirrhosis and bitter spinster friends. Some people are just born lucky, I guess!

With Brad on the red carpet (more pics after the jump):

(more…)

Jennifer Aniston has found a new BFF in “Chelsea Lately” host Chelsea Handler (they spent Thanksgiving together in Cabo), which might explain the dog-cussing Chelsea gave Angelina Jolie during her standup show in Jersey this weekend. The Daily Mail says:

The comedian launched a foul-mouthed tirade against Brad Pitt’s partner during a stand-up show.

‘She’s a homewrecker, she is,’ the 35-year-old said.

‘She can rescue as many babies from as many countries as she wants to,’ she said of the actress, who has three adopted children. ‘You’re a fucking bitch!’

‘She gives interviews, “I don’t have a lot of female friends.” You don’t have a lot of female friends because you’re a fucking cunt.”

Or just maybe Angelina doesn’t have a lot of female friends because most females are catty and vindictive and need constant emotional coddling and attention. Or maybe it’s because most females are inherently threatened by anyone they perceive to be more attractive than they are and secretly try to sabotage them at every turn. It’s the same reason you wouldn’t befriend Benito Mussolini or the Taliban.

Jennifer in NYC for her new movie with Paul Rudd:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Thanksgiving might be over, but Spanksgiving is a holiday you can celebrate all year long, thanks to these pics of Jennifer Aniston in a bikini. Just remember to give thanks before you unzip your pants. It’s what the Native Americans would have wanted.

In Mexico over the weekend:

David Arquette is blaming his wife’s best friend Jennifer Aniston for ruining their marriage of eleven years. Incidentally, I blame Jennifer for ruining her own marriage to Brad Pitt five years ago, but that’s neither here nor there. Nine MSN says:

The 39-year-old phoned Jen after his split from Courteney Cox, telling her, “You never liked me from the start.”

He also made a quip about the Friends star at the premiere of his new movie “The Legend Of Hallow Dega.”

“The film was shot in Courteney’s home state of Alabama,” said David. “Actually, while I was there I came across a town called Anniston. I should have known that was an omen.”

Jennifer can’t be happy unless everyone around her is as unhappy as she is, a behavior pattern that is usually indicative of some type of mental unbalance, be it Histrionic or Borderline Personality Disorder. Am I getting too technical here? Let me put it in layman’s terms, then: if David’s marriage were a Stephen King novel, this would be the part where he wakes up tied to a bed in a cabin and Jennifer Aniston is standing over him with a sledgehammer. Courteney’s HERS now, ya hear? LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!

She’s been dumped by Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer and Josh Hopkins, but apparently none of them know what they’re missing, because Jennifer Aniston was just voted The Most Eligible Single Woman in the World. No word as to whether the award came with a couple of cats and a subscription to “Spinsters Monthly.” Us Magazine says:

The currently-unattached actress, 41, was voted the most eligible single woman in the world, according to a 60 MINUTES/Vanity Fair poll released Monday.

The star (who nabbed 29 percent of the votes) was followed by Halle Berry (21 percent); Elin Nordegren (15 percent); Betty White (11 percent); Lady Gaga (5 percent) and Associate Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, Elena Kagan (4 percent).

Whatever. When did loneliness become a talent? You might as well give an alcoholic an award for “Busiest Liver.” It’ll mean just as much.

Jennifer Aniston has finally figured out a way to make you interested in seeing her movies — and it’s not “replacing her with somebody else.” The Daily Mail says:

She is to star in the film Wanderlust, which calls for her to strip off for the first time in her acting career.

Aniston is looking to the Judd Apatow directed film to boost her flagging career.

The film is also likely to include several sex scenes as Aniston’s character sleeps with numerous men at a hippie commune where she is living with her husband, played by Paul Rudd.

Her character also indulges in threesome with two other women and takes drugs.

Nothing conjures up interest in a movie like full frontal nudity. And nothing conjures up a scribner elf like three drops of rain water collected during the waxing phase of the moon, a pinch of Mugwort and six chrysanthemum leaves stirred with a Yew branch at midnight on the first Saturday of the month. Hopefully he’ll want to write about Jennifer Aniston’s new movie when it comes out, because God knows I sure as hell won’t.