Jennifer Garner has obtained a court order protecting herself from Steven Burky, a man who has been stalking her for the last six years as the “reincarnation of the prophet Enoch.” You know, Noah’s great-great grandfather in the Bible. According to TMZ

In her declaration, Garner says “Mr. Burky has been stalking and harassing me,” sending “packages and letters containing delusional and paranoid thoughts and following me around the country… since 2002, but in the last year his obsessive and harassing behavior has escalated to the point of becoming dangerous and threatening.”

Burky has shown up at her home and said, “God has sent him a vision of [Garner] being persecuted in some manner that may result in her death.”

Garner says she fears for herself, husband Ben Affleck and daughter Violet. She also says “I am currently pregnant and fear for the safety of my second child once born.”

We’ve learned the LAPD has taken the threat seriously and has [placed] Burky is currently under a 5150 psychiatric hold.

Well, of course they did. He’s “Enoch.” Pfft. No wonder Jennifer wouldn’t give him a second glance. Look, if you want your one true love to take your delusional rants seriously, you need to go with someone a little more prominent. Say, “Jesus” or “Santa Claus.” And then show up at her door wearing her dead dog like a hat and a pair of her high heel shoes you stole off the set of Alias six years ago. It’s all about presentation, people. You only have one chance to make a first impression. Remember that the next time you’re chasing a stranger across the country to warn her about your death visions and Biblical incarnations. Otherwise you’ll never make it to second base.

Read his deranged letters here.

Jennifer at the Farmer’s Market with daughter Violet last week:

Matt Damon and wife Luciana are the proud parents of a new baby girl. Blah blah blah blah babies, babies, babies! Damon’s rep tells People Magazine

“Matt and Lucy Damon had a baby girl named Gia Zavala on Wednesday, Aug. 20th. Everyone’s doing great. The newest addition is the third little girl in the Damon household, joining big sisters Isabella, 2, and Alexia, 10.

Not to be outdone, best buddy Ben Affleck’s wife finally admitted she was knocked up. Jennifer Garner told People

“We’re so excited [about the pregnancy], obviously. It’s all good, it’s great. I’m really excited.”

I’m really excited, too. In fact, I haven’t been this excited since they brought back the McRib sandwich. Except for maybe that time everything went down on the third flush without my having to use the plunger. That was pretty exciting, too. Excuse me while I go write this down in my diary.

Frumptastic at the Baby Einstein 10th Anniversary Celebration yesterday:

The same source who told Ted Casablancas back in 2004 that Jennifer Garner was dumping Michael Vartan for Ben Affleck has more juicy Garner Gossip for us. According to The Awful Truth

Sources insist that Jennifer Garner is considering splitting up from her hubby, Ben Affleck. Could this be the reason Jen and Ben are always seen cooing over adorable daughter Violet separately, rarely as one happy family unit? And certainly, those who know the former Alias star well insist Ben’s mama has never particularly cared for [her].

Garner’s rep responded in kind, telling Us Weekly that “there was not one ounce of truth to it” and that it was “100% completely fabricated.” Kinda like an episode of “The Hills,” only more believable.

Jen leaving her home in Brentwood yesterday:

Those rumors that Tom Cruise “auditioned” several Hollywood actresses before choosing Katie Holmes to be his wife have actually been confirmed by a former high-ranking Scientologist. Female First says

[Scientology promotional films producer Marc Headley] reveals, “[Scientology leader David] Miscavige assigned the order: ‘Find a wife for Tom Cruise’ [and] put out a casting call to female actresses saying, ‘There’s an upcoming Tom Cruise movie you might get a part in. Come for an audition.’ They had to be single, they had to be pretty and in their 20s. But in the end no movie was made.

“First they rounded up Scientologist actresses… but they were all rejected. Then they went for Jennifer Garner, Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Alba, in that order. Jennifer and Jessica didn’t bite but Scarlett took the bait. When she found out [the "audition"] was [being held] at the Scientology Center in Hollywood she freaked out. So they worked the audition bit on Katie and introduced her to Tom. The moment he meets her, he’s enthralled with her and he told Miscavige later, ‘I knew immediately she was the one.’”

That’s like thinking you’re the most awesome player on the kickball team ever but then finding out that the captain actually chose you last. And not only did he choose you last, but that the other team took both the smelly kid and the fat kid with the skin condition so they wouldn’t be stuck with you.

It’s that magical time of year when the weeks of drinking laxative tea and binge exercising until their little black hearts almost give out pays off in spades for Hollywood actresses. It’s called the Academy Awards, and thanks to the timely end of the Writer’s Strike, it went off without a hitch last night. The big winner of the evening was “No Country for Old Men,” taking home the Oscars for Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Adapted Screenplay. There were various other boring awards for movies you’ll never see, but I know you want me to shut the hell up and start talking fashion. This year’s Oscars was all about fabric — the more fabric, the merrier. Plenty of ruching, gathering, organza overlay and fishtails. My favorites of the evening were Penelope Cruz in her custom Chanel gown and Kerri Russell’s vintage floral necklace. But there were plenty of others…

Anne Hathaway’s flowered and draped red Marchesa gown somehow made it despite my first instinct to write it off for excessive use of foliage. I usually detest red lips, too, but she manages to keep hers from looking harsh and Bozo-the-Clownish. Her hair and the rest of her makeup is very simple, which keeps the gratuitous excess of the dress in check. Congratulations, Anne — you defied the odds:

Cameron Diaz wore a pale pink Dior by John Galliano bustier gown. I’m not wild about the dress, but I like the color, and that business at the hips works for her because she’s built like a twelve-year old boy:

Jennifer Garner wore a black silk taffeta Oscar de la Renta fishtail gown. I think Oscar could have eased up on those big fat ruffles at the bottom and Jen’s hair looks like a damn combover, but overall it was a success:

Penelope Cruz had a navy Chanel Haute Couture feathered gown designed specifically for her for the big event. It’s over the top and princessy, I know, but for some reason I love it on her. She kept her jewelery and makeup simple, and like Anne Hathaway, that keeps the dress from looking garish. Kudos:

Nicole Kidman wore classically simple black Balenciaga dress. The main attraction here is obviously the 1,399-carat diamond L’Wren Scott necklace hanging down to her waist. I went back and forth on this one. It kind of looks like she pulled down a chandelier from a late nineteenth century whorehouse and draped it around her neck. But then again, I really like her dress. And diamonds are shiny. You see my dilemna here. I’ll leave it up to you:

Hilary Swank has a knack for red carpet glamor. Her one-shouldered Atelier Versace gown isn’t my favorite of the dresses she’s worn, but it’s not bad either. Makeup, hair and accessories are all simple, which makes the flowers on the bodice not as hideously distracting:

Renee Zellweger gives a whole new meaning to the term “alabaster” in her hand-embroidered Carolina Herrera gown. I have to hand it to her — she looks fantastic. And her face is way less ruddy and scabby than usual. Looks like Chappy really dressed to impress last night!:

Keri Russel’s 46-carat-diamond H. Stern necklace paired perfectly with her strapless Nina Ricci organza bustier dress. I loved her look more than any other of the night. That necklace is fantastic. Not so hot? Standing like you’ve got gout:

Laura Linney wore a black strapless fishtail Michael Kors gown with a diamond and blue topaz pendant. Simple, classic, elegant, blah blah blah:

Kristin Chenoweth worked an hour-glass figure in a sheer black Armani Prive dress. Her hair looks like crap, but I love the diamond cuff and her skin is like buttah. Nice rack, too. Hooray for boobies!:

Tom Cruise’s acceptance speech for the Scientologist IAS Freedom Medal of Valor in 2006 has made its way online, and is of course being yanked as fast as it’s put up, probably because the highlights include him saying:

A Scientologist… has the ability to create new and better realities and improve conditions.

Being a Scientologist, when you drive past an accident… you know you have to do something about it because you know you’re the only one that can really help.

We are the authorities on getting people off drugs, we are the authorities on the mind, we are the authorities on improving conditions.

We can rehabilitate criminals.

I have to tell you something – it is rough and tumble, and it’s wild and woolly, and it’s a blast, it’s a blast.

Coincidentally, more details are being leaked from Andrew Morton’s unauthorized biography that somehow make Tom sound even more fucking insane than he does in the above video clip. Like this little tidbit, via Us Weekly

Before his whirlwind romance with Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise tried wooing Jennifer Garner. In Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography, Morton writes that Cruise left messages on the Alias star’s voice mail in 2004 asking “if she knew what freedom was,” but his advances were rebuffed.

What the hell kind of pickup line is that? That’s goddamn terrifying. He might as well have left a message saying “I once killed a drifter to get an erection” or “I like to see how close I can swing a fireplace poker to your head without bashing your skull in while you’re sleeping.” That kind of talk usually doesn’t get you anything but a trip to police station and a restraining order.