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Jennifer Lopez is almost pathologically incapable of dressing for her age, and usually the results are less than flattering (see here, here, here and here for details), but the white lace panel pleated Elie Saab dress she wore to the Viva Movil launch is both age-appropriate and tasteful. A little churchy, maybe, but at least I can’t make out her belly button or the cleft of her butt crack. Those Tom Ford Padlock ankle wrap patent leather pumps would be great in any other color, but I’m just not feeling the white. I’ve always hated white shoes. I suspect it has something to do with an unfortunate Daisy Duck incident at Disney World when I was eight and all the times I had to be physically restrained by nurses during my “Expressionist Period.”

Make JLo’s tasteful look your own with a little help from the gallery above!

News

Jennifer Lopez W Magazine

She is reportedly worth $250 million and won’t let any of the help make eye contact, but Jennifer Lopez has revealed that she was once “homeless” in an interview with next month’s W magazine. The interview begins:

Lopez [walks in] wearing a loose bright pink jogging suit and sequined platform sneakers. She is a kind of physical wonder.

EDITORS’S NOTE: Haha, buuuuuurrrn! Sequin platform sneakers on a 44-year-old woman. But wait, there’s more:

Lopez says moved out [of her family home] when she was 18 — 26 years ago. She had studied dance at the Ballet Hispanico and at the Kips Bay Boys & Girls Club, and she wanted to pursue it as a career.

“My mom and I butted heads,” [Lopez said]. “I didn’t want to go to college; I wanted to try dance full-time. So she and I had a break. I started sleeping on the sofa in the dance studio. I was homeless. A few months later, I booked In Living Color. I became a Fly Girl and moved to L.A. It all happened in a year.”

Her mother was right. Graduates of the Ballet Hispanico and Kips Bay Boys & Girls Club are lucky to land gigs as back up dancers at a Six Flags’ Reelin’ in the Years show, and only 1 out of 10 of those Six Flags dancers make it to the hallowed realm of “African-American sketch comedy show back-up dancer on a fledgling network.” She’s one of those rare people who believes in her dreams, even when the rest of the world is urinating on them. And by that I mean her dreams. It’s not like she’s Kim Kardashian. High five!

Web wonders:

The married couple quote machine generator includes such favorites as “are you mad at me,” “what’s wrong,” and “are the dishes in the dishwasher clean.” (Mandatory)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is finally home — she’s joining Fox News. (Huffington Post)

Justin Bieber pees in a restaurant cleaning bucket while his shameless hanger-ons friends cheer him on: the video. (Celebitchy)

This is how you know you’ve had enough plastic surgery. (Hollywood Rag)

Lindsay Lohan is like Marilyn Monroe, mostly in the prescription pill and secret abortion department. (popbytes)

Beyonce is massive and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop her, which is sort of respectable in its own way. (Evil Beet)

Janice Dickinson in a bikini will make you just wish you stayed in bed this morning. (Celeb Slam)

The first ads for Madonna’s Material Girl line starring the tasteless Rita Ora are out. (Hollywood PQ)

Watch an astronaut wash her hair in zero gravity! (Jezebel)

Apparently Cloud Atlas was really good. Who knew? (Pajiba)

Both Django and Milo made the top 25 boy names of 2013. This just confirms my suspicion that people are stupid. (The Stir)

Britney Spears’ two sons make a cameo in her new “Ooh La La” video. (Bitten & Bound)

Leann Rimes wants you to know she’s not pregnant, but she can flare her nostrils like a show pony at a fair. (I’m Not Obsessed)

Rice enzymes: which is better, Tatcha or Dermalogica? (Fab Over 40)

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Style

Jennifer Lopez wore a Christian Dior Pre-Fall 2013 dress with a rise-and-fall hemline to the unveiling of her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame today. A lighter, strappier sandal or peep-toe would have worked a lot better than those clunky Brian Atwood ankle-strap pumps she’s wearing, but I love the dress. However, I don’t love it at two o’clock on a Thursday on Hollywood Boulevard. It’s completely inappropriate for the event. She looks ridiculous. Not to mention in desperate need of a hand-held steamer. It would seem couture ball gowns aren’t meant to be worn while lying on a sidewalk.

Check out some fun ways to get in on the citrus trend in the gallery above!

Style

The Metropolitan Museum of Art hosted its annual Costume Institute Gala Benefit last night, and this year’s theme was “PUNK: Chaos to Couture.” Or as I like to call it, “Posers on Parade.” You should have no problem finding their queen. She’s wearing the traditional plumed mohawk headpiece and everything.

Check out the rest of this year’s worst-dressed in the gallery above!

News

Jennifer Lopez Diva Demands

Jennifer Lopez’ diva antics and demands are the stuff of legend, and now it’s finally hitting her where it counts. The Huffington Post says:

The singer and actress was in the running for the opening ceremonies of India’s Premier League cricket tournament, an event [that] comes with a viewing audience of 60 million people.

The massive opportunity, however, seems to have evaporated when organizers received Lopez’ rider. Among the big asks that reportedly came through manager Benny Medina: a private plane and a host of hotel rooms for her cadre of stylists and handlers.

The only thing worse than watching some third world cricket tournament is a watching some third world cricket tournament while listening to Jennifer Lopez. That’s the very definition of adding insult to injury.

Interweb delights:

Real Housewives star Gretchen Rossi has a new bikini photoshoot, but I don’t know why you’d wanna see it. (Celeb Slam)

Amanda Bynes announces that she’s suing Us Weekly AND Perez Hilton for “continuing to act like I’m doing something wrong by tweeting and walking to photoshoots.” Which makes me wonder — does anybody still care about Perez Hilton or Amanda Bynes? (The Blemish)

Jim Carrey says that Fox News is a “media colostomy bag that has begun to burst at the seams and should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue.” I guess he’s a CNN guy. (Huffington Post)

Glee star Cory Monteith checks into rehab again, but who can blame him? He stars on Glee. I’d drink too. (Bitten & Bound)

Lady Gaga now has a Louis Vuitton wheelchair to go with her 24K gold wheelchair. Next she’ll have a Hoveround made of diamonds and a stair lift made from quilted Chanel purses. (Evil Beet)

In honor of April Fool’s Day, some of the most epic April Fool’s Day pranks of all time — including the left-handed Whopper “with condiments rotated 180 degrees.” (Mandatory)

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