Since divorcingMarc Anthony four months ago, Jennifer Lopez has been trying to convince people she’s datingBradley Cooper, but since nobody bought it, now she’s dating one of her backup dancers. You know, because that worked out so well before. The NY Daily News says:
The singer has found love with male dancer Casper Smart, who she’s quietly been dating for several weeks.
The couple has reportedly been hiding their new relationship, but a source [said]… Lopez and Smart “are dating and having a good time.”
Smart, a backup dancer, has appeared in films such as “Honey 2″ and “Step Up 3D” and in an episode of “Glee.”
Now, he currently appears to be on tour dancing with Lopez.
His name is fucking Casper and I hate Jennifer Lopez, so I don’t really even need to say anything here. I could just yawn and make that jerkoff motion with my hand for three solid minutes and it’d be all you needed to know about this stupid-ass story.
Miranda Kerrin a $2.5 million pearl bra at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last week because (see above):
Jennifer Lopez broke down in tears onstage at the Mohegan Sun’s 15th anniversary celebration on Saturday night, but not because her thighs looked enormous in those pants. She cried because it was a song she wrote about her past loves. Did you just throw up a little in your mouth, too? People Magazine says:
“I’m going to sing you the last song I wrote about love,” Lopez, who recently split from husband Marc Anthony, told the audience after singing an acoustic rendition of her hit “If You Had My Love.” “A lot has changed since then.”
Lopez, 42, then launched into “Until It Beats No More” while dancers re-enacted scenes with the singer and some of the men from her past. A Lopez lookalike danced with guys who looked a lot like her exes Diddy, Cris Judd and Ben Affleck.
The final couple to appear in the spotlight danced much like Lopez and her estranged husband during their American Idol performance in May, just weeks before they announced their split.
After she was done, Lopez told the sold-out crowd, “I took a trip down memory lane” – and then started to cry as the crowd applauded.
Let’s just stop right there and revisit that blockquote again. She re-enacted her failed relationships with back-up dancers on a stage. And then she was so moved by her own story that she cried. At least Narcissus had the decency to drown trying to make love to his own reflection.
In what sadly is not the first of many boring non-stories today, Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lopez let it leak that they are officially “casually dating.” Which in turn finds us officially not giving a shit. TMZ says:
The two went on a dinner date in New York City last month. They had not been spotted out again until yesterday — when a photo surfaced of Bradley Cooper driving an SUV and a woman who certainly looked like JLo … covering her face in the passenger seat.
According to our sources, the woman in the photo is definitely JLo. Our sources say “they are definitely dating.”
I have lint in my dryer that’s more interesting than this crap. And I have a an uncle who wears daisy duke cutoffs and waxes his bikini line who’s less gay than Bradley Cooper. They really should have made this a story about me so we didn’t die of sheer boredom.
In case you weren’t entirely convinced that Bradley Cooper is gay, this ought to seal the deal for you. TMZ says:
Jennifer Lopez might be moving on from hubby Marc Anthony in a big way — because last night she went out on a date with Bradley Cooper.
The two hit up Per Se, a restaurant located at Columbus Circle in New York City. We’re told the dinner was “romantic” and was just the two of them.
Bradley Cooper is a sexy, stubble-y 36-year old man who could have any hot piece in Hollywood he wanted, yet he went for the thrice-divorced 42-year old mother-of-two in gigantic Spanx. And before her, it was Renee fucking Zellweger. If it were any clearer this man were gay, he’d be wearing ribbons in his hair and tossing handfuls of glitter as he pirouetted down the street.
Executive producer Nigel Lythgoe confirmed on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show yesterday that Jennifer Lopez would be returning for another season of “American Idol.” EDITOR’S NOTE: I assume the same people who listen to Ryan Seacrest’s radio show are also the same people watching “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” They are a blight on our society and must be eliminated. Or at least neutered. Just like Ryan Seacrest. Anyway, the Daily Mail says:
During a phone call to the show, Lythgoe settled the speculation, confirming: ‘I am delighted to say that all three judges [are] back for the next season.’
It has been reported that the singer has signed on for a bumper pay packet at over $20 million – up from the $12 million she’d previously earned.
Twenty million dollars for “American Idol?” Are you kidding me? Who watches that shit anymore? I couldn’t tell you who won any of the last six seasons, and it’s my fucking job to know. I don’t which that says more about, the crappiness of the show or my own mad job skillz, but one thing’s clear: you can totally see Olivia Wilde’s sideboob in that dress. The end.
Side-boobin’ on the red carpet at the “Cowboys & Aliens” UK premiere:
Apparently things aren’t so great around the old crypt without the wifey to keep his corpse warm, because Marc Anthony reportedly wants JLo back. Celebrity FIX says,
Guess that makes it clear who dumped who, then.
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony announced their split last month, but according to reports, Marc is “devastated” and he’s “begging” JLo to take him back.
“His mood shifts from blaming her to begging her to take him back to telling her she is destroying his life,” a source told Us Weekly.
“He’s being difficult on every little point… He wants to prolong things so she reconsiders.”
But JLo isn’t looking back. Apparently she’s already enjoying the single life and has no plans to reconcile with her ex. “She is very happy,” says another source. “She is surrounded by love.”
Hell no she’s not looking back. That’s like a cardinal rule when dealing with creatures of the night. You look back, they always get you. That’s what my Netflix horror movies queue taught me, anyway.
Jennifer performing at a wedding in the Ukraine(?) late last month:
For the first time since their split last month, Jennifer Lopez opens up about her seven-year marriage to Marc Anthony in the September issue of Vanity Fair. People Magazine says:
Lopez, 42, tells Vanity Fair: “Sometimes we don’t realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way – if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me.”
She adds, “I love myself enough to walk away from that now.”
Lopez says both she and Anthony worked at making their marriage work. “Sometimes it doesn’t work – and that’s sad. But I remain an eternal optimist about love. I believe in love.”
“I love myself enough to walk away from that now.” What a load of horse shit. It never ceases to amaze me how self-centered and narcissistic celebrities can be. Loving one’s self is something nobody has difficulty doing. In fact, I love myself too much to talk about this stupid twat anymore. I think you’ll agree, it’s the greatest love of all.
One more pic from Vanity Fair + her as a human kaleidoscope:
Everyone’s been pointing the finger at Marc Anthony as the impetus behind his and Jennifer Lopez’ split, saying he’s too controlling and banned her from doing nude scenes — but it seems that Jennifer Lopez may have been having an affair with the cheesedick that starred in her “I’m Into You” video (below) behind his back. The Daily Mail says:
William Levy, dubbed “The Brad Pitt of Cuba,” flatly denied that he and Lopez had a relationship while filming her music video for “I’m Into You” in April. [Interestingly, though], Levy separated from his wife of eight years a month after the video shoot.
Levy [said]: ‘The only relationship there was or is is a professional relationship. That’s all there’s ever been. She is a very sincere and fun person.’
Jennifer Lopez might have to temporarily put her new love on hold, however, because he’s currently being sued for sexual battery of a minor. That has a way of eating up a lot of your free time. Radar Online says:
[The plaintiff claims in documents filed earlier this week]: “Through deception and trickery Levy lured Plaintiff back to the Hilton Hotel [and] forced Plaintiff to perform oral sex on him, strangling her in the process. He ejaculated in her mouth, on her person, through which he transmitted a sexual disease to plaintiff.”
Levy states the plaintiff “gave consent to any and all alleged acts” and that the alleged victim “willfully, fraudulently, and maliciously deceived [Levy] into believing that she was a 19-year-old consenting adult.” Levy also claims the minor tried to exhort $950,000 from him in exchange for her silence.
The unnamed minor asked for $2.5 million in damages and Levy countersued for defamation and extortion.
Getting an STD from “The Brad Pitt of Cuba” is like getting the shits from Mexican wine. It sorta just comes with the territory.
There have long been rumors that Marc Anthony was a huge asshole intent on controlling Jennifer Lopez’ every move (see her Spanish-language album for details), but insiders now suggest that their divorce was sparked by her refusal to kowtow to his “don’t show your titties in movies anymore” demands. The Daily Mail says:
It was claimed earlier this week that mother-of-two Lopez will be baring almost all in the comedy film “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” She is also set to get racy alongside Jason Statham in crime thrilled Parker.
While it remains to be seen whether the roles had something to do with the split, Lopez has [not done any nudity] since she has been with Anthony.
Lopez famously went topless moments in the 1997 movie U Turn, Money Train in 1995 and Out Of Sight in 1998, but has [abandoned] racy roles since she married Anthony in 2004.
I don’t think she “abandoned” the roles as much as she just wasn’t offered those roles anymore, and I think the realization that nobody wanted to see her tits had her terrified that she had lost the sexuality that has thus far propped up her truly talentless career, which in turn led her to actively seek out nudity-requiring roles, which consequently pissed off her husband. Or maybe he just didn’t like the way she cooked eggs. What am I, psychic?
Hey look! Jennifer Lopez’ boobs 16 years ago in Money Train:
After seven years of marriage, Jennifer Lopez and her C.H.U.D. of a husband Marc Anthony are getting divorced. People Magazine says:
“We have decided to end our marriage,” they [say] in a joint statement. “This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters.”
“It is a painful time for all involved,” the statement continues, “and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”
Maybe it wasn’t so much a divorce as it was JLo finally presenting him with clothes. That’s the only a way a house elf like Marc can be freed.
Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge — known to the rest of us as Kate Middleton — wrapped up their tour of the U.S. with an appearance at the BAFTA “Brits to Watch” gala in L.A. Saturday night. While I personally could give a tinker’s toot* about the royal couple or her Alexander McQueen dress, I felt Jennifer Lopez‘ ensemble was worth mentioning. Seriously, what the hell? Her first time ever meeting a real-life prince and princess, and she dressed up like an out-of-work Balinese Cirque du Soleil performer. The only time you should ever see exposed midriff on the red carpet is at the AVN awards. Fashion FAIL.
*British for “rat’s ass”
Will and Kate, Jennifer Lopez and Nicole Kidman here; Blake Lively and Jennifer Garner after the jump:
Jennifer Lopez suffered a serious wardrobe malfunction last night when her salad plate-sized nipple poked its way out of her dress while filming an episode of “Wetten dass..?” in Palma de Mallorca, Spain. For a German talk show, there sure were a surprising lack of turtlenecks and Capuchin monkeys on leashes. I was expecting something more dry and devoid of any notion of humor. You know, sorta like my last couple of posts.
