For the first time since their split last month, Jennifer Lopez opens up about her seven-year marriage to Marc Anthony in the September issue of Vanity Fair. People Magazine says:

Lopez, 42, tells Vanity Fair: “Sometimes we don’t realize that we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way – if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me.”

She adds, “I love myself enough to walk away from that now.”

Lopez says both she and Anthony worked at making their marriage work. “Sometimes it doesn’t work – and that’s sad. But I remain an eternal optimist about love. I believe in love.”

“I love myself enough to walk away from that now.” What a load of horse shit. It never ceases to amaze me how self-centered and narcissistic celebrities can be. Loving one’s self is something nobody has difficulty doing. In fact, I love myself too much to talk about this stupid twat anymore. I think you’ll agree, it’s the greatest love of all.

One more pic from Vanity Fair + her as a human kaleidoscope:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Vanity Fair

Everyone’s been pointing the finger at Marc Anthony as the impetus behind his and Jennifer Lopez’ split, saying he’s too controlling and banned her from doing nude scenes — but it seems that Jennifer Lopez may have been having an affair with the cheesedick that starred in her “I’m Into You” video (below) behind his back. The Daily Mail says:

William Levy, dubbed “The Brad Pitt of Cuba,” flatly denied that he and Lopez had a relationship while filming her music video for “I’m Into You” in April. [Interestingly, though], Levy separated from his wife of eight years a month after the video shoot.

Levy [said]: ‘The only relationship there was or is is a professional relationship. That’s all there’s ever been. She is a very sincere and fun person.’

Jennifer Lopez might have to temporarily put her new love on hold, however, because he’s currently being sued for sexual battery of a minor. That has a way of eating up a lot of your free time. Radar Online says:

[The plaintiff claims in documents filed earlier this week]: “Through deception and trickery Levy lured Plaintiff back to the Hilton Hotel [and] forced Plaintiff to perform oral sex on him, strangling her in the process. He ejaculated in her mouth, on her person, through which he transmitted a sexual disease to plaintiff.”

Levy states the plaintiff “gave consent to any and all alleged acts” and that the alleged victim “willfully, fraudulently, and maliciously deceived [Levy] into believing that she was a 19-year-old consenting adult.” Levy also claims the minor tried to exhort $950,000 from him in exchange for her silence.

The unnamed minor asked for $2.5 million in damages and Levy countersued for defamation and extortion.

Getting an STD from “The Brad Pitt of Cuba” is like getting the shits from Mexican wine. It sorta just comes with the territory.

There have long been rumors that Marc Anthony was a huge asshole intent on controlling Jennifer Lopez’ every move (see her Spanish-language album for details), but insiders now suggest that their divorce was sparked by her refusal to kowtow to his “don’t show your titties in movies anymore” demands. The Daily Mail says:

It was claimed earlier this week that mother-of-two Lopez will be baring almost all in the comedy film “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” She is also set to get racy alongside Jason Statham in crime thrilled Parker.

While it remains to be seen whether the roles had something to do with the split, Lopez has [not done any nudity] since she has been with Anthony.

Lopez famously went topless moments in the 1997 movie U Turn, Money Train in 1995 and Out Of Sight in 1998, but has [abandoned] racy roles since she married Anthony in 2004.

I don’t think she “abandoned” the roles as much as she just wasn’t offered those roles anymore, and I think the realization that nobody wanted to see her tits had her terrified that she had lost the sexuality that has thus far propped up her truly talentless career, which in turn led her to actively seek out nudity-requiring roles, which consequently pissed off her husband. Or maybe he just didn’t like the way she cooked eggs. What am I, psychic?

Hey look! Jennifer Lopez’ boobs 16 years ago in Money Train:

After seven years of marriage, Jennifer Lopez and her C.H.U.D. of a husband Marc Anthony are getting divorced. People Magazine says:

“We have decided to end our marriage,” they [say] in a joint statement. “This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters.”

“It is a painful time for all involved,” the statement continues, “and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time.”

Maybe it wasn’t so much a divorce as it was JLo finally presenting him with clothes. That’s the only a way a house elf like Marc can be freed.

Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge — known to the rest of us as Kate Middleton — wrapped up their tour of the U.S. with an appearance at the BAFTA “Brits to Watch” gala in L.A. Saturday night. While I personally could give a tinker’s toot* about the royal couple or her Alexander McQueen dress, I felt Jennifer Lopez‘ ensemble was worth mentioning. Seriously, what the hell? Her first time ever meeting a real-life prince and princess, and she dressed up like an out-of-work Balinese Cirque du Soleil performer. The only time you should ever see exposed midriff on the red carpet is at the AVN awards. Fashion FAIL.

^{*British for “rat’s ass”}

Will and Kate, Jennifer Lopez and Nicole Kidman here; Blake Lively and Jennifer Garner after the jump:

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PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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Jennifer Lopez suffered a serious wardrobe malfunction last night when her salad plate-sized nipple poked its way out of her dress while filming an episode of “Wetten dass..?” in Palma de Mallorca, Spain. For a German talk show, there sure were a surprising lack of turtlenecks and Capuchin monkeys on leashes. I was expecting something more dry and devoid of any notion of humor. You know, sorta like my last couple of posts.

Video after the jump;

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The faggy kid was the big winner of American Idol’s tenth season, beating out the chubby girl in a star-studded crapfest that I didn’t bother watching last night because I was too busy huffing glue. The Daily Mail says:

With an astonishing 122million votes cast by viewers, there was no doubt that Scotty McCreery was the popular choice, with Lauren Alaina coming in second place.

‘I never in my wildest dreams,’ said an emotional Scotty, whose strikingly deep, old-soul voice defies his youth.

The religious 17-year-old then added: I’ve got to thank the Lord first… he got me here.’

The star-studded show featured performances from Lady Gaga, Bono, The Edge, Jennifer Lopez, Beyonce, Judas Priest, Kirk Franklin, Jack Black, Tony Bennett, Carrie Underwood and Tom Jones.

Bono? Really, Bono was on American Idol promoting some Spiderman shit? And I thought I he couldn’t sink any lower than hawking Louis Vuitton man-purses for Marc Jacobs. That just goes to show you should never bank on artist integrity when there’s a dollar at stake. I think selling out just reached its zenith.

Lady Gaga and Jennifer Lopez performing (video of both, plus Beyonce & the female finalists after the jump):

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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Here’s Jennifer Lopez on the set of her new music video in Mexico, with hot non-Skeletor William Levy, the “Brad Pitt of Mexico”. There’s a reason that she’s clinging to his chest, and it’s not just to be convincing for the camera. You would too if all you had at home was a cold, concave-chested, sallow-skinned member of the undead lying in your bed.

Jennifer Lopez announced on Ellen DeGeneres yesterday that the reason Ricky Gervais didn’t rip her a new asshole at the Golden Globes was because she threatened to beat him up if he made mean jokes about her. Only she said it like, “Hainifair Lopez will eh-stab you with her piece because she ees a Latina from de Bronx. Holla!” The Daily Mail quotes her as saying:

‘I was sitting in the audience and was thinking “Oh my God, what’s he gonna say about me?

‘I went back stage and I got him. Right before I was about to go out. I can’t say everything I said – because you’d have to bleep it out and nobody needs to know that I talk like that – but I said “Listen, I’m from the Bronx, I fight, my husband fights and I’ll beat you up after the show!”

‘I said “I mean it!”‘ I scared him. He was scary though.’

Bitch, please. If Ricky Gervais was scared of anything, it’s that your husband would give him the bubonic plague. Rodents are one of the main transmitters of communicable disease, you know.

At the Golden Globes:

PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures

Jennifer Lopez has taken ex-husband Ojani Noa and his agent back to court this week in an attempt to stop the release of newly discovered home videos of the singer “exposing her genitals in public” while on vacation in Cuba. Think (NSFW) Britney Spears, but with an eh-Spanish accent. Radar Online says:

“JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in plain view,” said Ed Meyer, a rep for Lopez’s ex-hubby.

The tape does not contain full-on sex, but is said to grant a revealing glimpse of the singer’s… vagina.

[He adds], “We [have uncovered four new] hours of home videos [since the first injunction]. In the videos, Lopez gives her full consent to Noa taping her.”

Come on now. It’s not like she was flashing the beav all over the continental U.S. She was airing out the goods in Cuba. Nothing within a 200 mile radius of Hispaniola technically even qualifies as “in public.” They still wear loincloths and worship goats and shit down there. I’m sure the locals were too busy screeching and scurrying away from the mystical soul-stealing light box to even notice her cooter was hanging out.

Being announced as a National Spokesperson for Boys & Girls Club of America in L.A. last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

The new judges for the tenth season of “American Idol” were announced today, and you’ll never guess who they are. The Daily Mail says:

FOX Network, who hosts the show, announced that singer Jennifer Lopez and Aerosmith rocker Steven Tyler will join Randy Jackson for season ten of the hit talent contest.

Ryan Seacrest announced the panel at the seventh and final audition process held at the Forum arena in Los Angeles.

Well, it’s a logical choice, considering how much Steven and JLo have in common. For example, he’s a singer, and she plays a singer on TV. Also, they both obviously own a triple barrel curling iron. Bam! Instant repartee right there.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

“American Idol” just put the final nail in its Nielsen coffin: they wrote Jennifer Lopez a check for the equivalent of the Gross Domestic Product of Burundi to replace former judges Ellen DeGeneres and Kara Dioguardi. Us Magazine says:

Jennifer Lopez is getting $12 million to serve as an American Idol judge next season.

On Monday, a source told Us that Lopez’s deal was set.

After a long negotiation process, “it ended up working out and they have a good agreement,” the source said.

She joins longtime Idol judge Randy Jackson and newcomer, Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler.

Only she’ll actually be paid in real American dollars, not dried chicken feet and HIV-positive orphans. When referencing the GDP of Burundi, I find it’s important to make that distinction.

At Fashion Week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online