It seems that Jennifer Love Hewitt took on the role of a stripper on her show “Ghost Whisperer” late last month, but given that nobody actually watches that piece of shit, it’s only now becoming news. Even though she’s supposed to be a stripper, she never actually strips, and her lingerie is so gigantic and flesh-concealing that could easily pass for a 1940’s bathing suit. She might as well be in a goddamn turtleneck and hip waders. Two words: EPIC FAIL. Also: BACK FAT.

Disappointing screen caps (8 more after the jump):

(more…)

Jennifer Love Hewitt has jumped on the pole dancing class bandwagon, seen here leaving the Sheila Kelley S Factor class in Encino, CA.  It really seems to be the new trend, doesn’t it? But I was doing it way back in elementary school when I discovered they had installed one in the new playground. I never could figure out what the big fuss was.  If my little boy classmates wanted to spend their lunch money on me, that was their problem, not mine.  School principals are so narrow-minded. They called it “indecent and a disgrace to our fine institution”, I called it crushing my entrepreneurial spirit. Bastards!

Good thing Jennifer Love Hewitt went with the stacked wedge heels while playing tennis yesterday. Sneakers would have just made her look fat.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

I had completely forgotten that Jennifer Love Hewitt ever tried her hand at pop stardom in the first place, but her boyfriend Jamie Kennedy claims she now has a country song in the works. Jennifer hasn’t released any new material since 2002’s ‘BareNaked’ album, for those of you keeping track. NME says

Hewitt’s boyfriend Jamie Kennedy [said, "Jennifer is] writing a country song. I really want to make her a new demo for her music. She’s so good.”

The only thing “country” at which Jennifer Love Hewitt has any chance of succeeding is downing an entire country ham without using any hands. Maybe she should look into that instead. It sure worked wonders for Jessica Simpson.

On the set of Ghost Whisperer:

I’m not exactly sure where the editors of Maxim went wrong with this year’s Hot 100 List, but I think a safe bet is sometime around the year 1996, or “the last time the words ‘Jennifer Love Hewitt’ and ‘hot’ were used in a sentence without referencing fudge sundaes” as it’s known to the rest of the modern world.

Your “Top 100″ — 1. Olivia Wilde; 2. Megan Fox; 3. Bar Rafaeli; i4. Malin Akerman; 5. Mila Kunis;6. Eliza Dusku; 7. Adriana Lima; 8. Rihanna; 9. Jordana Brewster; 10. Jennifer Love Hewitt:

The equally disappointing 31-100 listed after the jump

(more…)

You have GOT to be kidding me.  What kind of goddamn outfit is this?  I thought that thing Shenae Grimes had on was bad, but it in no way prepared me for this.  Jennifer Love Hewitt had lunch yesterday at Casa Vega in Studio City and then went shopping in Sherman Oaks, and she wore this… this… Jesus cheerleading Christ, I don’t even know what the hell to call this thing.  It’s like the bastard love child of a Snuggie and a poncho, as imagined by George Lucas after a wet dream about Padmé Amidala.

Jennifer Love Hewitt arriving at, then leaving Casa Vega:

Shopping in Sherman Oaks:

Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt was granted a permanent restraining order yesterday against a 62-year-old man accused of stalking her over the last year. Star Magazine says

Papers filed Monday in Los Angeles Superior Court show Love asked for protection against David Nolte, a Studio City, Calif. man whom she alleges has sent her “over 120 threatening and disturbing letters” in addition to following her.

Unfortunately, the court’s offer to provide for additional restraining orders against stalkers “Ronald McDonald,” “Captain D” and “Colonel Sanders” were vehemently rejected by Love-Hewitt’s camp.

Doing what she does best — eating and not walking:

Bring out your hankies, Jennifer Love Hewitt and fiancé Ross McCall have called it quits! People reports,

“They broke up over the holidays and have ended their engagement,” says a source close to the couple. “They’re both really sad about this. Even their friends are surprised; they seemed really happy. Everyone just wants the best for both of them.”

Reps for both Hewitt and McCall had no immediate comment.

The Ghost Whisperer star, 29, got engaged to the Scottish actor, 32, in November 2007 after dating for two years.

While the couple hadn’t announced a date, in October Hewitt told PEOPLE her svelte new look was prompted not by those infamous 2007 bikini pictures – and the ensuing controversy over body image after she took to her blog to defend herself – but by her upcoming nuptials.

“I’m getting ready to turn 30 and get married and all those things,” Hewitt said. “This year was my year to try to glow from within and feel better.”

Well, I suppose if The Ghost Whisperer gets canceled she might be able to put her wedding dress to good use and get a job as Little Leota in the Haunted Mansion. She’s got the look down, alright. Hurry baaaack, hurry baaaack….

The Emmy Awards happened last night.  It was their 60th anniversary, so they decided to celebrate with the most boring show in the history of the universe, hosted by the shanty town of tool sheds pictured above.  Okay, so Heidi Klum isn’t a complete tool shed, at least comparatively.  She is, however, dressed like a lunatic.  There’s some sort of inexplicable grandma shawl, and her earrings look like they’re attacking her face.  I guess it’s fine though, since she only wore this getup for about fifteen minutes.  I stopped keeping track of her wardrobe changes after the third or fourth time I fell asleep.  I’ve seen class plays at elementary schools that were more entertaining than the Emmys.

Because I am a giver and I suffer for you, I watched the entire sideshow of somnolence and I can tell you that there were exactly three funny moments.  Jesus, the show was boring.  Josh Groban did this… I don’t even know, it was some kind of singing thing that felt like what would happen during a telethon in hell, and it lasted for about eleven and a half hours.  I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.  Oh look, Christina Hendricks is here to help!

(more…)

You know those eighteen pounds Jennifer Love Hewitt supposedly lost last month? Well, it looks like she found them again. You know how that old saying goes — if you love something, set it free. If it comes back to your hips and thighs, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it’s probably because you never really lost it in the first place. Fatty.

Waddling through Toluca Lake August 23rd:

Size two actress Jennifer Love Hewitt is reportedly not fat, just pregnant. Joke’s on you, blogosphere! Ha! According to Female First

The ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’ actress is said to be expecting her first baby with fiancé Ross McCall in June. A source said: “Jennifer was shocked, but at the same time she was ecstatic with the news. It wasn’t planned, but now that it’s happened Jennifer and Ross are both very happy.” Jennifer, 28, allegedly discovered she was pregnant the week before Thanksgiving in November.

Yet another Christmas miracle! And from the looks of it, I’d say she’s probably pregnant with twins. Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles and onions on a sesame seed bun, that is. Ronald McDonald must be so proud!

The affianced Christmas shopping on Saturday:

All that waddling around in Pacific ocean can really make a girl hungry! As, apparently, can “sitting down.” Also the color blue. The phases of the moon. The number seven. Driftwood. Vernacular architecture. Pretty much anything, really. All Jennifer Love Hewitt’s missing are the googly eyes and a good “Me love da letter of de day! Mrrmhmu mumm mmhrmm rmm rrrgh!” before the plate is made to suffer the same unfortunate fate as the letter Q.