This is supposedly a picture of “Jersey Shore’s” Snooki without makeup, meaning underneath all that slap, Nicole Polizzi is actually a Pacific Islander. You can tell by the shape of the eyes and the mustache.
Getting her herr did earlier this month:
The only thing good I can say about these pictures of “Jersey Shore’s” Jenni “JWoww” Farley in a bikini is at least they’re not pictures of Deena in a bikini. Trust me, you really dodged a bullet there.
If you’re feeling brave, see Deena in all her 5’2″ 180 lb glory in a bikini after the jump:
Most labels are tripping over themselves to get celebrity endorsements, but Abercrombie & Fitch is actually paying “Jersey’s Shore” Micheal “The Situation” Sorrentino not to wear their clothing anymore because he’s bad for the brand’s “image.” The company released a statement yesterday saying (via the Daily Mail):
Referring to the proposal as ‘A Win-Win Situation,’ they expressed ‘deep concern’ that the cast of the MTV reality show are parading around in their goods and blackening their reputation.
It stated: ‘We understand that the show is for entertainment purposes, but believe this association is contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand, and may be distressing to many of our fans.’
Sorrentino, 29, has now been offered a ‘substantial payment’ to ‘wear an alternate brand’.
And just what is Abercrombie & Fitch’s image, you ask? Well, most of their marketing campaign is comprised of provocative black and white photos of preteens in their underpants, so I’ll say “child exploitation.” But Abercrombie was also busted contracting out sweatshops in Saipan, so I guess it’s really child exploitation and child labor. You can see how The Situation wearing their track suits could really ruin their good name.
Lily Aldrige in Victoria’s Secret lingerie because she’s not 11 or a guido:
It was only a matter of time before one of the skanks on Jersey Shore botched a do-it-yourself abortion, and today’s lucky winner is perpetual castoff Angelina Pivarnick. TMZ says:
Angelina confirmed the pregnancy… but wouldn’t comment further.
Sources close to the reality star tell us the baby daddy is Angelina’s fiance Dave Kovacs. The couple has been engaged since February.
No word on when the baby is due.
Well, I have a hunch when the baby is due. Nostradamus said the Antichrist would be born from one of the three water signs — Pisces, Cancer, and Scorpio — so little Beezlebub Pivarnick is probably due in late October. I figure wombs don’t get much uncleaner than that one.
The cast of Jersey Shore is going home to the motherland–only they’re not getting the welcome they would have hoped for. I can’t imagine why. Digital Spy says,
The cast of Jersey Shore have been instructed to comply with a series of guidelines while filming in Florence, Italy.
The city’s mayor, Matteo Renzi, has drafted several restrictions that he has ordered the show’s stars and producers to follow in order to ensure that Florence is portrayed positively.
In a list posted in Italian newspaper Corriere Della Sera, Renzi noted that Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi and her friends are not to be filmed being served alcohol in clubs or drinking alcohol in public places so as not to promote Florence as supportive of excessive alcohol intake.
While conceding that he cannot ban the reality show from filming in his city outright, the politician, who was elected in 2009, indicated he will prevent the stars from being granted access to several of Florence’s historic facilities.
Sammi ‘Sweetheart’ Giancola recently expressed doubts as to whether Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino would be able to attract Italian women, asserting that native Italians are “more reserved and more classy” than the women Sorrentino is used to.
Considering that Florence is known to be one of the best party cities in Europe, one more greasy Italian pissing on some ancient landmark isn’t going to be anything new. That’s what you call “patina”. Sounds to me like Mr. Mayor is just trying to earn some cannoli points.
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi at a press conference for Wrestlemania last month:
I really thought JWoww would be the first of the Jersey Shore crew to “leak” nude photos of herself on the interwebs, but it looks like Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola beat her to the punch. I can’t vouch for the authenticity of the pic, but far be it from me to let a photo of a D-list celebrity puss fall by the wayside just because I can’t confirm it’s real. Call it my commitment to excellence or my unwavering journalistic integrity. It just sounds so much better than “a cheap way to get page views.”
In L.A. and leaving the Wendy Williams show:
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
I can’t imagine why JWoww is smiling at her vagina like that. I dunno… maybe it told a funny joke. One like, “Why do Italian men have mustaches? So they can look like their mothers!” or “Why do Italian men cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.” Or maybe she’s just smiling at it because she just finished picking all the nits out of her bush and her cooter finally doesn’t itch anymore. Crabs can really salt a girl’s game.
PHOTO CREDIT: Fame Pictures
The sewer rats have some competition for “Most Lothed Occupant” as Snooki invades New York City with her smarmy new boyfriend. I think the rats should stage an uprising to win back their long-held title and take bites out of her until she’s skinny. I’d suggest they also take multiple craps in her hair. While they’re at it and all.
Scurrying along the sidewalks:
Photo Source: Fame Pictures
Resident Jersey Shore douche Mike Sorrentino has a “situation” going on alright, but it’s not his rock-hard abs — it’s his itty-bitty teeny tiny wiener. EDITOR’S NOTE: ha ha ha ha ha! Star Magazine says:
One of his conquests dishes about her not-so-hot night with [the] Jersey Shore star — complete with details about his tiny manbits.
“I wouldn’t even call it a one-night stand, because he only lasted a few minutes,” club promoter Melody Eckerson told Star.
[And as for his penis size?] “Let’s just say, I’m thinking of my pinky.”
This isn’t really news to me, because I already assumed he had a tiny tinkus. Any guy that works out that obsessively is compensating for something, and nine times out of ten it’s the wiener. The other one time is because he’s gay. I’m still on the fence about Pauly D.
With only five days to practice after shooting for the third season of Jersey Shore wrapped, The Situation tied for last place on the Dancing With the Stars premiere last night. According to Us Magazine:
The Situation said [before the show], “I am most worried about not being prepared for my first dance.”
And he wasn’t.
Of his cha cha, judge Len Goodman said, “It lacked polish. You’ve got the guns, but not the ammunition. Better luck next week.” Bruno Tonioli told him, “You’re gonna look like a jackass if you carry on like that… you have to take this seriously.”
He and partner Karina Smirnoff walked away with 15 out of 30, tying Margaret Cho and David Hasselhoff for the lowest score of the night.
I don’t think telling The Situation that he’s gonna “look like a jackass” if he keeps it up is gonna light any kind of fire underneath him. He’s already made millions by looking like a jackass on Jersey Shore, and said jackassery is what landed him on DWTS in the first place. That’s like trying to threaten Britney Spears with a pound of bacon and one of those nut-covered cheese logs.
The Situation, Audrina Patridge, and Sarah Palin (Hasselhoff after the jump):
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online
Because her fifteen minutes is rapidly tick-tocking away, Jersey Shore’s Jenni “JWoww” Farley revealed she is posing for the December issue of Playboy. E! Online says:
Just how close is the Jersey Shore star to closing the deal to strip down for the mag—and just how undressed will she get?
“Final offer is standing,” JWoww [said]. “Hopefully, it will go through.”
In other words, it’s happening, people! JWoww smiled again, “I’d like to say so.”
Still on the table is how much she’ll actually show. “I don’t know yet,” she said. “It hasn’t been talked about yet.”
Really, Playboy? I dunno… she looks more like Reader’s Digest material to me. I just don’t see it.
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
You might want to take off your belt and your shoelaces before you read this — Jersey Shore asswipe Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino is set to make more then $5 million dollars this year… and there are reports that that amount could even double in 2011. The Daily Mail says:
The star is also earning nearly $60,000 per episode after bonus incentives, while earning up to $50,000 for celebrity appearance fees.
There is talk of an autobiography called ‘Here’s the Situation’ which has earned Sorrentino a six-figure book advance.
Alongside the usual celebrity supply of endorsements (Vitamin Water, Reebok), there is a ‘GTL’ app and a rap song on iTunes.
As if all that weren’t enough, the star might appear on the big screen as he is in talk with various Hollywood production companies.
Not to mention The Situation Brand vodka coming to a liquor store near you. Hope you like the taste of nipple sweat and L.A. Looks. According to TMZ:
The “Jersey Shore” money machine scored a $400,000 signing bonus to be the spokesman for a vodka company called Devotion.
But this ain’t no ordinary booze — Devotion contains a clear protein called Casein, which can support an increase in lean body mass and a decrease in body fat if the user is also on some sort of weight training program.
We’re told The Sitch’s brother, Marc Sorrentino, brokered the deal through the company they run together, MPS Entertainment.
It has muscle-building protein in it. Of course it does. But I think it’s biggest selling point will be that you can also use it as aftershave/genital disinfectant/tire shine. For the man who likes to look buff, smell great, keep his rims clean and chemically peel the stank of guido whore off his wiener. Available in half-pint, 750 ml and 1.75L bottles. Vaporizer attachment sold separately.
UPDATE: And now he’s joining the cast of next season’s “Dancing with the Stars.” Because there’s no such thing as overexposure.
At the New Now Next awards earlier this year:
PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online
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