Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were arrested this past weekend in Louisiana after a wrap party for Oliver Stone’s movie “W” turned into a bar fight. But the fun didn’t stop there — oh, no. The actors were also pepper sprayed and tased by a bunch of racist cops. TMZ reports

Wright, who plays Colin Powell, was repeatedly tasered and pepper sprayed as he lay prone on his stomach in the street. We know witnesses heard the officers using extremely foul language, including the “N” word, directed at Wright.

Brolin was observed by witnesses attempting to make peace and standing still as he was repeatedly sprayed in the eyes by cops.

Geez, I hope the South doesn’t get a bad rap for this. It’s not like the whole South is that way, you know. We have lots of other proud traditions. Traditions like “protecting our white women from coloreds” and “drinking shirtless at Craftsman Series Truck racing events.” It’d sure be a shame for an entire culture to be judged on the actions of two ignorant police officers.

One white woman who doesn’t need any help being protected from the coloreds at the ESPY’s last night:

Justin Timberlake has taken the next relationship step in making an honest man woman out of Jessica Biel — he’s asked her to move in with him. According to In Touch Weekly

“Jessica is preparing to live in Justin’s Hollywood Hills home,” [says] an insider. It’s a big deal for Justin, 27, who has never taken this relationship step before, but the insider insists that “they’re definitely headed for marriage. Moving in is just the beginning.”

If you’re wondering the difference between a girlfriend and a wife is, it’s very simple. When she’s your girlfriend, she looks like Jessica Biel above. When she’s your wife, she starts to look like Jessica Biel below. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, boys!

Watching a Marlins game last month:

I don’t usually go around telling people about this, because it freaks them out and makes them worried I can read their thoughts and stuff, but, here goes… I’m psychotic. Yes. I can see the future and also read minds a little. Kinda like that old guy with the beard who predicted a lot of the stuff you see in the Enquirer. Notre Dame or something. Anyway, just to prove it to you, indulge me this — first, cover your eyes with your hands. Clear you mind of all distractions. Center yourself. Good. Now open your eyes and stare directly into Jessica Biel’s face and say the first thing that comes to your mind. You said either:

1. Tennessee cave salamander

2. Burn victim or

3. This thing whose name I can’t remember.

I’m getting a little interference there… something about “boobs.” Goddammit, I told you to clear your minds. How am I gonna get it right when you’re thinking “boobs” and “two lines means ‘not pregnant,’ right?” all the time? I guess I can’t expect those without the gift to fully appreciate my powers. Philistines.

More sightless amphibian-ness after the jump

(more…)