Ever wondered what “Sleeping Beauty’s” Maleficent would have looked like without the green skin and the horns and dressed like a topless dancer on her way to a parent-teacher conference? Yeah, me neither.
Jessica Lowndes in next month’s More Magazine:
Until I saw these pictures, I was pretty sure that Jessica Lowndes was that one old chick in “Blue Sky.” Turns out that was actually Jessica Lange. In my defense, Jessica Lowndes never had her boobs out before. I can’t be bothered to learn your name unless you’re willing to meet me halfway, ladies.
At Gallery Nightclub in Vegas Saturday:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Jersey Shore’s Snooki was taken into police custody in Florence yesterday after she plowed into the back of a police car while filming the third season of the show in Italy. TMZ says:
Snooki was driving when she struck the cop car, but sources connected with the production [say] “Zero alcohol was involved” [and] no one was injured.
Snooki smacked into the back of the patrol car, wedging her ride between the car and a highway protection wall. Deena was in the passenger seat at the time of the crash — and when she tried to exit the car, she had to go through the window because the door was blocked by the wall.
Although Snooki is in custody … it is not a formal arrest.
Hey, you know who’s NOT fat, disgusting, and waddling around Italy in a neck brace? Jessica Lowndes. And as it happens, she’s in this month’s FHM UK. You’re welcome.
I can’t tell you jack shit about Jessica Lowndes other than she’s an actress or maybe a singer, but I can tell you that her boobs are totally fake. Fake, fake, fake. Believe me, I can spot a breast implant a mile away. I’m like a goddamn hawk. And not just because I have lice and fingernails that look like talons. That’s just an unfortunate coincidence.
At the FHM Women of the Year Awards:
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
This must be some kind of PSA about not wearing high heels on open stairs. Good on Jessica Lowndes for doing her part to keep shameless whores accident-free in 2010!
Mujaheddin soldiers could be torturing my Gram-Gram with needle-nosed pliers and a acetylene torches and I still couldn’t force myself to watch the new 90210 from start to finish. The fact that AnnaLynne McCord might be in a bikini isn’t carrot enough. I might find a gold tooth in my Gram-Gram’s shit, too, but I’m not about to root around in her diapers. At least not while she’s still wearing them. I have standards, you know!
With Jessica Stroup and Jessica Lowndes on the beach in L.A. (more pics after the jump):
PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures
Rumer Willis will be playing Jessica Lowndes’ lesbian girlfriend on an upcoming episode of 9021Nobody Gives a Shit Anymore. Seriously, is that the best they could do? Rumer fucking Willis and her big fat potato head? I don’t think that would make Jessica a lesbian as much as it would make her a Lachanophiliac, or “lover of vegetables” to the layperson. And by the way, you would not BELIEVE the evils that come up when you type “vegetable fetish” into a search engine. Dear God. I’m not going to link any of it, but just think of an alternate meaning for the word “vegetable” that has nothing to do with a plant. Yes. Now you’re getting it. I’m pretty sure we’re both going to hell now.
PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News
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