Twice arrested and currently incarcerated “American Idol” loser Jessica Sierra is pregnant. Another Christmas miracle, perhaps? TMZ says

“American Idol” trainwreck finalist Jessica Sierra done got herself knocked up — and she’s still in the slammer! Sources [say] that the father is a “rapper” and Jessica is ecstatic over the news. She’s currently in the infirmary in the Falkenburg Road Jail in Florida on a “pregnancy diet.”

Sierra is currently facing two misdemeanor charges of disorderly intoxication and obstructing or opposing an officer and two felony counts of possession of cocaine and battery.

This must mean that Jessica has been made an honorary Spears! Nice. Maybe we should take a page from China’s book and start practicing population control. Like dusting Cheetos with arsenic and making lotto tickets out of rattlesnakes. But the real winner in all this has to be the unborn child. Sometimes life just deals you all the right cards!

LSFW screen caps from the sex tape:

“American Idol” castoff Jessica Sierra has almost doubled her fifteen minutes of fame with the following brilliant three-step¹ plan:

1. Get arrested (preferrably multiple times, but at least once will do)

2. Propostion the arresting officers with blowjobs and/or vomit in the jail cell

3. Mass release low quality porn tape

And there you have it — fifteen more minutes! It’s as simple as that! Tony Robbins can suck it. TMZ reports

Just when Jessica Sierra, [who is currently] facing eleven years in prison [stemming from her second arrest last week], learned that a major porn company had obtained a sex tape featuring [her] — and they’re preparing to distribute it.

The many screen shots from the tape show [Jessica] in various sexual poses in what looks like a cheap hotel room. Sources [say] that the video will be released before the end of the year.

Or you could just camp out with a pair of binoculars at a truck stop on I-40 and wait for the lot lizards to start working their magic. It doesn’t cost you a dime, and it’s a hell of a lot less embarrassing than actually owning a Jessica Sierra sex tape. Now if you don’t live near a major interstate, simply locate your nearest homeless shelter and set up shop in a bathroom stall. Then you just wait for the good times to roll!

Suprisingly, my google search did not reveal one single HQ picture of Jessica Sierra. It did, however, yield a picture of her grandparents holding up a sign telling you to vote for her. Looks like the joke’s on you, Grandma! You must be so proud.

¹_{Overdosing at a Motel Six parking lot is optional but not required and therefore not included in Jessica’s three-step plan.}