Tila Tequila is claiming that she is on her way to becoming Jewish, much like the way I used to the bullies in high school that it didn’t matter if they kicked my ass because I could always Force-heal afterward. TMZ says,

TMZ has learned Tequila has been taking classes at a NY temple to begin the conversion process … and even skipped Christmas this year to focus on change.

We spoke with the former MTV reality star about the situation and she explained, “As time passed, I started to become more and more fascinated with Kabbalah, the culture, and the way of life of the reform Judaism religion.”

And even though she starred in a sex tape, Tequila says … “I feel Orthodox is a little hardcore for me at this stage.”

Tila adds, “I just feel like the Jewish people have such a beautiful way about them, and I can’t wait to officially be Jewish! Shabbat Shalom.”

In the real world*, someone as crazy as her would be relegated to a corner in the backyard, tethered to a tree, given the monthly shower with the garden hose, and fed stale Ritz crackers. In Hollywood, however, media outlets pick up the story and she gets publicity. They never tell you in school that “crazy” can be a marketable skill.

_{*My family}

Lindsay Lohan is switching teams once again for girlfriend Samantha Ronson — this time, it’s organized religion. The Mirror UK says

[Formerly Catholic] Lindsay is converting to Judaism to prove her devotion to Jewish Samantha.

LiLo visited a London synagogue with her DJ girlfriend on Friday. And then she returned to the same place of worship in South Kensington as Samantha’s date for the bar mitzvah of her half-brother Joshua Ronson.

Eh, Catholic, Jewish, Esoteric Lutheran — it’s pretty much all the same when you get right down to it. In fact, the only real way you can tell a Catholic wife from a Protestant one is that the Catholic has real orgasms and fake jewelery. Zing!