File this one under “No Thanks”: a Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel sex tape is being shopped around on the interwebs. Oh No They Didn’t says

According to an anonymous source, the former couple (Sarah is now dating Rob Huebel) recorded a 15-minute tape while on vacation a few years ago, but forgot the camera in the resort room - a worker at the resort is now shopping around the tape of the couple allegedly having sex.

Ew. If I want to see some flabby dude sweating all over a hairy ugly chick, I’ll just tie a pound cake to my stepmom and let my dad chase her around until his heart gives out. Won’t cost me a dime, and I still get the same effect. Incapacitating nausea is what we’re going for here, right?

Sarah in Maxim a few years back:

Here’s a change of pace from our normal cavalcade of cleavage:

Part 2 after the jump.

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Funny man Jimmy Kimmel and comedienne Sarah Silverman have broken up after five years together. Vanity Fair was the first to report

Jimmy and Sarah are no longer dating and issued a joint statement that “Jimmy and Sarah have and will have no further comment.”

With them, so has the faith of all those believed—as we did—that their union was the binding force that kept Hollywood from exploding in a mass chain reaction of irony and sexual frivolity.

Since their relationship is no longer there to hold Hollywood together, perhaps Tinseltown could be bound together with something a little more durable. Like a rope woven from Sarah Silverman’s arm hair, for example. It’s practically an unbreakable bond.

Gorilla arms at the 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards last month: