Stephanie Tanner is Getting Divorced (Again)
Tags: divorce, Jodie Sweetin, split
Hola, bitches. It’s Sarah today; Abby’s a little tied up at the moment. No, really, she’s bound and gagged and can’t type at all right now, but don’t you worry your pretty little heads. She’ll be back tomorrow (probably walking a little bowlegged, but all smiles, I’m sure).
Moving on… remember Jodie Sweetin? No, of course you don’t. She was Stephanie Tanner, the sister no one cared about on “Full House.” You know, the gangly one with the giant teeth who stomped around like a clodhopper and was never, ever funny? Not that “Full House” was ever funny anyway, but Stephanie was, like, extra lame. And then that show ended and she went away and I guess some stuff happened (she married a cop and did a bunch of meth and went to rehab and got divorced and met some dude and married him two months later and had a baby eight months after that) and then — oh hey, guess what? Last Wednesday, she filed for legal separation. Apparently, her husband had no effing idea. In the court papers she listed the separation date as Tuesday, so I guess she just woke up that morning and was all, “Huh. Don’t think I wanna be married anymore,” and then didn’t tell her husband and spent the day on the phone with a lawyer, and I’m assuming at one point she must have said something along the lines of “I am in the world’s biggest goddamn hurry to get unmarried. Make it happen tomorrow.”
Anyway, her agent (Why does she have an agent? Has she done anything since “Full House”? Sounds like she needs a new agent) issued a statement over the weekend about how she’s “trying to stay positive for Zoie,” her seven-month-old daughter. Now, I’m not saying Jodie Sweetin has an attention span problem or issues with impulsiveness or anything, but… dayum. Girl is only 26, and she’s getting divorced for the second time. It’s like she’s getting life coaching from Britney Spears. Also, she named her daughter Zoie, which is a stupid name spelled all funny, so she gets no pity from me.
