Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s overpriced hooker Ashely Dupré filed a law suit against Joe Francis and Girls Gone Wild yesterday seeking $10 million in damages for misuse of her name and image for profit. Apparently “misuse of tits and lesbian shower scenes” holds no legal bearing in court. Joe Francis issued the following statement to Us Weekly:

“It is incomprehensible that Ms. Dupré could claim she did not give her consent to be filmed by Girls Gone Wild, when in fact we have videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification. She’s seeking $10 Million for topless photos taken in front of a room full of people, including two newspapers and multiple crews we had in the room. These images were taken in public places and contain no sexual contact.”

That’s why Kurt Vonnegut once said “Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.” Also “Quit being such a goddamn slutty whore.” That last one was my mom, but I think it still applies.

Joe Francis wants you to know that he’s not just a philandering, dateraping cad. He’s a philandering, dateraping cad with a soul. And to prove it, he’s launched a brand new website to prove to everyone what an awesome guy he really is. From meetjoefrancis.com:

Friends,

I’m excited to have this opportunity to introduce myself to you personally. Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being misunderstood. From as early as the first grade, when a teacher’s aide took offense at my efforts to get her attention by putting a tack on her chair, to more recently, when a certain Southern judge took a relentless interest in putting me behind bars, it seems that I have been in a constant struggle just to be understood as a regular guy trying to get by in life.

Man, it’s just like the “system” is out to get this guy! What kind of shitty, negligent teacher takes “offense” at a kid trying to do her bodily harm? No child left behind, my ass. And what’s up with that judge? All he did was have sex with some girls that may or may not have been of a legal age of consent. There are like murderers out there, Judge Meanie. Why don’t you take more of an interest in people who are out killing people, huh? Exactly.

People have said a lot of colorful things about me, not all of which are true, and certainly not all of which are flattering. One thing I do know for sure, for example, is that I’m not a criminal. It’s been my habit to either ignore personal attacks or laugh them off. But there is just too much misinformation out there about me, and I think it’s time to set the record straight.

Joe’s not a criminal! And how dare anyone say otherwise! Just because the man is in jail — how do you know he did all that raping and child pornography, anyway? Unless there is say — videotaped evidence of such — I would strongly encourage you to think before you say such hurtful things, sirs.

It might be a stretch to say that I’m just your average Joe, but as you explore this site, I think you’ll come to find that my desires, dreams and disappointments aren’t terribly different from your own. I suppose the particulars of my life might seem remarkable, even unbelievable to some people. But that’s the reason for this website. Because if it hadn’t happened to me, I never would have believed it myself.

My dreams in life are are to retire early, live comfortably and visit Europe. Joe Francis dreams of someday getting out of jail, and jumping into a pool filled with naked 16 year old girls. Are we really so different, my friends? I think not.