The family of John Graziano — the young marine left a vegetable after Nick Hogan parked his Supra inside a palm tree last summer — has released hospital footage of their son in response to Hulk Hogan’s repeated claims that “John was injured so that God could make him a better person.” The video is graphic and disturbing and shows a man in the prime of his life reduced to drooling and blinking in a hospital bed, but you know, maybe Hulk is right. Maybe John and his family aren’t exploring all their options here. I’m sure there could be a rewarding life ahead of him as a comic book villain called “Crater Face” or as bowl for the family’s loose change and car keys. And to think, his parents dared to paint him the victim in all this! People can be so fucking ungrateful sometimes.

Just after taped jail conversations between Nick Hogan and his mother were made public on Friday, Nick’s “sister” Brooke was involved in a car accident on Sunday. She writes on her MySpace:

“I don’t know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves… As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn’t have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight.”

Then her passenger friend added:

~~~Hey this is Brookes friend and passenger, I just wanted to say that Brooke basically saved my life by making me wear my seat belt ….She is such a great friend and a good person! You all should know that! check out what I have to say on my MySpace… I’m on her top friends : La♥La

Well, let it be said that John Graziano’s debilitating head injury and permanent vegetative state were not in vain, because it kept Brooke Hogan and a Teletubby from getting hurt in a car accident. Granted, Brooke and company weren’t pushing Mach 5 into a concrete abutment with a bloodstream full of Bud Light, and Brooke could have probably just grabbed the speeding car by the fender and hurled it over a cliff Hulk-style before it ever touched them, but that’s not the point. The point here is that Brooke Hogan looks like the fucking Iron Monger in a blonde wig. Run fast. Run far.

On the set of her reality show last month: