Former Presidential hopeful John McCain not only lost the election, but it appears he also lost his wife in the process. The The National Enquirer reports
An eyewitness says he snapped photos as the [senator's] wife romantically kissed a long-haired man who resembles “a washed-up ’80s rock musician.” The pair have been seen at concerts and sporting events around Phoenix acting very lovey-dovey.
The photos were snapped April 1, 2006 when Cindy and her companion attended the Tempe Music Festival. The photos are somewhat grainy, but the insider says they depict Senator John McCain’s wife, who was greeted by pals at the event as “Cindy.”
“Cindy had her hand on his shoulder and was kissing him passionately on his lips,” the photog [said]. A second witness spotted Cindy and her “mystery man” at a Moody Blues concert “passionately kissing and hugging.”
It’s not that difficult to believe the accusations considering the 18-year age difference between John, 72 and Cindy, 54. That’s nearly two decades between them. Sure, he might have seven houses and the fascist loyalty of religious conservatives nationwide, but the fact is he’s still a flabby septuagenarian with old man balls. Fact. No amount of money will ever change that. The only reason a woman would voluntarily have sex with a guy that old is because she was banking on him being dead within the next three months, giving her just enough time to establish herself in the last will and testament while minimizing the number of times she actually has to suffer through intercourse with him. Some people call it “prostitution;” I prefer to call it “my ticket out of this dump.” Call me, Senator!
Two French-Canadian “comedians” from CKOI radio station in Montreal managed to prank call Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin yesterday by posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy. It’s just as funny as the above clip of John McCain on Saturday Night Live this weekend. Once you listen to it, you’ll instantly realize why you never see any Frenchmen on stage down at the local Chucklehut. They just aren’t funny. French people should stick to doing what they do best and leave the humor and hijinks for the rest of us. There’s got to be a market for “running away” and “plunging small southeast Asian countries into civil war and Communism” somewhere out there!
After bailing on him on late last month, Presidential hopeful John McCain finally made an appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman last night. And gosh golly gee, was it as riveting as you’d imagined it’d be. That David Letterman really brought the heat, which of course was great for John McCains’s hips and lower back. Ha ha! Get it? You know, because he’s old, and… ugh. Look, I tried. Let’s be honest here. The only thing you’ll find on the internet more boring than this interview will under the heading “accounts payable/accounts receivable” and “Key Management Ratios: From Cash Flow to ROI and ROTA.” Knock yourselves out.
Funny or Die has a clip of Gina Gershon as Sarah Palin addressing the “issues” surrounding her nomination for Vice President. It’s pretty awesome, although making fun of Sarah Palin isn’t really that hard. Kinda like how making fun of retarded kids or fat people isn’t hard. The fact of the matter is that Sarah Palin is a fucking moron. But like Homer Simpson once said, “Facts are meaningless. You could use “facts” to prove anything that’s even remotely true.” I figure that’s probably going to be the crux of the entire McCain-Palin campaign. Also, “I don’t have to be careful — I’ve got a gun!” and “Remember, as far as anyone knows, we’re a nice normal family.”
It pains me to say this, but Funny or Die’s Paris Hilton mock campaign ad is really funny. In response to the John McCain ad that used her image as a reference for Barack Obama’s “celebrity” status, several clever writers put together a wittily self-effacing response for Paris to parrot back to the cameras. God knows she could never come up with something that funny herself. Left to her own devices, it’d just be footage of her making “sexy” faces into the camera and blowing air kisses into a three way mirror. I’d rather watch Mario Cantone read the Physician’s Desk Reference aloud in a g-string and ladies’ sunhat.
Paris Hilton and Britney Spears both have blink-and-you’ll-miss-them cameos in a new John McCain ad that calls Barack Obama’s “celebrity” status into question. And how do the starlets feel about being politically aligned without their consent? MSNBC reports
While Hilton is “happy to feel relevant,” Spears is said to be “unfazed” by the inclusion.
“She visits gossip sites on the Internet,” says a source close to Spears. “She’s not exactly glued to campaign news. She’s unfazed by this. If not for Googling her own name she probably wouldn’t have noticed.”
When she finally caught the ad in between episodes of “Access Hollywood” and “Entertainment Tonight,” she reportedly exclaimed, “Hey! There’s that old guy from mah Pepsi commercial! He ain’t dead yet?” Then she went back to stuffing Fritos in her mouth, adding, “Man, fuck Pepsi. They ain’t returned mah phone calls in five years. Huccome that old guy is still gettin’ work? Ah’m sexier than him! It’s Britney, bitch!” before popping off of a couple of violent corn-chip-crumb-launching pelvic thrusts in the face of her terrified three year-old.
Paris at Pure Nightclub in Vegas earlier this week:
