Kim Kardashian has become the target of tween death threats after pop sensation Justin Bieber made the mistake of labeling her his girlfriend in a Twitter photo on Sunday. The NY Daily News says

Many of the pop star’s two million Twitter followers didn’t take the joke too kindly.

“I’m getting death threats from your fans!” Kardashian wrote Tuesday night. “This is unBeliebable!!!”

“ladies calm down,” he 16-year-old chart topper wrote, adding “she’s only a friend. a very sexy friend but a friend. no need 4 threats. Let’s all be friends and hang out often.”

I don’t think Kim has anything to worry about. The only people stupider than a Kardashian are 14 year-old girls. Case in point:

Egituc posted a comment 20 hours ago
those girls are just jellous

prencessa_jiji posted a comment 1 day ago
I’m jelous :@

jessallstar posted a comment 2 days ago
not dat i would,cause i’m vegetarian.but yeah… awquard silence..

decentanuj posted a comment 2 days ago
boy go home and change ur diper

_Puffy_Cheeks_ posted a comment 3 days ago
Wow Justin U look handsom and Kim is very pretty

biebfeev posted a comment 3 days ago
You would be a greate couple :*

If you’re wondering why China is going to replace us as the world’s greatest superpower within the next ten years, just check out the comments on Justin Bieber’s Twitter page. Un-fucking-believable. The American education system sure is top-notch. You could give a blind one-armed monkey a typewriter and he’d still manage to spell “great” and “jealous” correctly before they would. If the children are our future, then I’m Linda Hamilton in Terminator 2, frantically rattling the chain-link fence and screaming “NOOOOO!” at the top of my lungs before it all explodes in a cloud of pheromones and Bonnie Bell glitter gloss.

At the Grand Opening of Beach Bunny Swimwear last week:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

“Retired” actor Joaquin Phoenix’s little foray into rap music is really just his pitiful attempt at an Andy Kaufman-style hoax. According to Entertainment Weekly

Says one source who recently worked with Phoenix: “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it.’”

With this supposed career reboot he is evidently trying to both lampoon pompous actors and punk the media that covers them. “It’s an art project for him,” says a source. “He’s going full out. He probably has told his reps that he’s quit acting. Joaquin is very smart. This is very conscious. He has a huge degree of control.”

Yep, when I think “Joaquin Phoenix,” the first word that comes to mind is definitely “control.” No, wait… make that “cornhole.” My mistake.