Now that he’s all but castrated himself financially, former “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ star Jon Gosselin will be humiliating himself in a new reality show in which he’ll be dating Octomom Nadya Suleman. Sounds classy! The NY Daily News says

Producer Bobby Goldstein says he will produce the pilot, called “Jon – Kate = Jon Octomom,” with a former producer of “The Jerry Springer Show.”

According to a press release, cameras will follow Gosselin “as he contemplates what hooking up with Octomom could really be like. If they got married, they’d have 22 kids.”

Tthe 33-year-old single mom reveals that she will be so obsessed with the octodad, “she’s already talking openly about the two of them getting married.”

He added, “It will be like watching a train wreck. You know you shouldn’t look, but you can’t turn your head away.”

It’s more like looking into someone’s bedpan right before you empty it. You don’t want to look, but something inside of you compels you to, primarily because you’re a masochist with self-esteem issues and deep-down, you hate yourself and feel the need to suffer some kind of punishment. Yep, taking care of grandma those last few years really taught my a lot about myself.

Jon + cigarette; Nadya + boobs:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

Bring out them hankies, folks, because your favorite show you love to hate will be put down–hopefully, with a shotgun behind the barn. People reports,

Jon & Kate Plus 8, which in recent months had become just about as fun as reliving your parents’ divorce, will stop filming new episodes next month, according to the New York Post.

After Jon Gosselin, 32, forbade TLC from filming his and 34-year-old estranged wife Kate’s eight children for their show, the network will try to squeeze out a couple remaining episodes from existing footage before putting the show to rest, according to sources.

Kate, who’s previously said she relies on the show for her income, and who says the kids have been crying since the film crews left, hasn’t commented. Neither has Jon, who said he put the kibosh on the show because had an epiphany about the harm the show was causing the family – and not because he’d been axed from a future version of the show to be called Kate Plus 8.

It’s not clear whether TLC would restart the show should Jon change his mind about filming the kids.

The kids have been crying since they film crews left? This is one seriously ass-backwards family. Maybe they’re crying because Mommy Dearest is beating her little moneymakers now that they’re not supporting her anymore. Well, there’s always the sweatshops they can work at in downtown Los Angeles.

Since it’s going to be hard to do the “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ show minus the Jon part (you don’t exactly need cable to watch a single mom struggle with a passel of brats for an hour — just try Denny’s on a Saturday morning), Kate Gosselin has already got her shrew-claws in another television business venture. According to Radar Online

Kate will be shooting the pilot for her new talk show this weekend. Kate is teaming up with Paula Deen for a show that is planned to have a mix of advice, health and beauty tips and celebrity gossip.

Right now the plan is to have multiple hosts with Paula and Kate. Comedian Sandra Bernhard and Tammy Lynn Michaels have both been considered for the job.

The show is based on the popular Web site Mom Logic.

“Mom Logic?” Isn’t that kind of an oxymoron? It’s pretty much common knowledge that once you pass the two-kid mark, you meet the legal requirements to be labeled “functionally insane.” How else do you justify eating something that fell on the ground as long as it’s within a five-second window or cleaning your loved ones with your own saliva in public? Without being homeless or part cat, I mean? You’re a mom, that’s how! It’s standard operating procedure to step out of the house with someone’s barf in your hair and two-day old diaper seepage on your pants. That’s why we drink.

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight’s” Jon Gosselin has reportedly threatened to kill himself on multiple occasions — at least according to the nanny he was plowing a month ago. Radar Online says

The father-of-8 is a pressure cooker waiting to boil over, says the mother of his babysitter and former lover, Stephanie Santoro.

In a shocking exclusive interview, Marci Santoro confirmed her daughter’s sexual relationship with Jon and said Gosselin threatened to kill himself.

“He said that everybody would be better off without him and that his children would be better off if he wasn’t around anymore,” Marci [said]. “He said to her, ‘I’m just going to kill myself, I’m just going to end it all.’”

No, your death wouldn’t end it all, you tubby little shit. You’d still have that shrew of an ex-wife and your eight little bastards running around daddy-less, and TLC would milk that shit for ratings like it was a fucking dairy cow. No, if you really want to “end it all,” you’ve got to take out your entire family first and then kill yourself. See UFC fighter Justin Levens for details.

Douching it up with his bodyguard in New York:

Jon and Kate Gosselin announced on their hit TLC reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ yesterday that they are “separating.” Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Us Weekly says

“Kate and I have decided to separate,” Jon announced, calling Monday’s episode his “hardest” show ever. “It’s just not good for us to be arguing in front of our kids.”

Jon said he doesn’t know if he’ll remain on the show.

But Kate said, “The show must go on. I will continue to be here, be with the kids, do the same things I’ve always done with them.”

Let me get this straight here… you’re saying that inviting a camera crew and a legion of television producers into your home is NOT good for your marriage? Jesus H. Christ! What, I suppose “including the neighbors in group sex sessions” and “beating your significant other with a shoe horn” aren’t good for family cohesiveness, either? My God. It’s like I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

I don’t know the name of the paparazzo who took this picture of “Jon and Kate Plus 8’s” Kate Gosselin on the beach in her bikini, but he clearly has a knack for the camera. The rich organic textures, the interplay between sea and subject — it’s fantastic. All he needs is a good artsy title for the photo and he could probably make a real name for himself in the photography world. Something along the lines of “Kate in Repose.” Or maybe “Broiled Pudding Skin Draped over Beef Jerky.” You want the name to really resonate with the people.

A former boyfriend of Jon Gosselin’s mistress Deanna Hammel has come forth with a sex tape that he claims to have made with the elementary school teacher several years ago. Along with several stills from the video (see below), the ex says on his website

Hello world! This is a site owned by one of Deanna Hummel’s ex-boyfriends.

When I read the news about her alleged affair with Jon Gosselin from the show Jon & Kate Plus 8, I have to say I wasn’t surprised.

The Deanna I knew wasn’t above cheating, even with married men, hence our eventual breakup. During our time together we made a secret amateur sex tape. It wasn’t a hidden cam or anything, she was totally aware of the fact that I was taping. This has never been available to the public before. And it still isn’t…yet! But I am shopping this tape and am currently in negotiations with sites like porn.com about selling it.

If anyone is interested in making me an offer, please email me at sextape@deannahummel.com

And if that wasn’t enough, new stories are emerging that Jon’s wife Kate is also cheating. Star Magazine reports

Jon may not have been the first to stray.

“I heard Kate was getting way too close with her personal trainer, so Jon started cheating,” Trisha Berlin, a fellow Pennsylvanian [says]. Kate is also being linked to her hunky bodyguard.

I imagine having sticking your penis inside a woman who has birthed eight children is kind of like shoveling sand in the sea. I think I’ll pass on that one, thanks.

Obviously NSFW Deanna Hummel sex tape stills after the jump:
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Much like the mucus that coagulates in the cervical canal during the initial stages of pregnancy, the scandal surrounding “Jon and Kate Plus 8’s” Jon Gosselin’s three-month affair with school teacher Deanna Hummel continues to thicken. After Deanna’s brother Jason went on record earlier this week to confirm Jon’s multiple trips to the Pennsylvania home he shares with Deanna, his sister responded by telling the press Jason was an unemployed former drug addict and a liar. Us Weekly says

As for Deanna’s accusations against her brother for being “very shady” and “having no job” and a “criminal background,” Jason Hummel — a full-time student at Reading Area Community College - was candid about his history. “I have a bad past and I’m not proud of it,” he told the magazine. “I was selling drugs. I’m on probation. When I made my mistake, I was the same age as my sister is now, making her mistake. Hopefully she can learn from it.”

Meanwhile…

A security guard at a Pennsylvania motel has come forth, telling RadarOnline.com that he also saw Jon kiss a woman who fits the description of Deanna at Legends Lounge on April 19. (Jon has denied kissing Deanna at the club. He also denied that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, even though photos clearly show him with no band on his left hand.)

Perhaps even more shocking in all of this is the revelation that people actually watch this show. I had honestly never heard of it until this week. I figured the only people who tuned in to “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ were stay-at-home moms and guys who stumbled across it thinking was some kind of gangbang porno.