Wondering where all the cool kids went this weekend? If you thought, “somewhere in Vegas with Jon Gosselin and his mom,” you’d be right. Play on, playa! People Magazine says

Though the outside temperature topped out at around 115 degrees, Jon Gosselin may have been this weekend’s hottest thing in Vegas. With his mother and four friends in tow, the father of eight hosted a much-hyped pool party Saturday.

Moments after walking into his private cabana at MGM Grand’s Wet Republic, several females from the adjacent VIP area approached. It wasn’t long before he was surrounded by women.

Gosselin, sporting shorts and a collared shirt, was spotted collecting a few phone numbers and mixing drinks for scantily dressed women.

Ugh. It’s like the two dudes from The Roxbury and Dane Cook made a douche baby and then tried to kill it by chucking it down a sewer hole, only it somehow survived. Think “Oswald Cobblepot,” but wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt and enough Axe Body Spray to burn the eyebrows clean off your face from a distance of thirty paces.

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin, Splash News

Remember the night cops were called to Jon Gosselin’s residence when he refused Kate entry to his home? It seems Kate’s 8-year-old daughters were the ones who made the call to their mother asking her to come get them because Jon was groping the babysitter and they didn’t like having to watch it. Ooh, Daddy likey! The kids, not so much. According to Star Magazine

Cara and Mady were so upset about Jon and sitter Stephanie Santoro — a wannabe nude model who he took on for sitting duties after meeting her in a bar — that they put in a panicked call to mom.

Kate rushed to the house but Jon wouldn’t let her in and cops were called after the parents of eight got into a screaming match.

So who is the latest woman in sleazy-stud Jon’s life? We have the full dirt from her ex-boyfriend, who calls her “crazy” and tells us: “That girl is a danger to the kids. My message to Kate would be to not allow her children to be around her.”

Wait, there’s more! Remember the Star Magazine reporter fired for doing sexy times with Jon? Now that he’s dumped her, she’s ready to talk. Kate Major told Life and Style Magazine

“Jon said he couldn’t be seen having a girlfriend, so he told me to drive to a neighbor’s house after midnight, when the kids were asleep. He said he’d pick me up on his four-wheeler, take me to his house and drop me off again at 6 a.m.

I was shocked and said, ‘No, I don’t feel right doing that. What if the kids wake up?’ He was like, ‘They’re not going to notice, they’re not going to see anything.’ He wasn’t nervous about it — I was.”

And of Jon’s relationship with Kate’s plastic surgeon’s daughter Hailey Glassman, she adds:

“When we were in the Hamptons, we were planning to go to Las Vegas. Now he’s taking Hailey — and that was a trip we had planned together. Jon told [me] he was going to Massachusetts to break up with [Glassman]. But when he left on June 23, [he] shut his phone off. When he finally called [me] back, he said ‘he needed to be single.’ He totally screwed me over and acted like a dirtbag.”

Well, good for him. Jon’s really doing his part to make sure that his daughters understand that a father’s love is conditional and their self-worth is really at the mercy of his wiener. It’s not like porn stars and strippers grow on trees, you know. Everybody’s gotta start somewhere!

With Hailey in France:

PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin

Jon and Kate Gosselin announced on their hit TLC reality show “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ yesterday that they are “separating.” Didn’t see that one coming, did ya? Us Weekly says

“Kate and I have decided to separate,” Jon announced, calling Monday’s episode his “hardest” show ever. “It’s just not good for us to be arguing in front of our kids.”

Jon said he doesn’t know if he’ll remain on the show.

But Kate said, “The show must go on. I will continue to be here, be with the kids, do the same things I’ve always done with them.”

Let me get this straight here… you’re saying that inviting a camera crew and a legion of television producers into your home is NOT good for your marriage? Jesus H. Christ! What, I suppose “including the neighbors in group sex sessions” and “beating your significant other with a shoe horn” aren’t good for family cohesiveness, either? My God. It’s like I just don’t know what to believe anymore.

“Jon & Kate Plus 8′s” Jon and Kate Gosselin have informed the public that they will be announcing a “life-changing decision” on the June 22nd episode of their show. MSNBC says

Many assume the couple will announce they’re getting a divorce. A source close to the situation says that Kate recently met with a divorce lawyer and Jon will file papers next week.

According to other sources who know the couple, [it's only a trial separation]. “They’ve met with a lawyer, but divorce is not a definite,” says the source. “Right now, it’s in the best interest to them — and let’s be honest, the show — to ride out a separation.”

No one likes to hear the words “life-changing decision,” but really, it could mean so many different things. I know the time mom and dad sat me down and told me my life was about to change, it had nothing to do with divorce. It was more of a “Dad’s decided he’s going to live the rest of his life as a woman” kind of thing. I guess we’ll just have to wait until Monday and see.

Much like the mucus that coagulates in the cervical canal during the initial stages of pregnancy, the scandal surrounding “Jon and Kate Plus 8′s” Jon Gosselin’s three-month affair with school teacher Deanna Hummel continues to thicken. After Deanna’s brother Jason went on record earlier this week to confirm Jon’s multiple trips to the Pennsylvania home he shares with Deanna, his sister responded by telling the press Jason was an unemployed former drug addict and a liar. Us Weekly says

As for Deanna’s accusations against her brother for being “very shady” and “having no job” and a “criminal background,” Jason Hummel — a full-time student at Reading Area Community College – was candid about his history. “I have a bad past and I’m not proud of it,” he told the magazine. “I was selling drugs. I’m on probation. When I made my mistake, I was the same age as my sister is now, making her mistake. Hopefully she can learn from it.”

Meanwhile…

A security guard at a Pennsylvania motel has come forth, telling RadarOnline.com that he also saw Jon kiss a woman who fits the description of Deanna at Legends Lounge on April 19. (Jon has denied kissing Deanna at the club. He also denied that he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring, even though photos clearly show him with no band on his left hand.)

Perhaps even more shocking in all of this is the revelation that people actually watch this show. I had honestly never heard of it until this week. I figured the only people who tuned in to “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ were stay-at-home moms and guys who stumbled across it thinking was some kind of gangbang porno.