People are always asking me, “So, Abby, who are you going to vote for come November 4th?” The answer is: I’m not. And not just because I’m a registered felon, either. And also not because Election Day falls on Triple Taco Tuesday at the Mexi-Hut. That’s just a happy coincidence. I’m not voting because I think both candidates may, in fact, be communists, what with their “nationalizing the banks” this and “from each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” that. But if I were a voting girl, I think Barack Obama would have sealed the deal with last night’s half-hour long prime time infomercial and appearance on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. He’s self-effacing and confident, personable and charming all at once, like me after a couple of drinks, except he keeps his shirt on. I’d say the only way John McCain could seem more antiquated and out of touch now is if he had tentacles for a beard and a barnacle-covered lobster claw for a hand and only came up on dry land once every hundred years.

Informercial in its entirety after the jump.

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