Kimberly Stewart seems to have acquired a taste for Sienna Miller’s old orifice pluggers — first Jude Law, and now Rhys Ifans. According to The Sun

The socialite spent last night cheering up Rhys Ifans, who was recently left broken hearted when Sienna dumped him for Balthazar Getty. They were careful to be pictured leaving top night spot Bungalow 8 separately, but sources say they were inseparable inside.

My mother once gave me a word of advice that I think applies here. She said, “Don’t ever eat where Sienna Miller shat.” Also, “You’d be better off stubbing out a cigar in your vagina.” Remember, burns will heal, but herpes is forever!

Actor Jude Law has descended from the resplendent heights of Sienna Miller kitty-dom to the D-list shantytown known as Kimberly Stewart. The two were photographed sucking face at 195 Nightclub in Essex over the weekend. According to The Sun

“Jude Law’s the first big name we have ever seen in there. We couldn’t believe it when we saw Kimberly Stewart snogging [his] face off. They were really going at it and barely came up for air. [We] asked if we could have our photo taken with them… they said no, turned back to face each other again then carried on kissing.”

I guess those rumors of Jude Law being a satyriasist are completely true. I wouldn’t patch my damn roof with Kimberly Stewart’s face, and yet here he is bumping uglies with her. For all intents and purposes, he could have just covered his wiener in haggis and bean dip casserole and then let a couple of wolverines take turns chewing on it. Last time I checked, there was still a little dignity in that.

More haggis, anyone?