Miley Cyrus and Justin Gaston are through with their pedophilic shenanigans.  I guess either his shelf life expired or she got too old for him.  Either that or she got bored with playing out her daddy issues for the international press.  From E! Online:

The 16-year-old starlet has ended her nine-month romance with the 20-year-old underwear model, sources close to the duo exclusively confirm to E! News.

The Hannah Montana star called things off last week as she prepared to leave Los Angeles for two months to shoot her Nicholas Sparks movie, The Last Song, in Savannah, Ga.

Speculation of trouble peaked yesterday when the two simultaneously twittered about tears and goodbyes.

A source close to the couple says both of them are really heartbroken over the split.

Well, that’s pretty lame and boring, but there’s apparently more to the story.  Supposedly, it was a Jonas Brother who drove a wedge between the knicker dummy and the hillbilly:

Gaston, a Louisiana native, has told pals that the star’s resurrected friendship with Nick Jonas this spring was his Achilles’ heel.

“She obviously has been hanging out with Nick again a lot, and Justin was cool with it at first, as long as it was just a cool, friendly thing,” says an insider. “She didn’t cheat, but I guess Nick was trying to get her back the whole time.”

Yeah, that’s still totally boring.  I can’t even put into words how little I care about some dirty old man panty mannequin’s angst, or about Hannah Montana and Little Jonas dry humping each other whilst praying or whatever.  Everyone involved in this nonsense is creepy and disgusting.

Miley Cyrus‘ 20-year old boyfriend Justin Gaston offers a little insight into the inner machinations of a male model’s mind in a positively riveting interview in next month’s Details magazine.

On who would play him in a movie:

“I think if Ashton Kutcher played me, like, he would be probably a funnier me. He’s a pretty funny guy. But I’m going to say Johnny Depp, just cause I really like Johnny Depp and we’re just going to be crazy, like. Like Johnny Depp’s going to play like an older me. He’s gonna be like me when I’m older. Cause he’s a really cool and he’s a great actor so then I’ll seem really cool.”

On who he would like to trade lives with:

“I’d like to be one of those lap dogs that just get petted all day. Cause they just have the best life. They wake up, they get fed and they have attention all the time. I like attention. I don’t like to be by myself, so I want to be one of those little dogs. Is that weird?”

Then he said, “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is” before adding, “You know, words can only hurt you if you try to read them. That’s why I don’t play their game.”

Maybe she’s tired of being pedophile fodder. Maybe she’s tired of all the dirty, dirty things Justin Gaston wants her to do and the burning and itching afterwards, but word from the rumor mill is that Miley Cyrus wants to go back to her old boyfriend, the virginal Nick Jonas. NY Daily News reports,

“Miley and Nick want to get back together,” our source tells us. “Because they’re working together [on a new video], they’ve been put in close proximity to each other. They’re now spending more and more time together, and they’re constantly on the phone.”

When the two were photographed together on a lunch date at L.A.’s Village Idiot in mid-April, Miley laughed off rumors of a romance, using the “just friends” chestnut.

But do friends kiss and cuddle? When the two get together these days, their relationship hardly seems platonic. Says our insider, “Miley was over at the Jonas house recently, and they were smooching. Nick’s parents have this rule that when a girl is over, the door has to be open, but that didn’t stop Nick and Miley from making out.”

I’m still betting that Miley ends up either pregnant or in rehab by her 18th birthday. Maybe if her dad didn’t spend so much time styling his hair he could do something about that, but somehow I don’t see that happening. Man looks like a freaking Maltese dog.

Miley and Daddy Dearest at the UK Premiere of Hannah Montana: The Movie

Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus has her little black heart set on getting a tattoo of her 21-year old model boyfriend Justin Gaston’s initials. Fucking brilliant. According to

The InquisitorMiley has drawn her own design for her first tattoo, which is a heart with the initials of Justin Gaston in the middle. The only catch for Miley: you need parental permission to get a tattoo if you’re under the age of 18.

“She’s trying to play her mom, Tish, against her dad to get one of them to agree to the tattoo” according to a source. Miley has previously worn a temporary tattoo in a similar configuration.

Well, you know how that old saying goes — statutory rape might be three-to-five, but a tattoo is forever.

The Cyrus family goes to church to consult the Almighty:

Here’s an enchanting video clip of Miley Cyrus on “The Ellen Degeneres Show”. It’s painful to watch Miley spasdically giggling and flopping around in her chair when Ellen starts questioning her relationship with 20 year-old Justin Gaston. Aside from it being a crime for a man to have sex with an underage girl, I think having sex with an underage girl who’s also mentally disabled probably earns you a place on the expressway to hell.

Miley Cyrus is a no-talent hellspawn, so it pleases me immensely that Justin Gaston (that 20-year-old underwear model living in her house) told reporters at the CMA Awards on Wednesday night that they’re “just friends.”  From Access Hollywood:

NASHVILLE - Miley Cyrus has been spotted everywhere recently with model and aspiring singer Justin Gaston, but the 20-year-old former “Nashville Star” contestant denies having a relationship with the 15-year-old Disney star.

“Oh, just family friend, you know,” Gaston said at the CMA Awards on Wednesday night.

“I met Billy Ray on the show and just became friends with the whole family. And they’re such a great family,” Gaston continued. “I moved (to LA) two years ago and started a modeling career and that’s kind of just to break into the music business and everything.”

Oooohhhhhh, I see.  So he’s really doing the dirty with Billy Ray?  It’s all starting to make sense to me now.

Miley, Billy Ray and Justin at Wednesday night’s CMAs:

15-year-old Disney slutbag Miley Cyrus and her 800 bodyguards disrupted the Christian Audigier fashion show on Wednesday so that she could mime licking 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston’s ballsack as he walked down the runway. Suck on that, Mickey! Page Six says

Gaston and Cyrus… “were all over each other backstage.” Every time Gaston walked, he would blow a kiss and wink at his teenage girlfriend, who in turn, “licked her lips seductively as he passed her.”

Cyrus was surrounded at all times by five bodyguards who “banned anyone from getting near her and formed a barrier so she wouldn’t be touched or bothered by anyone.”

It might seem a little excessive, but I understand Miley’s need for the five-man-deep bodyguard blockade. I really do. Because I imagine anyone who gets within ten feet of this stupid bitch has to muster every last bit of self-control not to punch her big ugly teeth right down her big stupid gullet. My ass-kickin’ foot involuntarily starts twitching the moment I even start writing about her. Fortunately, I’ve only ever had to use it once, when that old lady cut in front of me at the buffet line at Shoney’s, but you can rest assured it’s definitely primed for a chance meeting with our little Hannah Montana.

Miley Cyrus is still suffering under the delusion that her 20-year old boyfriend is only interested in good clean fun. OK! Magazine says,

Miley Cyrus is so excited about her new man, underwear model Justin Gaston, that she can’t bear for them to be apart!

“Justin and Miley are constantly texting each other,” a friend of Justin tells OK!. “They text things like, ‘I miss you so much,’ and ‘I can’t wait to see you.’ It’s all very cute and lovey-dovey. Justin also thinks highly of Miley’s opinion — he’s thinking about getting a tattoo and was asking her for ideas.”

One time when I was 15 I went to the fair and there was like this totally cute carnival worker, and I and my friend hung out at his booth amidst the stuffed Tweety Birds and inflatable hammers and flirted with him. He was 23 years old and I was so flattered that he told me I was pretty and I felt so grown-up and cute. I totally convinced myself that he wasn’t after some underage tail and that he was really a nice guy! Then I learned from the toothless hag who sold cotton candy that he was the Carney Slut and worked all the girls. My twee little heart was broken! Here’s hoping that little Miley doesn’t end up pregnant. Actually, I’ve got a bet going on at work that she ends up either pregnant or in rehab by her 18th birthday. I’ve got 3 years to go and things are looking promising!

The two young lovers out and about