Jun 5, 2009
Wait, what? I thought these bitches broke up last year? Whatever. Apparently they’re still happening, or re-happening or some shit, because here’s Drew Barrymore and Justin Long at a Green Day concert together last night. Anyway, that’s not even really the point. Let’s focus on what’s important here and talk about what in the holy hell Drew’s wearing. I get that Drew’s all kooky and eccentric and generally very fond of dressing like it’s no later than about 1987 and it’s all just part of her hippy dippy charm, and that’s probably for the best because without all that she’d just be a mediocre actress with a speech impediment and abominable taste in men…
The hell was my point? Oh, yeah. The outfit.
Drew. DUDE. For serious, what are you wearing? No, I mean it. Look at yourself:
Is that a table cloth rigged together with a pair of my grandpa’s suspenders? Why is there a gingham napkin wrapped around your neck? And why is there a bird on the inside of your elbow? Jesus, I hope that’s magic marker, because it’s one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen so I’d hate to think it won’t wash off.
The most reasonable explanation I can come up with for this situation is that Drew was at some sort of picnic, and she was high as a goddamn kite and she saw a pretty bird, and she really wanted a picture of the bird but she was so stoned that she forgot cameras had been invented, so she drew a picture of the bird on her arm, and then there was skinnydipping and some nefarious character came along and stole her clothes from the pile on the shore, and so she was forced to MacGyver an outfit for herself with the contents of the picnic basket. She’s so resourceful!
Aug 26, 2008
The always radiant Kirsten Dunst was spotted sucking face with Drew Barrymore’s ex-boyfriend Justin Long over the weekend. According to Rush and Molloy
The “Mac guy” was snogging Dunst in L.A. at Sunset Junction. The duo “were making out hard-core while waiting in line for margaritas,” says our spy. “They were holding hands and were all over each other.”
Yep, she might be pushing 30, but Kirsten Dunst’s still got it. “It” of course being “the kind of ugly than could peel the stink off a monkey.” That Justin Long is one lucky fella!
At the International Shortfest in Palm Springs on Saturday:
Jul 21, 2008
Drew Barrymore’s out-of-control boozing is to blame for her recent split from Justin “I’m a Mac” Long. The Enquirer says
Barrymore and Long had planned to wed – until booze resumed its hold on the former child star. “Justin got tired of having to help Drew to the car at the end of the night,” an insider [said]. “Justin gently suggested to Drew that they both slow down on the drinking, and she didn’t take it well. Drew believes she has control over her drinking.”
Jesus, I get so sick of people trying to tell you that you have “a problem” all the time. Oh, Abby, you have a “problem” with binge drinking. Hey, Abby, you have a “problem” with indecent exposure. Abby, you might want to see a lawyer about your stealing-from-the-petty-cash-at-work “problem.” Well, there’s only one thing to say to your boyfriend (or the cops or the prosecuting attorney) when they start up on you about your “problem”again: “Look — if there was a problem, yo, I’d solve it.” You can add “Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it” or just freestyle from there. There’s no arguing with Vanilla Ice logic, baby!
The couple in happier, boozier times (drinking on a beach and leaving a bar):
Jan 11, 2008
Actress Drew Barrymore and boyfriend Justin Long were reportedly involved in bar fight last week. Surprisingly, it had nothing to do with anyone being forced to watch “Freddy Got Fingered.” According to Female First
The ‘Charlie’s Angels’ star and the ‘Live Free or Die Hard’ actor were enjoying a private drink together at West Hollywood’s Bar Lubitsch when a fellow patron started taking photographs of them. An onlooker [said]: “Drew complained to a member of staff and suddenly there were fists flying everywhere. “Drew and Justin ran out of there as quickly as they could.”
Which should really read: Justin sprinted for the exit while Drew gazed dreamily at the brawlers, murmuring, “Like, it’s like… like their fists are making love to the face bones!” And then Justin had to turn around amid exclamations of “they’re like these little possums in a cocoon of chaos” and “God, it’s all so fucking magical, isn’t it?” to grab her by the wrist and drag her towards the door before she tried to cleanse their chakras by anointing them with patchouli again.
Drew at the Palm Springs International Film Fest Awards Gala January 5th:
