When I first saw the words “painted ladies California” in the tagline under the pictures, I got really excited. Finally, more photos of early Colorist Movement Edwardian homes to add to my Nob Hill Historic District collection! But when I opened them, it turned out to be just a couple of sluts in body paint at a Playboy Super Bowl party. I’m sure you’re just as disappointed as I am.

Hef’s new girlfriends Karissa (number 69) and Kristina Shannon (also number 69):

Now that Holly Madison and Kendra Wilkinson have both confirmed their splits with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, the big question on everyone’s mind is, “Where will Hef try to stuff his soggy old-man-penis now?” Cue the Shannon Twins — Karissa and Kristina — blond, buxom, and a whopping nineteen years old, making Hugh old enough to be their great-grandfather. Side note: this may be the first time in recorded history that someone has referenced an 82-year old man’s wiener without once using the words “bedsores” or “urine scalding.” This has to be one for the books, people!