Remember that time Kate Moss didn’t show her nipples? Yeah, me neither. Maybe it was just a terrible dream. Just like Night Ranger and “A Gnome Named Gnorm.” Sister Christian, oh the time has come! Just wake me when it’s all over.
NSFW unless you work in a strip club:
I often wonder — what would Kate Moss look like if she weren’t showing nipples? Or if the moon were made of spareribs? Or if up were down and black were white and the Detroit Tigers didn’t suck major donkey dick? But then I have to laugh and shake my head at my own foolish indulgence, pull out the carb on the the bong and return to the simplicity and structured order of the Spongebob and the Funion. It is the natural way of things.
Kate showing crack and nips is in Spain this week:
Kate Moss showed up to the opening of the Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott photography exhibit in the Istanbul, Turkey dressed in a completely see-through dress. ‘Cause if there’s one thing a predominantly Muslim country loves, it’s visible nipples. They also really like it when you walk into the Mosque with your shoes still on holding the Koran in your wiping hand. Toss in a few “Jesus Christ is Lord’s” and “America RULEZ!’s” and you’re guaranteed to blend seamlessly into their culture.
Wanna know why Kate Moss and Pete Doherty kept getting back together? Was it their mutual distaste for hygiene? Symbiotic drug addictions? Nope, not according to close personal friend Shane MacGowan. It was the “mind-blowing sex.” I’ll pause so you can shudder and make gagging noises. According to The Mirror
Shane, 49, [said]: “They were perfect for each other. Totally nuts about each other. They were one of those couples that would argue loads but when they got back together they would have mind-blowing sex.”
Well, just about anything seems “mind-blowing” when you’re stoned. I once spent an hour high as a kite staring at the little rainbow the backside of a CD makes when it refracts light. An hour. This other time I tried to pay for a bottle of orange juice after three hits of acid, and I might as well have been trying to attempt nuclear physics right there at the gas station counter. I ended up just thrusting a five dollar bill at the attendant and sprinting the hell out of there. So armed with this personal experience, my gut says that this “mind-blowing sex” actually translated to “three or four attempts at stuffing his mostly-flaccid penis in Kate’s hole before they both passed out and/or threw up.” Not exactly the stuff you see in pornos, you know. Not the good ones, anyway.
World’s ugliest supermodel Kate Moss accused actress Sienna Miller of copying her at a wedding in London over the weekend. Yes. You read that right. Copying her. It would seem that Sienna’s new relationship with “Hippie Hippie Shake” co-star Rhys Ifans precipitated the row, because Rhys is also Kate’s friend, so obviously just another blatant attempt by Sienna at copying. The Daily Mail reports
An onlooker [at the wedding said]: “Kate had a go at Sienna and accused her of stealing her style. She was ranting on about how Sienna was now trying to steal her lifestyle and her friends too. It was really cutting and everyone was listening to them. A few drinks had been sunk by the time Kate said it and Sienna had plucked up some Dutch courage too. She gave Kate as good as she got.” Kate’s close friend Sadie Frost and Ifans reportedly intervened, forcing the feuding pair to calling a truce - for the night at least.
The fellow guest told the paper: “Sadie stood between them and reminded them that it was a wedding and that they should show some respect.”
Not before Sienna attempted to give her cooties, to which Kate quickly circled-circled-dot-dotted her way to immunity and yelled, “I’m rubber and you’re glue; whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” Then she triple stamped it, no erasies, anti-quitsies, no startsies and it was so over.
More of Sienna on the set of “Hippie Hippie Shake” after the jump
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