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Former supermodel Kate Moss doesn’t mind getting naked in front of a camera, and she doesn’t mind showing her ass from time to time, either. Nine MSN says:

After a heavy drinking session with some girlfriends, the supermodel reportedly stumbled into a London adult shop, declared she was “so horny” and demanded seven sex toys (one for each day of the week).

A witness [said], “She started squirting strawberry-flavor lube all over the place and playing with a big black sex toy. She was hitting the side of her face with it. Then she put her mouth over it, simulating oral sex, and rubbed it up and down after smothering it with lube.”

The witness said she then passed out cold on the floor, [but] started all over again once she regained consciousness.

Funny, that sounds exactly like what I did last Tuesday. Only replace “big black dildo” with “zucchini squash” and “lube” with “my own vomit.” Needless to say, I’m not allowed to shop in any Tidewater-area Food Lions anymore.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Make sure not to open any of these thumbs from LOVE magazine too close to a barn. Might spook the horses:

The last time I saw this much sexy, it was inside a dive bar and serving me drinks. I call it an “It” since it was so encrusted with makeup and the patina of years of cigarette smoke exposure that I’m not sure it was still quite a woman. At least I only had to give the thing in the bar a few bucks in a tip; who knows how much they’re still paying Kate Moss for photoshoots. I’d tell them, next time, just visit your local bar. It would be so much more affordable.

In Rio de Janeiro for an upcoming Brazilian Vogue photoshoot. I hope their Photoshop artists are warming up.

Photo source: Fame Pictures

How do I know that no one cares about Kate Moss anymore? Because she managed to get married two months ago without the paps knowing about it. Says CelebrityFIX,

Kate Moss reportedly tied the knot with her boyfriend Jamie Hince in a secret Italian ceremony two months ago.

The supermodel is believed to have married Hince in an intimate service with only her closest friends and relatives on the island of Sicily on August 7.

Kate, 36, wore a sheer white dress and went barefoot, while her eight-year-old daughter Lila-Grace was a ring bearer, The Mirror reports.

A source told the UK newspaper, “Kate’s had a fairly turbulent love life. But she’s a romantic at heart. The plans were kept very quiet as Kate wanted the day to be low-key and purely a celebration of their love.

“She’s never been one for convention or tradition, but Jamie’s been there for her through thick and thin, and she simply felt the time was right.

“They planned the day for weeks and were so excited. Kate didn’t want a stuffy, formal do, but something spiritual. Minutes after tying the knot, the giggling newlyweds were outside the church, dancing under trees. It was an incredibly happy day.”

Kate and Jamie have been dating on and off since 2007.

Well, if he wants to be contractually obligated to screw a corpse, more power to him. Fortunately she comes with her own supply of narcotics to take the edge off. He won’t even feel it when he fractures his pelvis!

Spotted leaving a pub in London:

kate moss cocaine

The official cause of actress Brittany Murphy’s death was finally released today. According to People Magazine

Brittany Murphy died from multiple drug intoxication, pneumonia and “iron deficiency anemia” in what the coroner has concluded was an accidental death. A full autopsy report is expected within two weeks.

And speaking of multiple drug intoxication, Kate Moss was seen leaving a friend’s house at 3 in the morning with a bunch of blow all over her pants. I guess cutting the coke into nice clean lines is too much effort for a supermodel. From the looks of it, she just tossed a handful over her head and tried to snort it right out of the air. Or maybe she just borrowed the pants from Lindsay Lohan.

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PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer Griffin Online, Pacific Coast News

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Supermodel Kate Moss knows nothing says “sex appeal” like crow’s feet and gray hair. So how many cartons of cigarettes did she have to smoke to get that rough-grain, just-aged texture? Only her stylist knows for sure!

At the launch of her new handbag line in Paris yesterday:

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PHOTO SOURCE: Bauer-Griffin Online

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