Katherine Heigl debuted yet another bikini while on her Mexican vacation this week — this one rainbow-striped, like Joseph’s coat of many colors in the book of Genesis. Unfortunately, this bikini doesn’t come with a dozen mutinous brothers or a gallon of goat’s blood, but don’t let that stop you. I bet we could still find an abandoned pit to throw her in if we looked hard enough. The tough part’s gonna be convincing the Midianite merchants she’s actually worth twenty whole shekels. We might want to toss in a camel and a coupe of jars of myrrh to sweeten the deal.

In an open letter in NY Magazine, columnist Emma Rosenblum addresses Katherine Heigl’s recent withdrawal from the Emmy nominations for “lack of material” and her increasingly holier-than-thou behavior. Rosenblum writes:

Okay, Heigl, we agree that Izzie’s story lines have become increasingly marginal and unbelievable. Lately, everyone on the show seems to think that Izzie’s completely irritating. So do we! We actually groan aloud when your face appears onscreen! And guess what? You’re totally annoying and self-righteous, just like Izzie!

And then (and then!) you called your own hit movie, Knocked Up, “a little sexist.” But you did it, you made lots of money, and it made you a certified movie star. Do you think you’re above the work that you do? It was a comedy, and you profited tremendously. You’re no Streep, honey, and even she does Abba with a smile.

Grey’s Anatomy is a soap opera. Get off your high horse, missy. You talk all about the integrity of the Academy? Ha! You know they’re giving an Emmy to a reality-TV show host this year, right? Stop pissing off your writers and directors and castmates.

Of course, I would have included a photograph of myself using “27 Dresses” to wipe my own ass, but that’s just me. Not everyone has my savoir-faire and sense of decorum. It’s a gift, really.

In Mexico with her husband this past weekend:

Grey’s Anatomy star Katherine Heigl — who won an Emmy for Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series last year — has effectively removed herself from this year’s list of Emmy contenders. Why? Because she’s so much fucking better than you, that’s why. Us Weekly quotes her as saying:

“I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention. In addition, I did not want to potentially take away an opportunity from an actress who was given such materials.”

So, in short, Katherine’s saying she would clearly win again despite the donkey-dickery of the shitty writers for the show, because her supreme acting awesomeness is so unparalleled on primetime television. I see. On that same note, I would add that I would totally have won a Pulitzer by now if it weren’t for always having to write about stupid twats who they’re so fucking awesome all the time. Ironic twist of fate, isn’t it?

On the set of “The Ugly Truth” June 3rd: