A year ago, Katy Perry refused to listen to anybody who told her not to marry Russell Brand or make him sign a prenup, because they were in love and a love like theirs lasts forever. Except it didn’t, and now he’s entitled to half of the $44 million she made in 2011. TMZ says:

Everything they earned during their 14-month marriage is community property — which means they’re each entitled to 50% of the pot — so Russell could have scored a fortune if he exercised his community property rights.

But as one source put it, “This divorce is as amicable as it gets… Russell doesn’t want Katy’s money. He’s happy to walk away with the money he earned — which is far less than what Katy raked in.”

Well, I’ll be damned. I figured he would milk that dumb broad for all she’s worth. I wouldn’t have guessed there was a noble bone in Russell Brand’s body, unless “noble bone” was just one of those coy British euphemism meaning “erection.”

Even though she’s nominated for a total of seven awards, Katy Perry won’t be at Wednesday’s People’s Choice Awards. Radar Online says:

“Unfortunately I will not be able to attend the People’s Choice Awards. I want to thank u all for voting for me, fingers crossed! #KATYCATS,” the Firework singer tweeted Monday.

[Adding], ‘”Concerning the gossip, I want to be clear that NO ONE speaks for me. Not a blog, magazine, ‘close sources’ or my family.”

Some are speculating that the above pic of soon-to-be ex-husband Russell Brand making a big show of removing his wedding band may have sparked her decision not to attend the People’s Choice Awards, while others speculate she won’t be attending because it’s the fucking People’s Choice Awards. Jesus. Even the Grammys mean more than they do.

In addition to telling Katy Perry that she wasn’t funny on SNL, Russell Brand also mocked her parents for their faith. Because, you know, I’m sure there were no signs before they got married that there might be an issue there. Going into a marriage with your eyes open is so overrated. Says Digital Spy,

Katy Perry reportedly begun to reconsider her marriage to Russell Brand after he mocked her deeply religious parents.

The ‘Teenage Dream’ singer separated from Brand in late December after a 14-month union.

It has since been alleged that the controversial comedian caused upset by failing to rein himself in around pastors Keith and Mary Hudson.

“Russ was forever making lewd jokes at the dinner table and poking fun at her parents’ beliefs,” a friend told The Sun. “He managed to restrain himself in the beginning – just.

“But as the marriage progressed, he got worse and kept winding up her family. After the lust wore off, reality hit home about their differences and [Katy] was left thinking, ‘What have I done?’”

Perry reportedly asked Brand to file for divorce so she would not upset her devout parents.

The Hudsons recently urged Perry’s fans to find a relationship with God, stating that they were “worshipping and loving the wrong person”.

Because rising to fame on the power of your bouncing tits and sexually provocative image is totally in line with their Christian faith. In Katy Perry’s version of things, Jesus was tossing shekels at the harlots he hung out with and bar crawling with the 12 disciples.

Happier times at her birthday party in November:

Besides the accusations of wheelchair porn and sex addiction, “insiders” close to Katy Perry claim that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Russell Brand was often less than supportive of her career. Us Magazine says:

When the singer guest-hosted Saturday Night Live, the British comic turned down Perry’s plea to perform in a skit with him.

“He told her that she wasn’t that funny,” an insider says of Perry’s skits parodying Pippa Middleton, Christina Aguilera and others. “That really hurt.”

Good for him. She wasn’t funny. God knows it needed saying. The only reason anyone even tolerated any of her shitty skits was for the tits, so she should shut her mouth and get back in her cage and dance like the metaphorical street monkey she is. Shock and titillate me, woman! I’ve got American dollars!

Promoting her new fragrance Meow — I know, I’m embarrassed for her:

Well, I totally didn’t see this coming. Russell Brand and Katy Perry are calling it quits after a little more than one year together. Granted, in Hollywood years, that’s like the equivalent to at least 5. Says TMZ,

Russell Brand has filed for divorce from Katy Perry … TMZ has learned.

In the docs, filed in L.A., Brand cites “irreconcilable differences.” The two were married Oct. 23, 2010 in India. They have no kids.

The divorce docs say there are “community property assets” — it’s a sign there might not be a prenup, or if there is one it doesn’t cover all of the earnings and other assets they accumulated.

The docs do not give a date the couple separated.

Russell has released a statement, claiming, “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage. I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”

Russell proposed to Katy in India on New Year’s Eve 2009 — nearly two years ago … to the day.

Sources had told TMZ the couple was having problems, evidenced by the fact that they spent Christmas apart and neither was wearing a wedding ring.

Although it’s not 100%, based on what we now know it appears Brand may have blindsided Perry by filing the divorce petition.

Russell appeared on “Ellen” just this month, slamming divorce rumors — claiming, “I’m really happily married … I’m married to Katy. Perpetually, until death do us part was the pledge. I’m still alive.”

So judging from what he said, Russell Brand is now a walker, and the zombie apocalypse is upon us. That’s okay, I’ve been stockpiling rations and guns in my mom’s basement for the past 5 years. I’m good to go.

Kate Moss looking a lot better than she has in a long time:

Don’t know what to get your sexualized-at-a-young-age daughter? Did you ever wish Mattel would just get a little more trashy with their line of Barbie dolls? Well, your dilemma is over now that the famed plastic doll is getting a makeover as Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry. TMZ exclusively reports,

Sucks that a guy with no genitals is about to get a shot with Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry … because TMZ has learned they are both about to become Barbie Dolls!!

Sources close to the plastic factory tell TMZ … Mattel has already begun production on a Nicki doll and and a Katy doll.

We’re told Nicki’s doll will include “every signature detail, right down to the tattoo on Nicki’s left arm.”

The Nicki doll will be available on Dec. 7 — and proceeds will benefit the Project Angel Food organization.

No word yet if they’ll be so detailed as to include a peek-a-boo nipple for Nicki, an erupting dermis for Katy, and a timepiece counting down both singer’s period of marketable viability.

Katy with weird faded pink hair at the Grammy Nominations:

Katy Perry was awarded the “Special Achievement” AMA (no, seriously) last night for being the first female artist in history to have five number songs from one album. And that sentence right there oughta pretty well sum up just about everything that’s wrong with the current generation. See “Fast and the Furious” and “Twilight” for additional details.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry burping her crotch next to a plié-ing mime seems like something you’d see in a David Lynch movie. All that’s missing is a creepy little boy on a tricycle and midget speaking backwards in front of a mirror.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry’s photo shoot for next month’s InStyle Magazine begs only one question: how many My Little Ponies had to die in order for them to make that busted-ass wig?

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Boy, it looks like Deedee from The Doodlebops has fallen on hard times. The only thing positive I can find to say about this look is that at least the hair matches all the zits on her chin.

Katy Perry in Hollywood yesterday:

As the voice of Smurfette in the upcoming hour and a half long commercial for Smurf-related merchandise, Katy Perry took to the blue carpet in a dress that paid bedazzled homage to her character in the movie. This just proves my theory that you could be wearing a plush jumpsuit and a giant foam head and still look like less of a cartoon than Katy Perry.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry’s boobs are on the cover of Rolling Stone again (her first cover was way better, BTW), and this time, the shtick is that her boobs are supposed to be Hershey’s Kisses. For those of you keeping score, she’s dressed her tits up like cupcakes, lollipops, cans of whipped cream, eyes, and now Hershey’s Kisses. To say this cooze is a one-trick pony would be an insult to trick ponies everywhere.