Russell Brand Told Katy Perry She Wasn’t Funny on SNL

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Besides the accusations of wheelchair porn and sex addiction, “insiders” close to Katy Perry claim that her soon-to-be-ex-husband Russell Brand was often less than supportive of her career. Us Magazine says:

When the singer guest-hosted Saturday Night Live, the British comic turned down Perry’s plea to perform in a skit with him.

“He told her that she wasn’t that funny,” an insider says of Perry’s skits parodying Pippa Middleton, Christina Aguilera and others. “That really hurt.”

Good for him. She wasn’t funny. God knows it needed saying. The only reason anyone even tolerated any of her shitty skits was for the tits, so she should shut her mouth and get back in her cage and dance like the metaphorical street monkey she is. Shock and titillate me, woman! I’ve got American dollars!

Promoting her new fragrance Meow — I know, I’m embarrassed for her:

Russell Brand Files for Divorce from Katy Perry, World Shocked

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Well, I totally didn’t see this coming. Russell Brand and Katy Perry are calling it quits after a little more than one year together. Granted, in Hollywood years, that’s like the equivalent to at least 5. Says TMZ,

Russell Brand has filed for divorce from Katy Perry … TMZ has learned.

In the docs, filed in L.A., Brand cites “irreconcilable differences.” The two were married Oct. 23, 2010 in India. They have no kids.

The divorce docs say there are “community property assets” — it’s a sign there might not be a prenup, or if there is one it doesn’t cover all of the earnings and other assets they accumulated.

The docs do not give a date the couple separated.

Russell has released a statement, claiming, “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage. I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.”

Russell proposed to Katy in India on New Year’s Eve 2009 — nearly two years ago … to the day.

Sources had told TMZ the couple was having problems, evidenced by the fact that they spent Christmas apart and neither was wearing a wedding ring.

Although it’s not 100%, based on what we now know it appears Brand may have blindsided Perry by filing the divorce petition.

Russell appeared on “Ellen” just this month, slamming divorce rumors — claiming, “I’m really happily married … I’m married to Katy. Perpetually, until death do us part was the pledge. I’m still alive.”

So judging from what he said, Russell Brand is now a walker, and the zombie apocalypse is upon us. That’s okay, I’ve been stockpiling rations and guns in my mom’s basement for the past 5 years. I’m good to go.

Kate Moss looking a lot better than she has in a long time:

 

Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry Barbie Dolls are Coming, Hail the End of the World

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Don’t know what to get your sexualized-at-a-young-age daughter? Did you ever wish Mattel would just get a little more trashy with their line of Barbie dolls? Well, your dilemma is over now that the famed plastic doll is getting a makeover as Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry. TMZ exclusively reports,

Sucks that a guy with no genitals is about to get a shot with Nicki Minaj and Katy Perry … because TMZ has learned they are both about to become Barbie Dolls!!

Sources close to the plastic factory tell TMZ … Mattel has already begun production on a Nicki doll and and a Katy doll.

We’re told Nicki’s doll will include “every signature detail, right down to the tattoo on Nicki’s left arm.”

The Nicki doll will be available on Dec. 7 — and proceeds will benefit the Project Angel Food organization.

No word yet if they’ll be so detailed as to include a peek-a-boo nipple for Nicki, an erupting dermis for Katy, and a timepiece counting down both singer’s period of marketable viability.

Katy with weird faded pink hair at the Grammy Nominations:

Katy Perry is a Special Achiever with a Big Rack

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Katy Perry was awarded the “Special Achievement” AMA (no, seriously) last night for being the first female artist in history to have five number songs from one album. And that sentence right there oughta pretty well sum up just about everything that’s wrong with the current generation. See “Fast and the Furious” and “Twilight” for additional details.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry Takes the Stage in a Corset Belfast

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Katy Perry burping her crotch next to a plié-ing mime seems like something you’d see in a David Lynch movie. All that’s missing is a creepy little boy on a tricycle and midget speaking backwards in front of a mirror.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry with Pink Hair for InStyle Magazine

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Katy Perry’s photo shoot for next month’s InStyle Magazine begs only one question: how many My Little Ponies had to die in order for them to make that busted-ass wig?

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Katy Perry Has Pink Hair, No Makeup

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Boy, it looks like Deedee from The Doodlebops has fallen on hard times. The only thing positive I can find to say about this look is that at least the hair matches all the zits on her chin.

Katy Perry in Hollywood yesterday:

Katy Perry and Her Slutty Smurfette Dress on the Blue Carpet

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As the voice of Smurfette in the upcoming hour and a half long commercial for Smurf-related merchandise, Katy Perry took to the blue carpet in a dress that paid bedazzled homage to her character in the movie. This just proves my theory that you could be wearing a plush jumpsuit and a giant foam head and still look like less of a cartoon than Katy Perry.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry in Rolling Stone

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Katy Perry’s boobs are on the cover of Rolling Stone again (her first cover was way better, BTW), and this time, the shtick is that her boobs are supposed to be Hershey’s Kisses. For those of you keeping score, she’s dressed her tits up like cupcakes, lollipops, cans of whipped cream, eyes, and now Hershey’s Kisses. To say this cooze is a one-trick pony would be an insult to trick ponies everywhere.

Katy Perry on the Cover of Vanity Fair

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I can’t stand Katy Perry, but I have to admit she looks damn sexy in that corset on the cover of Vanity Fair. Funny how men seem so much more threatening when they aren’t wearing pants.

At the Arthur premiere with her douche of a husband:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Katy Perry for All Adidas

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I don’t know much about Adidas’ new “All Adidas” line, other than it appears to be the collaborative efforts of a six-year old girl, the year 1967, and My Little Pony’s Twilight Sparkle. The only way you’d ever see me in that shit is if it granted the power of invisibility.

Katy Perry for All Adidas screen caps here; way-too-long commercial after the jump:

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Katy Perry, Queen of Sharts

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Katy Perry is convinced she is twee and adorable and that everyone loves her as much as she loves herself. I’m just as convinced that she is a talentless, gimmicky hack with about as much depth as a puddle of dog piss. She epitomizes all that’s fucked up with the world of pop these days, which is why I stick to listening to Perry Como and Tibetan chanting. There’s no danger of pink tutus and Auto-Tune there.

“Performing” at Le Zenith in Paris, which should be like, her hometown since it’s full of douches.

Photo source: Fame Pictures