Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves have co-starred in two movies together and always claimed to be “just friends,” but the cameras don’t lie, my friends. That’s what the officer kept telling me while I was in the holding cell, anyway. The Daily Mail says

The pair left a restaurant together on Monday night in Beverly Hills, and were spotted sharing an intimate series of kisses and hugs.

Theron, who split from her boyfriend of nine years Stuart Townsend earlier this year, also appeared to have her hands wrapped around Reeves and under his jacket.

But when they realised they had been caught in the act, they came over all camera shy and broke off contact.

That’s because papparazi are like T-Rexes. Their vision is entirely based on movement. If you stop what you’re doing and stand perfectly motionless, they’ll eventually lose interest and leave you alone. Ice cream trucks do the same thing with Britney Spears all the time.

The incriminating video:

Pics of her hanging her head in shame (1-3) and at the AFI screening of “The Road” last year (the rest):

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News

PHOTO CREDIT: thestar.com

The nutjob lady pictured above (the mannish looking one on the left) is trying to extort $10.8 million in support payments from Keanu Reeves for her four children, all of whom are adults.  From The Toronto Star:

A Barrie woman has filed a request to an Ontario court to compel actor Keanu Reeves to provide a DNA sample as part of a bid to get support for herself and her four children.

Karen Sala, 46, who is acting as her own lawyer, filed notice on Monday in the Superior Court of Justice family branch. Legal papers were served on Reeves’ business manager in Los Angeles two days ago. The first court date for the case is July 6 in Barrie.

A spokesperson for the actor said Reeves denies even knowing Sala and strongly rejects her claims. None of the allegations have been proven in court.

Sala said she has tried “privately” over the years to persuade Reeves to provide support.

In addition to the DNA test, Sala is seeking child support of $150,000 per month, retroactive to June 1988, as well as $3 million per month in spousal support retroactive to November 2006.

A Los Angeles spokesperson for Reeves issued a statement last night denying her allegations.

“Karen Sala’s allegations are completely false and absurd. Mr. Reeves has no knowledge of who she is,” Cheryl Maisel said in a statement.

Paul Knell, Reeves’ Los Angeles business manager, questioned Sala’s motives, noting that all four children are now adults.

“Before you disparage my client and lend validity to this, there’s clearly something wrong with someone who claims child support after all the kids have grown. I’m just pointing that out,” Knell said.

Keep in mind that this lady’s four children range in age from 20 to 25 years old.  I bet you’re thinking, “Gosh, that all sounds pretty fucking crazy.”  Well hang on a second, because this lady’s bucket of crazy is still at least half full:

Sala is the first to admit that she’s no angel, claiming that she and Reeves had a sexual relationship before and during her stormy marriage. She also acknowledged she is not sure which, if any, of her children he has sired.

But Sala insisted that Reeves was aware that he might be the father of some or all of her children, noting that at least one of them bears a resemblance to him.

Sala said she has a picture of Reeves when he was a teenager – though she was unable to produce it yesterday – and that she is hoping to get a photo from a friend of the two of them together more than 20 years ago.

Sala has what she describes as a sample of his handwriting, and said she has Reeves’ phone number and current address in Los Angeles.

Um… yeah, okay.  I don’t even really know where to start with this.  She might have a picture of them together two decades ago and she has some handwritten scrap of paper, and for that shit she wants nearly 11 million goddamn dollars?

Listen, I not only own both of the Bill & Ted movies on DVD, but I also have an old Ken doll with the head ripped off and I can totally draw a picture of some stick figure babies.  Based on this crazy bitch’s calculation system, I am probably owed upwards of 15 million dollars.  It’d be Canadian money though, so it’d come out to about $19.98 or something.  Hardly seems worth the trouble.