Just look at how British glamour model Keeley Hazell bravely continues to defy archaic Hollywood standards. Her pictures say “see, you don’t have to be twenty pounds underweight or bleach blond to make it in this industry!” Apparently all you need are gigantic tits and a chronic aversion to clothing. The world is practically our fucking oyster, ladies!

All thumbs NSFW:

This may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but it seems that Jessica Simpson’s latest movie “Blonde Ambition” really blows. Big time. According to Us Weekly

Is Jessica Simpson’s flick Blonde Ambition too much of a stinker for the silver screen? “It is going straight to DVD domestically. It will only come out in theaters internationally,” an insider tells Us Weekly. What’s the problem with the romantic comedy, costarring Luke Wilson, 35? “The movie is absolutely horrible,” says a source. “It’s just a bomb, mainly because of Jessica’s acting.” A rep for the movie studio tells Us, “The final distribution plans have not been confirmed, so it would be premature to comment at this time.”

I hate to think that anyone would question Jessica’s acting ability. I dare you to find fault with her bikini-clad soaping of the General Lee in her “These Boots Were Made for Walkin’” video. Sure, she doesn’t talk, but that’s where her genius lies — she conveys a full range of emotions simply through the circular motions of a wet sponge. I don’t think you could find another actress that could writhe on car hood with such depth and an innate sense of scene. Except… hold on.

I stand corrected. Keeley Hazell just fucking owned Jessica Simpson. And stole my heart, but that’s a story for another day and another pair of panties.

British lingerie model Keeley Hazell recently finished a masterful dissertation on the subatomic structure of matter, including a fascinating look into the phenomena of atomic spectra and the photoelectric effect. So that’s why I’m putting up these pictures from her UK “FHM” May pictorial. My love of atomic structure and electronic configuration. Not because she’s topless and has an awesome rack, you Philistine booby-fiends. Really, is there no one out there who shares my passion for Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle? What about Max Planck’s “Theory of Boobocity,” then? See, physics can be fun!

I had a little free time this afternoon, in between my daily tai chi session and volunteering at the soup kitchen on 29th, and I found a great way to kill a half-hour: a free clip of British internet sensation Keeley Hazell giving some dude a blowjob on TotallyNSFW. Nice. I don’t guess I need to tell you that it’s totally absolutely unequivocally NSFW, but on the other hand, if you’re actually at work on Martin Luther King Day, well, then, it means that your employer is pissing in the face of the civil rights movement and deserves to be inundated with employees looking at free porn. Fight the man! Martin Luther King had a dream, people. Don’t let upper management quash it with their white-man “mandatory work attendance” policies.

Update: It seems the video has been taken down. So I’ve put up some damn sexy Keeley Hazell pictures. Damn, damn sexy.