I don’t think it’s any coincidence that British glamour model Keeley Hazell has three E’s in her name, because I’m pretty sure it’s also her cup size. It’s almost like she was destined to have giant tits. Which is why I’ll be legally changing my name to Abbeee as soon as I’m done writing this. Time to work your magic, destiny!
See her completely topless here.
Keeley Hazell did a lovely little photo shoot as a promo for her new interactive video “Keeping Keeley”, sponsored by Lynx Effect (that’s Axe Body Spray to Americans). We had exclusive behind-the-scenes footage from the video last week, as you probably recall. Americans can’t watch the video, because that’s just the price which must be paid for having body sprays named after lumberjack tools instead of big cats (and also because the video is available exclusively to UK residents, who can watch it here).
But hey, quit crying your little bitch tears, Americans! There’s a sub-par Yank consolation prize! Here’s the trailer for “Keeping Keeley”:
And here’s the Axe Detailer video “Clean Your Balls” starring Jamie Pressly:
And in other sexy news, Abby will be back tomorrow (for realsies this time [I'm pretty sure]) so you can have a joyous reunion and finally stop cursing my name and wondering when the hell I’m gonna go away. It’s been delightful, my dears!
Kisses,
Sarah
Keeley Hazell in a promo shoot for “Keeping Keeley”:
Keeley Hazell is gorgeous and built like a Barbie doll and also seems like a really sweet person, so more of her is always good news. She’s got a new interactive video for Lynx (Axe to you Amurricans) premiering later this month, and we’ve got behind-the-scenes footage from the filming. Here’s some info about the video:
“We’re happy to confirm that the interactive video will be called “Keeping Keeley” and will be going live on January 18th. Starring Keeley Hazell (of course) in the lead role, and Blake Harrison from The Inbetweeners as the hopeful guy trying to get his hands on her. Viewers will be able to choose multiple options through the film, with the chance of ending up at a lingerie show, a pool party, or back at Keeley’s for a coffee. There’s a pile of alternative endings, so people should want to come back for more! Readers can get more info on the Facebook page.”
What this means, essentially, is that there will be a Choose Your Own Adventure video starring Keeley Hazell. Choose Your Own Adventure books were the tits, and Keeley Hazell has an astounding rack, so basically what I’m saying is that this might be the best day of your life*.
Oh hey, heads up for any of our London readers: we’ve got a special Keeley Hazell/Lynx goodie bag for the first person to request it in the comments, because we’re THAT awesome and we love you pervs. Be sure to fill in a valid email when you leave your comment, because we’re also awesomely lazy and we’ll ignore your request if you can’t be arsed to tell us how to get hold of you.
The year-end list-making frenzy is eating the innerwebs alive right now, but I know how you pervs operate so the only list we’re going to pay any attention to is the Daily Mail’s list of Most Desirable Celebrity Bodies. From People:
While there remains no shortage of Hollywood starlets whose stick-thin frames continue to appear in magazines and on the red carpet, it seems now more than ever ordinary women are tiring of the look — and the possible extreme measures it takes to achieve that near-impossible standard. A recent survey, which polled 2,000 women aged 18 and over, found that stars with curvier, healthier figures were more desirable, reports the UK’s Daily Mail. Could the era of too-too-skinny starlets be coming to an end?
I don’t agree with everyone on this list, but the top three — Kate Winslet, Kelly Brook and Halle Berry — are inarguably beautiful, and it certainly would be nice if people would quit trying to convince us that looking like an emaciated refugee or a cartoon character is sexy. Kate Moss looks like she died at least four years ago, and that’s more “hot mess” than actually hot. Katie Price isn’t scrawny, but she’s so shiny and orange and plastic and I just want to dress her up and put her in funny poses in shop windows. I love Victoria Beckham because she’s delightfully insane, but let’s face it, she’s a bony alien with basketballs bolted to her chest and I don’t think that’s sexy. So for the most part, I think this is actually a pretty good list.
The Daily Mail’s list of Most Desirable Bodies:
1. Kate Winslet (16% of votes)
2. Kelly Brook (15%)
3. Halle Berry (12%)
4. Cheryl Cole (10%)
5. Beyonce (6%)
6. Megan Fox (5%)
7. Lily Allen (4%)
8. Keeley Hazell (2%)
9. Kate Moss, Katie Price, and Victoria Beckham (tied at 1% each)
Just look at how British glamour model Keeley Hazell bravely continues to defy archaic Hollywood standards. Her pictures say “see, you don’t have to be twenty pounds underweight or bleach blond to make it in this industry!” Apparently all you need are gigantic tits and a chronic aversion to clothing. The world is practically our fucking oyster, ladies!
All thumbs NSFW:
This may come as a bit of a surprise to you, but it seems that Jessica Simpson’s latest movie “Blonde Ambition” really blows. Big time. According to Us Weekly
Is Jessica Simpson’s flick Blonde Ambition too much of a stinker for the silver screen? “It is going straight to DVD domestically. It will only come out in theaters internationally,” an insider tells Us Weekly. What’s the problem with the romantic comedy, costarring Luke Wilson, 35? “The movie is absolutely horrible,” says a source. “It’s just a bomb, mainly because of Jessica’s acting.” A rep for the movie studio tells Us, “The final distribution plans have not been confirmed, so it would be premature to comment at this time.”
I hate to think that anyone would question Jessica’s acting ability. I dare you to find fault with her bikini-clad soaping of the General Lee in her “These Boots Were Made for Walkin’” video. Sure, she doesn’t talk, but that’s where her genius lies — she conveys a full range of emotions simply through the circular motions of a wet sponge. I don’t think you could find another actress that could writhe on car hood with such depth and an innate sense of scene. Except… hold on.
I stand corrected. Keeley Hazell just fucking owned Jessica Simpson. And stole my heart, but that’s a story for another day and another pair of panties.
British lingerie model Keeley Hazell recently finished a masterful dissertation on the subatomic structure of matter, including a fascinating look into the phenomena of atomic spectra and the photoelectric effect. So that’s why I’m putting up these pictures from her UK “FHM” May pictorial. My love of atomic structure and electronic configuration. Not because she’s topless and has an awesome rack, you Philistine booby-fiends. Really, is there no one out there who shares my passion for Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle? What about Max Planck’s “Theory of Boobocity,” then? See, physics can be fun!
I had a little free time this afternoon, in between my daily tai chi session and volunteering at the soup kitchen on 29th, and I found a great way to kill a half-hour: a free clip of British internet sensation Keeley Hazell giving some dude a blowjob on TotallyNSFW. Nice. I don’t guess I need to tell you that it’s totally absolutely unequivocally NSFW, but on the other hand, if you’re actually at work on Martin Luther King Day, well, then, it means that your employer is pissing in the face of the civil rights movement and deserves to be inundated with employees looking at free porn. Fight the man! Martin Luther King had a dream, people. Don’t let upper management quash it with their white-man “mandatory work attendance” policies.
Update: It seems the video has been taken down. So I’ve put up some damn sexy Keeley Hazell pictures. Damn, damn sexy.
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