On the latest episode of “Keeping up with the Kardashians,” Kim revealed that she had a raging case of herpes gonorrhea psoriasis (psoriasis, if you don’t know, is a chronic disease of the skin resulting in thick, red patches with flaky, silver-white scales). Feel free to quote me as saying, “Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” The Daily Mail says:

The reality star gets an angry red rash, first on her legs, that soon spreads all over her body.

‘My career is doing ad campaigns and swimsuit photo shoots,’ the 30-year-old cries. ‘People don’t understand the pressure on me to look perfect.’

The hereditary disease was passed down to Kim from her mother Kris Jenner.

‘I got it for the first time when I was exactly your age,’ Kris tells her distraught daughter. ‘I cried myself to sleep for months.’

Kim’s doctor tells her the condition is incurable.

I, for one, am glad for skin diseases like psoriasis. It’s God’s way of marking the unclean so you know to avoid them. Just like freckles and red hair.

Video of the diagnosis after the jump:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

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The botox injections Kim Kardashian got on the latest episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians left a series of bruises around her eyes… and a warm place in my heart. I can still pretend she took a tire iron to the temple instead of a surgeon’s needle. See, that’s the power of imagination! It can take you anywhere! The Daily Mail says:

On last night’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians Kim visited a Beverly Hills clinic for some Botox injections around her eyes.

Kim decided to brave it and have the injections without the numbing cream, vowing that she has a high tolerance for pain.

Despite attempting to relax in a bubble bath and ice the injections sites, Kim ended up with some serious swelling and two black eyes.

‘I’m never doing this again… at least not until I’m 40!’ Kim told her family [afterward].

I bet she does have a high tolerance for pain. I’ve seen the dresses she stuffs her giant ass into. God only knows how her internal organs handle it. Her liver’s probably folded over on top of itself most of the time and her lungs can only be operating at 35% efficiency, tops. I’m surprised her pancreas doesn’t fly out of her mouth every time she sneezes.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Bauer-Griffin Online

Lemme tell you a little story about those Kardashian whores and how they think their jackassy reality show “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” should be made into a movie.  Er… well, that’s actually the whole story, so… The End!  Oh, except for the part about how Us magazine has a list of actors the slutzillas think should play them in the movie:

In celebration of their season finale (more than 4.8 million viewers tuned in Sunday, making it the most-watched telecast ever), Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney jokingly made a list on their website of who should play them if a fictional version of their E! show ever made it to the big screen.

Their casting highlights:

KIM: Khloe and Kourtney said Jennifer Lopez, but Kim feels Penelope Cruz would be a better fit.

KHLOE: Kim picked Liv Tyler; Kourtney picked Mandy Moore. Khloe’s choice? Drew Barrymore.

KOURTNEY: Kim said Vanessa Hudgens; Khloe said Eva Longoria-Parker

KRIS JENNER: The girls would like to see either Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan or Catherine Zeta- Jones play their mom/manager.

SCOTT DISICK: The three sisters were all in agreement on who should play Disick: Christian Bale from American Psycho. “We see a definite resemblance there,” they wrote on the site.

Yeah, I know The Pregnant One already had its baby, but I can’t be bothered to remember its name so until it does something noteworthy, it’s gonna stay The Pregnant One.  Anyway, the point here is that The Pregnant One thinks her boyfriend Scott Dickbag Disick looks exactly like Patrick Bateman of American Psycho.  Which he does, of course, but Sweet Jesus I can’t believe she’s AWARE OF THAT and she still lets him insert his Tab A into her Slot B.

In other news, as long as that Dickbag Disick dude’s alive, I’m gonna remain disappointed until he splits one o’ them Kardashians’ head open with an axe.  I mean, where’s his commitment to his character, huh?

The (formerly) Pregnant One and her boyfriend, Psycho Dickbag, at Jet on Friday:

What better way to kickstart your weekend than watching Kim Kardashian getting punched in the face? It seems the logical order of events, since you’ve already seen her get pissed on and drilled like an Alaskan shoreline. Us Magazine says

On Sunday’s Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim Kardashian steps into the ring for a charity boxing match — with harsh results.

She ends up taking several punches to the face.

“I’ve never been hit so hard,” Kim, 29, says in the clip (above).

The only way I’d enjoy this more is if her helmet had flown off in the middle of it all. And maybe if instead of a boxing ring, it was set of concrete stairs surrounded by a moat filled with crocodiles and sharks and sharpened wooden poles dipped in cyanide. But no sense in getting greedy, is there? If there’s one thing this whole Haiti travesty has taught me, it’s to be grateful for what I’ve got. So, thank you, Jesus, for this wonderful clip of Kim Kardashian getting her ass kicked. Amen!

More of her doing what she does best — sucking:

PHOTO SOURCE: Pacific Coast News Online

Kim Kardashian and her zip code-owning ass are all in a tizzy because the geniuses over at Hustler think that people would rather watch a spoof of Keeping Up with the Kardashians than the real thing. ‘Course, add in sex, and you’ve got a bona fide weiner winner! TMZ reports,

Sources tell TMZ the entire Kardashian family is “taking legal action” against Hustler Entertainment after learning about the XXX spoof of their reality show which the smut peeps creatively titled, “Keeping it Up For the KardASSians.”

We’re also told the people at E! Entertainment are also considering their legal options — it might be because the signature “whistly theme song” in the porno sounds awfully similar to the one in the show.

Word is that Kim didn’t feel there was enough degradation going on for the porno to ring true. More pee, I need MORE PEE!

Screenshots from the porno teaser: