Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have named their new baby daughter Sunday Rose, but not because they hate her like you probably thought. It’s actually because they hate Tom Cruise. According to MSNBC

One Kidman source said the name is her last jab at Scientology. “Nicole is a Catholic, and Sunday was an important religious day for her until she was involved in Scientology. She’s still bitter about her experience with Scientology and the fact her baby’s name could be one last jab doesn’t exactly upset her.”

Oh, come on. That’s the worst baby name burn I’ve ever heard. It’s like she’s not even trying. What about TomCruiseIsSterile Elizabeth Urban? That’s got a nice ring to it. Or LRHSucksDonkey Marie Urban? I could definitely see that cross-stitched on a nice sampler.

Gobbling outside the hospital last month:

It’s confirmed — recent box office poison Nicole Kidman is officially pregnant. OK! Magazine says

After weeks of speculation, Nicole Kidman has confirmed the good news that she and her husband, country music superstar Keith Urban, are expecting their first child together! “The couple are thrilled,” a rep for the actress tells OK!.

I’m sure Keith Urban celebrated the good news by inhaling an eight ball and drunkenly tag-teaming two underage models. Nicole, on the other hand, probably got more Botox and another coating of pureed baby foreskins spackled to her face. Soon, those stem cells will be hers — all hers! Looks like harvest season’s coming early this year, my pretties.

Nicole and Goldenrod leaving the Art Gallery of New South Wales Friday:

Nicole Kidman is finally pregnant! Or not! Or lying about it! The Daily Mail reports

Nicole Kidman and her husband of 18 months are expecting their first baby. The Oscar-winning actress and Keith Urban, the country and western singer she calls the “love of my life”, broke the news to their families over the Christmas holiday.

But Nic’s publicist responded (via People magazine)

“It is incorrect. She must have had about 30 babies by now. It’s the silly season. As far as we’re concerned, it’s another rumor out of London.”

Pregnant or not, if she wants to have a baby, she’d better get on it. At 40, “silly season” turns into “menopause season” real quick. Botox doesn’t fool your uterus, you know!

Nicole at the Sydney Children’s Hospital screening of “The Golden Compass” December 18^th

Nicole Kidman accompanied husband Keith Urban to the Australian Recording Industry Association Awards on Sunday in a completely see-through black dress — unbeknownst to her. The Daily Mail reveals

As the Oscar-winning actress removed her overcoat, there were riotous cheers of appreciation from the assembled red-carpet crowd. Miss Kidman, 40, appeared to be delighted by the noisy reception at Sydney’s Acer Arena, [but] all the cheering had been because her outfit was almost completely transparent [in the bright sun] and clearly showed the black thong and bra set underneath.

Wow — she’s forty? You have to admit, for a forty year-old woman, she sure looks great. Of course, for a twenty-two year old Mongolian power lifter, she looks like shit. Perspective, baby! It’s the only thing keeping me from killing myself most of the time.